Redemption
by SonicH2O
Summary: Jack was broken and being driven insane, Kate was trying to keep her son safe. When Ben forces them to finish Sayid's "work", will they be able to come together again? Jate Post S4 FF
1. The Beginning

This is completely planned out, and actually kinda of a modified version of the story I had started "Run" last year. Only this is better, and completely written out already. So review and you get the rest- Swear! Takes place immediately after Season 4 ends. Given Jacks problems in the flashforwards, and that this fic. addresses them (in a completely fictional mannor-so try it at home and you diedisclaimer) lots.

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" Jack, that means all of us," Ben coaxed, with a meaningful nod back at the coffin

" Right, " Jack whispered, turning back towards the coffin, realizing he wasn't nearly "stoned on his pills" enough as Kate had put it ,since Claire sat at the end of the first row of chairs, giving him a disapproving glare, arms folded defiantly over her chest.

"Jack, "she scolded, "Come-on you're not actually considering this ," she questioned him , her voice drenched in worry and disappointment.

Ben standing at the door didn't hear the quiet "shut up" Jack mumbled brokenly under his breath.

Turning back around to the coffin, he jumped seeing his father casually leaning forward onto the coffin from the other side, raising his eye brow in a skeptical disapproving manner that made Jack infuriated. " Think of Kate," he heard Claire's voice, "You know Ben, selling your soul to him , he'll hurt her somehow," Claire's voice sounded more desperate as Jack stood still looking down at Locke's dead body. " And he'll use you to do it," she added, as he made a reach for the body. "Your not really gonna keep hurting her are you?" she whispered, sounding sad at how far he had fallen. He tensed, not bothering to argue anymore, exhausted, knowing that she was right. Looking up, Jack saw his father silently watching him, the same challenging expression on his stony unchanging face. Glaring at him, Jack shaking, pulled out two more pills and popped them into his mouth, swallowing them dry.

Ben rolled his eyes growing inpatient, "Jack?" he questioned his eyes intense on Jacks back. Stiffening, Jack turned around broken out of his own personal hell by the sound of the devils voice.

"No," he said angrily, his voice shaking with uncertainty. Ben gave him the look of a father disappointed in a misbehaving child. "No, " Jack repeated his voice more certain , and he walked past Ben back out into the cold of reality.

"Jack, your making a big mistake," Ben said following him, keeping the edge of panic out of his voice.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Jack yelled back not bothering to turn around as he got into the car and drove away.

Ben sighed heavily, pulling a phone out of his pocket and pushing the first number on speed dial. "No, he left…. No he was close but he couldn't take the body" Ben answered, watching his breath as it condensed in the cold night air in front of him. Listening to his orders, he gave a curt nod, his deadpanned smirk twitching on his lips, "Christian, I always liked Plan B more," he agreed hanging up. "This might actually be fun, "he muttered to himself as he shoved his hands in his pockets and started his trek back to his motel.

Pulling into the parking garage at his apartment complex, Jack pulled the key out of the engine and dejectedly lay his head on the steering wheel, letting out a ragged breath.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped, looking over to see a empathetic Claire staring back at him. "Good job Jack, we knew you wouldn't do that," she said sounding proud. At her words, he stiffened and glancing in his rear view mirror he felt his jaw clench. Turning around slowly, he saw his father, silently looking at him legs crossed, face just as unmoving as before, Boone drenched in blood sitting in the middle, his labored breathing suddenly the only noise Jack could focus on, and Charlie, who other then being almost comically blue from lack of oxygen, seemed the same as ever, down to the spark of happiness that never left his eyes.

"No, " Jack whispered turning back to Claire , "your not real," he hissed at her, "Just leave me alone!", his voice high and shaking with anger.

"Hey! She didn't bloody do anything!" Charlie said defending her. Staring at him wide eyed, Boones labored breathing once again became the only sound in the otherwise silent car.

Quickly disentangling himself from his seat belt, he jumped out of the car slamming the door hard enough to make the car rock as he made it to the elevator, popping another two pills as he waited for the lift to come down, Boone's labored breathing still echoing in his ear.

Fumbling with his key a moment later, he stumbled into his apartment, not surprised that all of them were already waiting patiently for him. He grabbed the bottle of scotch that was waiting for him on the table near the door, sinking down to the floor, Ana Lucia sunk to the floor besides him, leaving a trail of blood from the bullet holes on his wall as she did. Staying silent a moment as she watched him, she finally said "Come on Jack, your dad just told me you drove here intoxicated; you know that's a crime, "she scolded lightly almost teasingly. Jacks head lulled against his chest, exhausted after 8 months of this hell. Taking another sip from the bottle, he whispered angrily, "Bite me Ana."

"Hey, Jack that wasn't nice," Libby scolded. Despairingly, Jack tried to laugh but it came out as a dry sob, and his trembling hand reached again for his bottles of pills. Shaking he pulled out the insomnia medicine, unable to listen to this anymore. Taking double the recommended dosage, he rested his head against the wall and sank into his usual fit full sleep.

**On the other side of town:**

"Jack ," she breathed out, her head tilting back as he lay feather light kisses along her neck, her legs wrapped tightly around him. "God, I love you," she whispered against his chest. She swallowed hard as she looked into his rich brown eyes, his chest heaved with emotion upon hearing her declaration, she watched him closely as he leaned in, water from the shower head hitting her for the first time, his broad back blocking her until he'd changed position. He opened his mouth , and Kate knew what came next, her breath caught in her throat waiting for him to say it back, just like he had the first time, instead a low buzzing noise seemed to come from his throat. Momentary confusion hit her, before the usual gut wrenching realization that she was, again, dreaming hit her. "No, "she whispered heart broken, their surroundings seeming to fade around them, replaced by black." No, No No, we need more time!" Her unconsciousness was beginning to fade in the morning light, and with it her dream world, and it was all she could do to keep him here in front of her. Swallowing back the desperation that suddenly filled her, she found his face with her hands and pulled his face down for one last searing kiss, his moan against her lips again turning into the sound of the buzzer. A sob bubbled in her chest, "Jack" she whispered his name again, desperately this time as he faded away, just like every night. The buzzer echoed again , and when Kate opened her eyes, she was alone, same as always.

Pounding her fist down on the offending buzzer, she slammed her head back into her pillow, hoping to find slumber for 15 more minutes, 15 minutes where she could forget what had happened to Jack, how far he had fallen and whatever demons he wouldn't talk to her about, and just remember the blissful month he had lived with her, when things had been perfect in every sense of the word. When he had been there for her and for Aaron. Her head shot up as she thought of her son, realizing that this was one of those days where she couldn't sleep in. With a sigh she got out of bed, and went to wake Aaron for his first day of pre-school.

Walking into his room, she picked him up, pulling him tight against her, "Wake up little guy," she whispered into his ear, and he stirred against her, hugging her sleepily. He mumbled what she guessed was an incoherent good morning against her shoulder and she smiled slightly. "Come on, lets get you breakfast," she said carrying him down stairs. Once she had him settled at the table with his bowl of cereal, she went back up to change and make the bed. When she came down a few minutes later, Kate saw that he had barely touched his cereal, looking at it intently, his tiny forehead furrowed, making Aaron look just like Jack despite his blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Concerned she sat down next to him, "hey," she said gently, "what's wrong sweet pea?" she asked.

"Mommy...what kind of a doctor is Daddy?" he asked. She felt like a knife was being turned in her heart, 8 months, and she still hadn't convinced Aaron to not call Jack Daddy. This was one of the times that made Kate hate Jack passionately. Jack had left them, taking a piece of each of their hearts with him and had washed it away with booze and pills. For her son, Kate wanted to hate Jack, but for herself, she couldn't stop loving him, and it royally ticked her off. She'd always been good at cutting ties until he'd come along and made her feel safe and loved. And then….she shook her head dejectedly, she still didn't know what had happened to him. She knew whatever Jeremy Bentham had told him had broken him, but she knew something else had to have happened that Jack hadn't told her about , something bad enough to make him listen to a word that Bentham would have had to say. Something the Jack she knew would never do.

"Mommy?" Aaron asked again when she didn't respond.

She smiled at him, turning away to draw a shaky breathe and hide the tears. She swallowed and turned to him, a smile on her face. "He was a spinal surgeon bud, "she said, putting her fingers on his spin as if to explain. " He fixed peoples backs."

"I'm gonna be a doctor too, "he declared proudly, as he did at least once a week. Unlike the children he was friends with at the park, whose career went from truck driver, to astronaut, to race car driver every ten minutes, he never waivered, determined to be just like Daddy. "But I don't think I'm gonna fix peoples backs, "he added thoughtfully.

"Yeah?" she asked, loving the serious look on his face that reminded her so much of his uncle.

"Yeah, " he said, his face brightening, " I'm gonna be a heart doctor, so I can fix you and daddy," he said proudly. Kate's face went white and crumbled, tears threatening to boil over. Aarons face crumbled, thinking he had upset her.

"I'm sorry mommy," he said starting to sniffle.

"No, Aaron," she whispered, pulling him to her, " It's not your fault, "she whispered hoarsely, clearing her throat she said again "You didn't do anything," pulling him back so he could see the sincerity in her eyes, "You didn't ever do anything wrong." Kissing him on the nose as his chin wobbled slightly, she sighed and gave a weak chuckle. "Time to get you ready for school," she said picking him up and carrying him back to his room.

Though Aaron hugged her the whole way up, he promptly kicked her out, determined to dress himself. Laughing more sincerely at his efforts with the concept of matching, she had sighed heavily losing the struggle to have him wear something other then his favorite and well worn Batman t-shirt. Batman was his favorite he had said, and she knew why- he was Jacks favorite too.

_"Daddy, whose your favorite hero?" Aaron had asked one Saturday morning as they had sat watching the Justice League cartoon on Cartoon network while Kate made pancakes behind them. She froze, barely aware of a batch of pancakes burning on the stove in front of her, petrified at how Jack would respond, Aaron had never called him that before. She couldn't see his face, but she had seen his shoulders stiffen briefly, but let a breath when she saw him barely miss a beat before turning to Aaron._

_"Batman, "he had declared simply, surprising her slightly, for both his answer, and his effortless response._

_"Mine too," Aaron said smiling back at him. She could see the smile pulling at the corner of Jacks lips. "Oh really, "he had said with a slight chuckle, "tell you what, why don't you go get dressed, we'll head out and get you a cape." He said. Aarons face had lit up as he bolted up the stairs._

_"Jack!" she had said surprised._

_"What?" he had said innocently, getting up and coming over to her, "Halloweens not to far away." His expression cheeky as she had pushed him up against the counter top, his forehead resting on hers._

_"Only over a month, "she had said smiling slightly, feeling him smile against her forehead, kissing it lightly._

_"So … Batman huh," she whispered, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Always pegged you for a Superman guy, "she smirked. He had chuckled at that._

_"Nah, Superman's to perfect," he had said as she buried her face in his chest, hearing Aaron's feat on the stairs above them._

_"Funny, "she whispered into his chest, just loud enough for him to hear, "You're my Superman." Buried in his chest, she had missed the momentarily pained expression that passed through his eyes._

Kate pulled up in front of Aarons pre-school, getting out, she took his hand to walk him to the classroom. Outside the classroom, she hugged him tightly, "have fun little man," she whispered. He rolled his eyes at her embarrassed, "I know, " she said with a chuckle, "That's an oxymoron." Aaron was smart too, like Jack. When Kate said she knew he could be anything he wanted she believed it. Jack had picked up an IQ test after seeing Aaron trying to disassemble a radio controlled car, turning it into a game for Aaron, revealing that he was roughly two years ahead of the average child his age. They had signed him up early for pre-school after that, wanting to give him the best they could.

Sighing, she finally let him go to class, and like every other mom dropping their child off that day, she walked out sniffling, unable to believe how fast her baby was growing up. Returning to her car, she cried for a moment, unable to believe how big he was getting on her, before collecting herself. "Time for work, "she muttered, backing out of her parking space.

She worked 25 hours a week at a small diner as part of her parole, to show she was a "functioning" member of the community. She didn't actually need the money, the Oceanic settlement had been generous to all of them, but she put her wages towards Aaron's college fund, knowing that if he was even half as persistent as his uncle, she would end up paying for medical school. Sitting at a back booth of the dinner on her lunch break 4 hours later, she found her mind drifting back to Jack, despite her best efforts to think of anything else. She was woken from her trance by her co-workers voice. "Kate, your lockers ringing!" Allison, the 17 year old cashier hollered. Running to the backroom, she picked up her phone, frowning at the number on the caller ID :

415-816-2342, she swallowed hard, a wave of fear washing over her. Steeling her voice, she answered.

"Hello?" she said icily.

"Hello, Katherine, its been a while," Ben's voice slithered through the speaker.

"What do you want Ben?" she said, her voice hard.

"I have a job for you, Katherine, one I think you'll very much want to complete," he said and she could feel his smirk.

"What reason could there possibly be for me to work for you, "she hissed back.

"Well, you have your 'son' to consider now Kate," the threat evident in his voice.

"Leave him out of this," she said, unsuccessfully trying to stop the fear in her voice.

"Where is he now Kate, at school right?... I'll be talking to you later." He said hanging up.

Her face went pale at the implication, dumping the contents of her purse out, looking for the number to the school. Finding it she dialed furiously.

"Hello, this is the reception desk at William-Parker pre-school, my name is Britney how may I help you," was the overly chipper reply she got.

Taking a labored breath, she forced her voice to come out normally "Hi, I'm sorry, my son Aaron Austen, he has a doctors appointment and I need to pull him out early from Mrs. Johnson's class," she said, her blood throbbing in her ears, almost making it impossible to hear what the lady said next.

"Good news, "Britney's overly chipper voice said over the phone, "Your husband already came by and picked him up."

"My husband?" Kate whispered, horrified, as she sunk down against the wall.

Britney's voice faltered hearing the change in Kate's voice, "Yes, he came in, all the paper work was correct….is there something wrong?" she asked petrified.

"Um…can you read me the name on the signature...there was a divorce, "she explained sloppily and lamely, realizing how strange her request sounded.

"Sure," Kate heard papers shuffling, "This is odd Mrs. Austen, I can't seem to find the sign out pad, and I swear he signed it."

Pulling the phone away from her ear in horror, she felt the room spin, and her phone slipped from her grip, breaking on the concrete ground. She shivered and trembled, knowing she could do nothing but wait for a phone call now on another line, because Ben had Aaron, and Ben could be anywhere.

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I live for reviews, they can be really helpful. Review & you get more. 5 reviews (though I prefer more) and chapter 2 goes up, See you soon


	2. The Reunion

_Thanks for all the reviews guys, Chapter 2 as promised._

_Enjoy_

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Kate felt like her chest was going to explode. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest, making her entire head throb. After everything she had been through and it had been a lot, she realized that she had never been more terrified in her life then she was right now. She didn't know what to do or where to start, and suddenly, she longed for the confinement the island offered; the limitation on where Ben could have hidden her baby sounding heavenly. Breaking the silence of her shock, a phone started to ring. Glancing down, she saw that hers was shattered, looking around though, she frowned, pulling a second phone she had never seen before out of a pocket of her purse. Checking the ID just to be safe, she felt rage consume her, Ben was calling.

"Hello Kath-"

"Give. Me. Back. My son." She said harshly, her breathing erratic as tears trickled down her cheeks silently.

"Now Katherine, its very rude of you to cut me off….after all, your son is my guest," he said, and Kate could see the smirk on his face, and the threat in his words made her tremble in fear.

"What do you want?" she said giving in, "I'll do whatever you want, just give me back my so." She pleaded her voice breaking.

"Good Katherine. Smart thinking on your part." Ben complimented her. In that second, Kate's mind flashed through all the different ways she wanted to kill him, how much she would draw it out to make it painful, and not quick like she had for Wayne. "Oh Kate, stop, your making me blush," Ben laughed.

"What?" she asked hoarsely.

"I know you were thinking about how to kill me Kate and I guarantee that isn't going to happen." He laughed again.

"How did you…?" she whispered, looking around frantically for a camera before reminding herself that she had only thought of killing him, so him seeing her was useless.

"Remember the time you spent in captivity with us Katherine. We knew you would go to Sawyer, that's why we brought him," she flinched at the memory, she hated thinking about her time in captivity, about what it had done to him, to them, wasting precious time they could have had together. "We only ever needed Jack Katherine. But we know how your brain works, and we knew we could get you into Sawyers arms…though I admit, we did expect it to take a bit longer." She felt her jaw go rigid at his insinuation. "Just remember Katherine, we know how you think, and we are always 8 steps ahead." There was a pause as Kate pulled herself to her feet, teetering with fear. "Now pay attention, in the pocket this phone was in there is an address, go there, and you'll get further instructions."

Fishing out the address, she held the scrap of paper in her hand, a realization suddenly hitting her. "How did you put this stuff in my purse?" she whispered, her hands sweaty, pressing her back to the wall and staring at the door as if expecting an armed man to rush in and attack her.

Ben's laugh made her want to throw up, petrified, "We took your son out of his pre-school in less then 4 hours Katherine, a pre-school ranked in the top 5 for safety in the entire country. Do you really think it's a problem for my people to put a phone in a purse?" he whispered menacingly. "Get to the address now Katherine," he added, dully, apparently growing board of taunting her.

She scooped up the contents of her purse, excusing herself hurriedly on the way out, hollering to Allison over her shoulder that she was taking a sick day.

And Damnit, did she have to hit every red light on the way over?

Parking on the curb of the run down apartment complex, she ran inside quickly, paranoid as she saw two men watching her over the rim of their papers from across the street.

Getting to the apartment on the scrap of paper, she tried to turn the knob only to find it locked. Letting out a stressed laugh from adrenaline, she rested her head against the wall next to the door, utterly exhausted as the adrenaline left her, and knocked.

Jack woke to the sound of hammering, opening his eyes he winced as the light seeping in through the windows hit his face, and the pounding seemed to get louder, and therefore much worse. Sending an angry glare at Charlie, who as usual, insisted on loudly humming "You all everybody" every morning, he staggered off the floor.

"Aw damnit Boone, stop bleeding all over the carpet!" he cursed, grabbing a towel and walking towards the door where Boone was dripping blood to clean up the mess.

"Sorry," Boones rasp came, as Shannon helped him back over to the sofa.

Getting to the door to wipe up the blood, Jack suddenly realized the source of the hammering, and cursed under his breath again. Rent wasn't due for another 2 weeks…he thought. Grabbing his bottle of pills he groaned softly, last two, looked like he would be making a trip out after all.

"Look Rent isn't-" He said angrily as he wiped the door open. "Oh," he said his eyes widening momentarily as he saw Kate standing before him. Her eyes widened as though surprised and her jaw clenched like she was steeling herself for whatever was coming. They made eye contact for all of a second before her eyes found their way to his hand and the pills. She looked up at him again in disgust. He popped the pills in his mouth pointedly, not breaking eye contact.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything important," she said with scathing sarcasm.

Jack was too weary to lie, "Nothing new, just me and all my friends hanging out," he said candidly looking back at his full living room.

Shooting him an icy glare at his sarcasm, she changed the topic, "You have to be kidding me, this is your new apartment?" she asked, irritated that this was where Ben had sent her.

"Same place I've been the last 8 months Kate," he said dully, but opening the door wider, a silent invitation to come in. "Do you need something or—wait watch where you--…" he started as he remembered Boone's blood on the floor, pointing at where it had been, he quickly saw it had vanished. He flushed red, and glared over at the congregation of dead friends in his living room, all of whom looked extremely amused at his predicament.

"Watch what Jack?" she asked angry and tired.

"…Never mind," he said quietly, for the first time noticing the red tear tracks on her cheeks and how tense she looked. Sighing, "What's wrong Kate?" he asked sounding just as tired and wary.

"Has Ben contacted you recently Jack?" she asked him as he shut the door and proceeded over the mess of take out trays and paper to sit next to Charlie and Claire on the couch.

Guilt flashed over his features momentarily, he masked it quickly but she knew his expressions to well and saw it. She sucked in a breath, the room spinning, unable to believe he would actually help Ben. "How could you?!" she yelled, marching over getting right into his face, "You bastard," she whispered, stepping back repressing the urge to strangle him.

Standing up, Jacks face reddened, "What the hell are you talking about Kate? You come to my apartment and accuse me? Of what?" He yelled back at her. Jack bit the inside of his cheek, swallowing down the urge to use one of the many nastier retorts Charlie was suggesting from his place on the couch.

"Ben took Aaron Jack," she said glaring at him her tone just as accusing until she saw his pale skin turn even whiter and the bottle of scotch in his hand drop with a thump to the ground, not breaking as it gently thumped into a pile of dirty clothes.

"What?" he whispered his throat suddenly dry as he sat down, unable to comprehend what she had just said. Running his hands through his hair in his old frustrated way, Kate momentarily expected him to know what to do, just like he use to. "When?" he simply croaked instead.

Her face falling slightly in disappointment, a reminder of what Jack had become, she said quietly, "Within the last few hours. Ben called me and told me to come to this address," she explained.

She watched him as he sat quietly for a moment, his head in his hands, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

Jack head killed, and if he didn't feel bad enough, Claire was screaming at him suddenly, tears running down her face "Get him back JACK! Don't you DARE let him get hurt!" over and over as Charlie piped in, "What the bloody hell are you going to do man; you can't just let Ben take Aaron!" Ana Lucia said something about guns and shooting Ben, causing Shannon to comment that Ana should never be given a gun ever again, and soon they had knocked over the coffee table as Mister Eko and Artz tried to pull them apart. Glancing up, Christian just stared stoically at his son. "Well," Charlie asked again, "what are you going to do?"

"I don't know!" he said suddenly and harshly, causing Kate to jump.

"You don't know what Jack?" she asked, more scathingly and exasperated then she meant to, nerves getting the best of her, she just wanted her son back.

He looked up at her, as if aware of her presence for the first time, and a tiny part of her was afraid of what he was about to do, the other part of her, the less rational part of her, simply watched transfixed as he licked his lips, his dark eyes, even completely stoned, seeming to bore a hole straight through her. He shook his head slightly letting out a ragged laugh.

"I don't know…where you get off coming in here and accusing me of stealing your son," he said rising to his feet, this time getting in her face. Breathing down on her, she had to turn her head a way, the smell of alcohol was so strong on his breath. He didn't move, instead looming over her, silently begging her to fight him back, to give him something, anything real to respond to. His stomach sunk as in his desperation he realized that he didn't care if she slapped him or kissed him, hated him or loved him, needing anything real to cling to to keep from drowning in his insanity.

Kate closed her eyes, the knife in her heart twisting around making it harder to breathe around him with every second that passed. There was nothing sexual about the way he was standing over her, anger was the only emotion she read off of him, but she couldn't help the way she wanted to respond to his closeness. Unable to fight it much more, she racked her brain for something awful to say, something that would push him away physically before she could pull him closer, all that came out was his name though, as a ragged whisper. The tenderness of how she said it, escaping him in his stoned stupor.

The phone rang and Kate let out a sigh of relief for two reasons, brushing past him to find it, grateful that this ordeal was moving forward again.

"Hello?" she said, regaining her composure.

"Turn to channel 8," was Ben's stoic response from the other end of the line, hanging up abruptly.

"Jack the remote-channel 8," she said, the terror she felt for Aaron resurfacing and crashing on her like a wave.

He found it quickly, and turned the channel, taking a step back, as Ben's face came onto the screen, his bug eyes staring intently at them, from in front of Sawyers Alcatraz cage. Inside the cage, Aaron was playing with a Batman action figure, the door to the cage open as he strolled around behind Ben.

Kate's breath caught, "How the hell did you get him back there?" she whispered mystified, knowing now that she was completely at Ben's mercy to get Aaron back.

Jack stiffened as he saw Kate's horror, and rubbed his hand over his face confused. "Ben where the hell are you, really? Locke told me you were banished or something, and could never go back to the island," his brain over loading, and he scratched his arm nervously, wishing desperately that he had bought more pills on the way home last night.

Ben's gaze turned to him for the first time, his leering smile slowly curling over his features like the Grinch. "Jacob and I have an agreement Jack, I'm allowed on Alcatraz, just not the main island…. At least for now" he added as an after thought.

"What is it you want from us," Kate whispered, Jack noticed she looked almost more catatonic then him. She, he realized, was resigned to doing whatever it would take to bring her son back.

"I'm glad, I knew you would come around Katherine," he said with a small smile, like he was admiring his handy work, before getting back to business, " There is a series of….errands that I need you to run for me, before I can allow you to see your son again Katherine. Listen carefully, because I do not like to repeat myself. Once I am done talking to you, you will have exactly an hour to be on the road, headed out of the state. You will check into the 'Billy's Colorado comfort inn, in Denver Colorado as soon as possible under the names Mr. and Mrs. Pace," they both flinched at the use of Charlie's name, "to await further instructions. In between these errands you will be shown a current picture of Aaron, as a sign of good faith on my part."

"Ben," Kate said quietly, " My parole, I can't go out of state, you'll get me thrown in jail and then I won't be able to…do whatever it is …"she finished lamely, still barely able to talk.

"That's unimportant and taken care of Katherine, you won't have to worry about that," he said with a falsely sweet smile that made her shiver repulsed.

She glanced over and noticed that Jack hardly seemed interested. Anger hit her again like a brick wall, and she wanted to hurt him for his seeming indifference. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, "What about Jack, he doesn't even seem to care? Why do I need him to come?"

Jack wheeled around, suddenly ignoring the voices and suggestions his "company" was giving him, almost hissing in pain at Kate's declaration that he didn't care. Kate stood staring straight a head, unable to meet his hurt eyes.

Ben smiled again, this time sincerely amused it seemed by their discomfort and suffering, " I'm glad you brought that up Katherine, I thought you might," he added giving her a meaningful look as if to say, see I do know what you think, just like I knew how to put you into Sawyers arms. Turning to address Jack directly, "How's your pill stash these days Jack? Running low?" he smirked as Jack stiffened. Kate closed her eyes, not believing the bait Ben was using on him, and even more horrified that it was working. "If you don't accompany Katherine Jack, you'll never get the pills you need for your….problems," he gave Jack a knowing smirk, "especially since we already had your medical license suspended," he added candidly.

Jack sucked in a breath, "You did what?" he whispered. True, Jack was unemployed, he knew he couldn't be trusted in a surgical room, with Charlie asking him what each instrument meant, and Shannon vomiting in disgust in the corner, while Boone's ragged breathing echoed in his ears, but if he ever wanted to resume work, he knew his license was still there. The knowledge that it was still there, some part of his life that he could get back to if he ever fixed himself, was what helped him get up in the morning. That there was something left, something small and trivial to him in the wake of losing Kate, but still, Jack knew beggars couldn't' be choosers.

This time Ben laughed, hard, tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry Jack, since you really won't find it funny. See, I had the autopsy of one of the last procedures you performed falsified, the cause of death is now believed to be surgical error, due to intoxication of the performing surgeon. You can see why I would find that funny though right?" he laughed again.

Kate watched as Jacks shoulders slumped and for a second she thought he might throw up. She knew the story, how his dad had lost his license for that, and she wished more then ever she hadn't forced the issue of his loyalty.

Ben continued, " Of course, we can have them reevaluate the autopsy, if I ever want to, but until then Jack, your reputation is ruined, and you'll never get your …'meds'." He said, moving towards the camera, "You have one hour," and the screen went black.

"I would have come anyways," Jack said weakly staring at her, hurt, and as the realization of his new inability to get a fix hit, she saw his eyes grow hungry and panicked like a starving animal.

Suppressing the urge to role her eyes and failing, she walked past him, "Let's just go Jack," she said, exhaustion creeping into the edge of her voice.

Hiding his hurt, he grabbed his keys and followed her out, not remembering to lock up until Claire had yelled at him to not be stupid and unsafe.

"My car's this way," he said gesturing towards the complexes garage.

"You actually think you're driving," she asked, amused and horrified at the same time.

Shoulders again stiffening, growing weary of her accusations and of arguing he sighed. "My trucks bigger, it'll hold more stuff, you can drive, I don't care Kate," he said simply, suddenly realizing that everyone was standing behind Kate, Boone rasping in her ear, blood trickling onto her shoulder as he coughed up blood.

"Woo-whoooo! Road Trip!" Charlie yelled excitedly, "Jack this is so bloody cool, it'll be just like when Drive shaft was on tour!"

Closing his eyes momentarily, "On second thought, we can take your car," he said swallowing hard, knowing it would only get worse as the pills worked their way out of his system.

"No, that makes sense," Kate said, sensing the exhaustion and defeat in his tone as much as hers, and feeling the irrational need to let him win one after what she had said in his apartment.

"No, really Kate it's—," he tried to say, cut off by Charlie again.

"Aw, come-OOOON Jack, "Charlie wined, "The more the merrier right?" Jack sent him a seething glare once Kate brushed past him towards the parking complex and his truck, again biting back a response, in an attempt to at least not seem crazy in front of the only living company he had had in months.

Sitting in the passenger seat of his car, Jack winced as Kate turned on the radio, determined to dull out what to her must have been an uncomfortably long silence. Jack winced, turning towards the window, the blaring music for him just added to the chaos; as he listened to Charlie sing and tell jokes to Claire, who he had learned over the last few months was not a quite laugher, a row back he heard Shannon and Ana continue to argue over Boone's rasping breath. Jack looked in his rear view mirror, and saw his father's stoic face staring back at him. Shivering in fear, Jack turned his head, putting his hand up to avoid looking at him, knowing that without the pills his father would start talking soon enough. That's what they were for really, no matter how much Jack took, he couldn't drown out everybody, but they were really only for the one voice anyway, and the second the pills wore off Jack knew there would be hell to pay for ignoring his dad for so long.

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_Just to clairfy incase there is any confusion, Jack didn't have anything to do with Aarons abduction. _

_Review Review Review and the chap. goes up quickly see_


	3. The Fight

yeah, so this is a little dark...at some point this fic. does get a bit happier, I promise...honestly...

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Pulling into the parking lot of the dumpiest motel she had ever seen in her life, and being on the run she'd seen some kickers, she sighed, looking in the rearview mirror to check on Jack

Pulling into the parking lot of the dumpiest motel she had ever seen in her life, and being on the run she'd seen some kickers, she sighed, looking in the rearview mirror to check on Jack. In Nevada he had moved to the back to sleep, but she was pretty sure it was because he didn't want her to see him without pills in his system. Sure enough, it looked like withdrawal had already started to hit, a thin layer of sweat over his pale face. She sighed, hating seeing him like this. Getting out of the car, she opened the door to the back, trying to wake him gently. He had jumped and grabbed her wrist hard his eyes wide in fear for all of a second before he remembered his surroundings. She frowned slightly, after all this time still not sure why he always woke up so violently.

"We're here Jack," she said softly, turning to check in, leaving him to his thoughts.

Sighing, Jack climbed out of the car, without the pills in his system his limbs seemed heavier and sore. His head killed, and glancing over, he saw Claire, Shannon, Charlie, and Libby playing Duck-duck-goose in the parking lot, Boone sitting on the sidelines watching, his bad leg seeming to fill with blood as Jack watched. Jack flinched, more able to remind himself that it wasn't real now that he wasn't completely stoned. Glancing around he was relieved to see his father wasn't among the "friends" with him at the moment.

Kate hollered from across the lot, gesturing to the room behind her, and Jack sighed, walking over slowly, his head pounding with every step. Entering, Jack knew that if his head hadn't hurt so much he would have doubled over laughing at how completely horrible the place was. It stank of, well, he honestly didn't even know, but what really made him want to chuckle was how pale Kate's face went seeing there was only one bed.

"Don't worry Kate," he said with a wary nervous laugh," I'll sleep in the truck."

"You sure?" She asked exhausted but to Jack's surprise her tone was completely civil.

Kate sighed, "Thanks Jack," she said sincerely, determined to be nicer after her accusation in his apartment earlier.

She fidgeted with her hair, pushing it out of her eyes nervously, "Listen I wanted to apol—" CLINK. Jacks eyes snapped up and looked past her, staring over at the ratty chair in the corner.

"What is it Jack?" she asked concerned as his brow furrowed.

"Hello Jack," his fathers voice was booming and smug as he spun his scotch glass with its distinctive clink.

Jack swallowed hard, knowing he couldn't deal with his father, panic rising in his throat, suddenly feeling like a trapped animal.

"Jack?" Kate's concerned voice brought him back to reality for a second, the clink-clink still echoing in his ears as he was determined to not look at his father's smug face.

"I'm…I'm sorry, I have to go," he muttered, brushing quickly past Kate.

"Jack!" she called after him as he slammed the door behind him. Shaking, she realized she was too tired to go after him, too exhausted to fight. Kate sat at the foot of the bed, and finally just cried for her little boy.

Jack crossed the street angrily, seeing the drug store across the street in a strip mall.

Clink-clink" You're SO different from your old man huh Jack," His fathers voice challenged from behind him. Turning around, Jack, saw his father, a small knowing smirk spread across his face.

"Shut. Up." Jack breathed out angrily, his voice low and threatening.

"Jack," his father said, his voice laced with disappointment, and Jack knew a lecture was coming, "Did you learn nothing while I was alive? Did you ignore everything I tried to teach you?"

Jack reeled back, throwing a punch at his fathers smug face, hitting nothing but air as his father seemed to disappear.

Turning back around to go to the strip mall, his father was again standing in front of him, a look of pity and disappointment on his face, "You just never had what it took Jack," he said finally, shaking his head sadly.

"SHUT UP!" Jack screamed, suddenly realizing his surroundings. His heart pounded in his ears, and for a moment things were silent, then Boones rasping started again. Not bothering to glance behind him, knowing he'd see all of them, he went in and bought booze, determined to keep his father quiet.

Sitting across the street from the hotel on a bench he took another swig from one of the three bottles he had bought.

He looked next to him, His father sitting silently now, Boone on his other side rasping as Charlie played a mini concert behind him. Getting in his fathers face he said meaningfully, "The only thing you gave me that was ever worth a damn dad was genetic ability to hold my liquor well. Glad you could help me out," he told his father with a bitter laugh, his fathers' expression was unchanging.

"Come on Jack, "Libby said suddenly standing in front of him. Jack hissed averting his eyes, able to see the motel through the gun shot holes in her stomach. "You've had enough; you should go back to Kate." Calling Mister Eko over, they helped him stumble across the street back to the motel room. Checking he saw it was almost three in the morning, wincing he debated just going to the car to not wake her, until through the closed blinds, he saw her silhouette, pacing back and forth, a tired hand running through her long hair. He sighed, remembering suddenly with a flash of guilt the pain she had to be in with Aaron missing, and opened the door.

She jumped slightly as he entered, relief washing over her features till she saw the half empty bottle in his hands. Her shoulders slumped.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked concerned, Kate's lip trembled as he slurred. She watched as the bottle went from his side up to his mouth as he took another swig.

Crossing the room slowly, she gently put her hand half on the bottle and half on his hand. "Jack, I think you've had enough," she whispered, tugging on the bottle.

"No," he whispered jerking it out of her hand as he heard the familiar Clink-clink of his fathers' glass. He cursed silently under his breath, the meds worked so much better at keeping him quiet.

"Jack," she said quietly coming towards him again tears in her eyes, hating seeing him this way. Clink. "You're gonna," CLINK. "kill yourself," CLINK "If you keep this up," CLINK. She said sadly, trying unsuccessfully to hide the tremor of fear she felt for his safety out of her voice, but looking in his eyes, she knew that in his state, he hadn't even heard her.

Seeing his father, he again felt like he couldn't breathe, a sudden weight hitting him, tying him down and all he wanted to do was run, Kate's hand on his felt like chains, a vice grip, and suddenly he felt the urge to lash out, to make her go away, to leave him to his fate. It was hard enough dealing with the voices, but he couldn't keep pretending to be normal and okay anymore. "You're gonna kill yourself Jack," her words echoed in his head along with Boone's breath and the loud pounding of his own fearful heart.

And suddenly he couldn't stop himself, drunk enough to not care what he said, but not drunk enough to get that damn clinking out of his head, "Or maybe you could just blow me up too Kate. That's what you do to drunks isn't it?" he challenged, wanting to have a real fight, a real conversation, a real anything.

The only warning he got before her hand contacted violently with his face was her sharp hiss of pain at his words. The alcohol dulled the sting, but it was real at least, his mind echoed hollowly.

"How dare you," she whispered hoarsely trembling, tears now spilling out of her eyes. She turned around suddenly to regain her composure, too infuriated at him to let him see her cry. Turning back to face him, her guard was back up Jack realized. All their cards were on the table, ready to be flung mercilessly at the other.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she whispered angrily.

Jack took a unsteady step back and another shot from the ever draining bottle, "What's wrong with me?" he whispered, glancing back at the couch, where for the first time in 8 months, everyone was dead silent-like they should be- even Boone's rasping last breaths seemed silent as they watched him, and Jack staggered, his knees almost giving out. A noise Kate thought was meant to be a laugh escaped his throat, but it sounded more like the strangled inhuman cry of pain of a dying animal.

Taking a deep breath, he swayed forward, almost too drunk to stand, and he held his empty hand out, three fingers in the air.

"What's wrong," he rasped,"is that I don't have what it takes. I used all 3 of my strikes Kate. I'm out. I failed too many people, to many times." Boone's rasped breathing returned as if on cue, "First there was my dad…" Kate watched as his legs again seemed to quiver, ready to buckle under him, "And god he could tune me out for months if I wasn't doing exactly what he wanted me to. There were times where our only conversation consisted of him asking me to pass the scotch across the dinner table," he took another swig at the memory. Another strangled sob escaped his throat, "And then there was Sarah," his voice became nothing more then a whisper, "She thought I was some kind of miracle worker, but the second I couldn't fix things she left me." His eyes finally seemed to refocus on hers, and fresh tears found their way into his eyes despite his best efforts, "God and then there was you Kate. I failed you and Aa-"he flinched, remembering last time he had used his nephews name, "…And your son more then anybody. And it all started on that damn island because everyone there thought the 'Doc was some kind of damn hero'!" he yelled, missing her flinch at his use of Sawyers nick name for him, "Well I'm not Kate, and I never was. So you want to know my problem. I want someone to look at me and see me. Not just the bad, and not just the good moments. Just me, but the problem is I don't even know what that means anymore. I've been ripped and pushed and pulled and broken in so many different directions and so many different pieces for so long that I don't even know what parts of me are real any more or if there's anything real left to fix." He drew a ragged breath, staggering towards her, he finally put the bottle down as he put his hands gently on each of her arms, Kate too stunned and hurt to fight him, and for a brief second he held her like he use to, before he whispered in her ear: "So please Kate cut a damn gas line, because I don't have what it takes to do it myself," the self loathing and desperation in his plea making Kate tremble.

She shivered, numb and terrified by his outburst, her arms not working, feeling too much like jelly to push him away like she knew she should; Too shocked to slap him for again bringing up Wayne, and for in his drunk stupor asking her to blow him up.

For a long moment all that could be heard in the room was their pained ragged breathing in and out, until Kate finally whispered, "You don't mean that Jack, and you need to get help," her mind barely able to process all of what he had just said. He took his hands off her then, like she burned and walked towards the door, picking up the bottle. Standing in the doorway was his father, his glass clinking in his hand, causing Jack to pause.

"Jack," she whispered brokenly as he paused in the doorway for a brief second before hurrying out the door.

She was vaguely aware of him leaving and slouching down against the side of the truck in the parking lot, bottle in hand. She watched him as he quickly staggered back to his feet, hurling the bottle at some unseen enemy with a scream.

She sank slowly to her knees at the foot of the bed, using the wall for support, glancing around she saw the rooms trash can and grabbed it just in time to hurl the contents of her stomach into it, shaking and shivering uncontrollably.

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So yeah...don't hate me just yet though guys, obviously they have some stuff to talka bout now...the more review I get the quicker I update, 8 reviews and chapter 4 is up. Thanks to everyone who did review this, but please if your enjoying this review it, specially if its on your review alert! Thanks again and ...er...to happy Jate! yay

also-on a DISLCAIMER NOTE- If you are seeing people that aren't there: get professional help, not prescription pills OKAY! and if you are ON drugs, inluding prescription pills, get professional help. All of the dark stuff int his fic. is purely fictional and should never be attempted in real life.

alright I'm actually done now


	4. The Gun

_Thanks for the great reviews guys! And as promised heres more. This is mainly a set up chapter, but just because you all didn't flame me after last chapter (and I thought I might get some-I was pretty harsh with both of them) theres some jangst in here too. After this hcapter things are going to get REALLY intense again and pretty much not let up, so enjoy._

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Kate woke from the bed when she heard the TV switch on, Ben's voice coming through the speakers enough to cause her to shoot up. "Katherine, Katherine," he said impatiently. "Time to get a move on," he scolded her like a parent might a child late for school.

"Let me talk to my son," she said almost pleading.

With a sigh, Ben moved to the side of the screen, revealing Aaron, still in his favorite batman shirt, a grin on his face as he waved to her happily.

"Hey baby," she whispered, coming to sit in front of the TV. "You okay?" she asked concerned, visually checking him for damage.

"Yeah mommy, its lots of fun here. The beach is so much fun," he said, before his smile fell slightly, "but when are you going to get here? I miss you," he said, his chin wobbling slightly.

Stifling her tears she smiled up at her boy, holding each side of the TV as if it somehow would make her closer to him, "Real soon bud, real soon, you just hang in there a little bit longer okay. I love you," she whispered thankful he was okay.

Ben shifted back in front of Aaron, "That's all the time you can have for now Katherine," he said dully, "you have to get on the road."

"No, Ben please," she said, pleading with him.

"Katherine, I've shown you, he's fine. You have to hold up your end of this arrangement now. Now then, in the bedside table, there is a key. It opens a locker in the post office of your home town in Iowa Kate. That is where you and Jack are headed next. Goodbye."

"No wait!" she yelled, panicked. Struggling for air, she rested her head against the blank TV screen and cried, terrified for her son.

Drawing a ragged breath as she composed herself, she picked up the key out of the bedside table, exactly as Ben had said; too numb to worry about how it had gotten there. Walking outside, she felt her lip tremble as she saw Jack; his head leaned against the side of the car asleep, a full unopened bottle loosely in his hand. She felt her gut sink, as she realized she didn't know where they were supposed to go from last night. She didn't know how to deal with revelations he had made last night. She also felt anger and resentment towards him bubble in her chest. He should have talked to her, should have let her be his rock more often. Her mind drifted back to their time on the island and she winced instantly. _"You're actually comparing yourself to Jack," "Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you. I'm sorry I'm not as good." "You're my Superman,"_ She hissed, feeling tears burning her eyes again, guilt for putting him on a mile high pedestal hitting her hard, and for not forcing him to talk about it more, to get it out there so that she could have helped. _If he'd talked to me, I could have helped him_ she thought guiltily. She sighed, shaking away the thoughts, knowing it didn't help anyone. She watched him sleep for a moment more, before gently prodding him with her foot to wake him, unable to bring herself to get any closer.

Jerking awake, she saw him cringe, his neck sore. Looking up his deep brown eyes met her, and other then being way hung over, she could tell he was completely lucid. He could see her eyes were still red, and for a long moment, they looked at each other, unable to break eye contact, neither of them knowing what to say to the other.

Jack broke the silence, glancing away, his brow furrowed embarrassed," Kate…I …," he ran his hand through his cropped hair, "I don't remember everything that happened last night…but," he looked back up at her, "But I remember that I brought up Wayne and I…," she watched him suck in a deep breath, his eyes red too, "and that was out of line. I'm so sorry." He finished, unable to find the words- Charlie reminding him that there probably were none- to express how sorry he was.

Kate's shoulders slumped slightly, realizing that she didn't even care that he had brought Wayne and her past into the conversation anymore, more concerned about Jack's other revelations.

She closed her eyes, exhausted from worrying about her son and the love of her life, "Jack it's fine," seeing him open his mouth to argue, to blame himself some more for hurting her, she added quickly, "Let's just forget about it okay," her voice sad, as she got into the drivers seat, unable to make eye contact with him.

Swallowing hard realizing she was still angry at him, he sighed, staggering to his feet, knowing he had no right to push the issue, and he climbed into the back seat, already feeling the nausea of withdrawal hitting him.

**Much Later-Nebraska:**

Jack tapped his foot against the side of the truck, his eyes closed as he tried to drown out his father's lecture. He was afraid to open his mouth, knowing he would lose the battle to keep his lunch down if he did so. Being sober sucks he thought angrily, as a drop of sweat trickled down his cheek. The road curved suddenly, and Jack felt the room spin, his stomach rising into his throat. "Kate pull over," he said panicking. She did, and watched him as he scrambled from the car, vomiting in the ditch on the side of the road. She turned away, unable to watch him. Once he was convinced there was nothing left for him to throw up, he staggered back to the car, muttering an apology to Kate as she handed him a water bottle. "Thanks," he said, averting his eyes embarrassed.

Pulling up hours later at the local post office, Kate took a deep breathe. It had been a long time since she had been here. Noticing the change in her posture, Jack crawled up into the second row of the car behind her, "You okay? Being here and all?" he asked knowing how many bad memories were associated with the small town.

She smiled at him softly, his brow furrowed in concern like the Jack she knew. "Yeah, I'm okay Jack," she said quietly, until she turned around, sucking in her breath.

Jack followed her glance, and cursed softly. "That was your mom who just went into the post office wasn't it?" he asked sympathetically.

"Yeah," she almost squeaked.

"Do you want me to go in Kate?" he asked her softly, tentatively putting a hand on her shoulder. Without thinking, Kate's hand came up instinctively to hold his, and Jack stiffened in surprise.

"No," she said looking back at him, her eyes wide as she tried to hide her fear at seeing her mom again, "We do this together," she added, her voice trembling despite her best efforts.

"Alright," Jack said his voice tight, knowing not to argue and suppressing the urge to kiss her, he loved her sometimes irritating and irrational need to prove she was tough enough to handle things, things no one needed to handle, or deserved to be asked to handle. He was suddenly conscious of his hand on her shoulder, and swallowed hard, loving the feel of her bare shoulder under his hand. And for a moment he stared at the back of her head, as she unconsciously rubbed circles on the back of his hand, wanting nothing more then to crush his lips to hers and drown himself in her, to become intoxicated with her again, his old drug, his old way of keeping sane.

Clink. "Don't be selfish Jack," his fathers voice scolded from behind him. Startled and angry, he pulled his hand off her shoulder quickly as he exited the car, not hearing Kate's sigh of disappointment at losing contact with him.

Kate got out of the car a moment later once she had her composure back, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, nervously. Jack stood behind her, following her in. She savored his presence, realizing that with how close he was following, if she wanted she could press her head back into his chest, and rest there like she use to do, she wondered briefly if he would respond and wrap his arms around her to protect her from the world. She shook the thought away quickly, realizing that that sort of attitude and dependency on him was exactly what he had said he didn't want last night. She swallowed hard, realizing how instinctual, how natural it was for her to look to him.

Looking at the number on the key for the first time, she found she still remembered where to look for the locker, locating it in seconds. Jack stood, protectively, shielding her should her mother look in their direction. Jack took the manila envelope out of the box, and paled instantly, knowing the shape of the object inside the folder. Kate made a move to open it, and he jerked it from her grasp.

"We really don't want to open this here," he said his voice shocked.

"Ah bloody hell; is that a gun in there Jack?" Charlie asked, jumping to try and see what he and Kate were holding.

"Feel it," Jack whispered, pushing it at her hand, watching as her face paled visibly, she knew the shape of a 9 millimeter just as well as he did.

"Katherine? That you?" Kate heard then, coming from behind Jacks broad shoulder. He watched as Kate's face lost even more color, and instead of politely stepping aside, he watched her for a cue. She smiled at him slightly, putting her hand on his chest, guiding him out of the way.

"It's okay Jack," she said, seeing her mother, mail in her lap staring up at her. "Hi mom," she said nervously.

"I don't see my grandson with you," Diane asked, craning her neck to see behind Jacks large form.

Jack could feel Kate stiffen next to him, and could see the pain that flashed in her eyes at the mention of their current situation.

"He wasn't feeling to well," Kate lied fluently.

"And so you just left him?" Diane asked, the insinuation, challenging Kate's job as a mother clear in both her inflection and her slight raise of an eye brow as she said it.

Jack put his hand on the small of Kate's back, a silent sign of support, a smile threatening to spill on his lips, as he saw Charlie being physically restrained by Eko and Claire for insulting the job Kate was doing raising "turnip head".

"It's a…It's actually my fault, "Jack said cutting in fluidly, surprising Kate.

"Neither of us likes to fly much since the…you know, and I have some family things to deal with back home, we didn't want to upset him, so he's with friends," Jack said, looking Diane straight in the eyes.

She stared at him, her expression icy a moment, before deciding it wasn't worth her energy to challenge the weak excuse.

"Katherine, I want to talk to you for a moment," glancing pointedly at the ragged bearded doctor besides her, "alone," she added with a slight raise of her nose.

"I'll be by the car," Jack said excusing himself, his head hurting, as he grew weary of trying to hear the real conversation through his private background chatter.

Kate swallowed hard steeling herself for the worst from her mother about her parenting skills, not at all expecting where the conversation went.

"Shame on you Katherine for letting a man like that near your son," she said angrily, staring up at her daughter.

Kate wretched back, eyes wide like she had been punched, anger quickly over powering her other emotions, "How dare you," she whispered, "After who you left me around how dare you insult me and worse, how dare you insult Jack!" Lowering herself to eye level with her mother, hands on either arm of her wheel chair, Kate's eyes seethed with pure rage, "He has his problems, but he's a good man. Jack has never laid a hand on me or Aaron, and he never would," she said with complete trust in the statements truth, shaking her head furiously she added," And there is a huge difference between being a drunk and a _wife beater_ mom," she hissed, turning and walking out to meet Jack, who she noticed once again seemed to be staring at nothing, his jaw clenched and brow furrowed angrily.

"Hey," she said, greeting him, concerned, "What's going on Jack?" she asked, putting her hand on his bicep and squeezing gently, pulling him back to reality , getting his attention off of whatever had him transfixed. Jack turned to her slowly, seeing her eyes red, and without thinking cupped her cheek gently in his hand, wiping a stray tear away. His hands stayed on her cheeks, and she brought her hand up, holding his hands to her cheek. She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch slowly. Opening her eyes a moment later, she realized he was still looking down at her, his dark eye brows still furrowed in confusion, studying her closely.

"I remind you of him don't I?" he asked his voice pained and raw, "of Wayne." He pulled away.

"No Jack, "she said softly not hesitating, not letting him remove his hand from hers, "You have your problems, but there's a difference between being a bad person and having demons to deal with, "she added in a whisper.

"Thank you," he whispered back. Reaching into the car he took out the last bottle of booze and unscrewed the top. She started to protest, angry that he would turn around after what she had said to drink, until he turned the bottle upside down, letting all the alcohol splash out onto the ground.

She gave him a small smile, wanting more then anything to kiss him, proud and relieved that he had done that, but stopping herself, unsure of what it would mean, "Thank you Jack," she whispered back.

They stared at each other for a long moment, before Jack was broken from the trance by Claire, "Jack, there's still the issue of the gun and getting my son back," she scolded annoyed.

His head quickly jerked back to the envelope, and he sighed deeply, afraid of what else they were going to find in it. Kate's eyes followed his, and she closed her eyes, laying her head in her hands as she saw the folder. She moved to open it.

"Wait, "Jack said, "Let's get a hotel room first." Kate's heart pounded in her ears hearing his suggestion and her throat went dry.

"Why?" she whispered, unable to stop her mind from wandering despite their current predicament.

"We shouldn't open this in public, who knows whose watching and stuff, "Jack said logically.

"Right, good idea," Kate said, turning her head away to hide her face as her cheeks turned pink.

Arriving at the only hotel in town, Jack had checked in, making sure to get a room with two beds. They sat on the edge of one of the beds, placing the package on the other, the envelope, the bulge of the gun clearly visible as they stared at it. Neither of them said anything for almost an hour, afraid to open Pandora's Box.

Jack's company was surprisingly quiet, save Ana Lucia and Shannon again arguing over gun control. Jack eventually broke the thick silence, "Look, whatever happens, whatever's in there, it'll be okay. We'll get your son back Kate," he said.

Opening the folder slowly Jack sucked in a breathe. Inside was a picture of a man, a post-it note on top of it with a location. Pulling out the 9mm it wasn't hard to put together what Ben expected of them.

"Oh god," Kate whispered, her hand flying over her mouth, running into the bathroom to throw up. Jack followed her in slowly, sitting down next to her he rubbed her back as she threw up, tears streaming down her face. Swallowing hard, Kate composed herself and sat back up against the side of the tub next to Jack.

"I don't want to kill people Jack," she whispered. "I hated Wayne and on the island…that was survival…but…I don't," she whispered breaking into tears, holding her knees close to her chest. Kate hated Ben right then, for making this their errand. She knew she would do whatever it took to get her son back, but she didn't know how she would be able to look Aaron in the eye, knowing what she had done to innocent people. Killing people at random, she shivered, it was hard for even her to reconcile.

"I know Kate," he said quietly, putting his arm around her, pulling her closer. He stank of stale alcohol, but Kate didn't care, burying herself deep into his chest to muffle her tears, irritated only by his beard scratching against her forehead.

She fell asleep with her head buried in his chest, hands clinging to fistfuls of his shirt. Jack focused on her steady breathing, trying hard to ignore his father and Boone's rasping. Sighing, Jack picked her up and carried her over to one of the beds, tucking in the covers around her. She pulled herself up against the pillow, and Jack stood over her for a minute, feeling like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it. _It was you who did that yourself you idiot_, he reminded himself scathingly. He was so close to her, and yet he knew things were too far gone. She was emotional and worried about her son, and if it wasn't for that, he knew that she wouldn't be giving him the time of day. He pushed a stray curl out of her eyes, leaning over her, he kissed her cheek gently, "Good night Kate," he whispered.

Jack woke with a start, checking the clock; it was just passed two in the morning. Letting his eyes adjust, he saw something slide under their door. Getting out of bed, careful not to wake Kate, he picked up a baggie. Taking it into the bathroom, he turned on the lights. His insomnia pills and a note from Ben, telling him he hoped he hadn't suffered too much without them. Jack could just picture Ben writing it, a huge sick smirk on his face, fully hoping and knowing he had suffered.

He wanted to take the pills, god he wanted to take them, but casting a longing look back at the door, he knew he couldn't. He couldn't take them in the same room as Kate, the very idea of betraying her trust like that making bile rise in his throat. He closed his eyes, quivering, turning to the toilet. "I'm not strong enough to do this," he whispered, holding the bag of pills over the toilet; instead stuffing them into his pocket. Walking out of the bathroom, he grab the keys off of the bedside table, and quietly closed the hotel room door behind him, driving off.

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_Thats that. I know it dragged a bit but it was all important, in my mind anyways... Next chapter you'll find out what Jack is going to do with the pills, and Kate gets to see Aaron again._

_Question- I was writing an upcoming chapter that has the man Ben was talking to on the phone return...no one has mentioned him in a review and I was kind of surprised...did people just miss that or was it not as shcokign as I had hoped/not worth mentioning? thanks in advance for your input!_

_You are all just 8 reviews away from chapter 5 going up!_


	5. The Pills

_I feel generous for some reason, 3 updates in one weekend is EXTREMELY unlike me but I'm loving writing this fic.( even though its very emotionally draining lol) For the record, I have written through chapter 13, and have roughly 8 more to write word for word still, so update and as you've seen reviews come asap. Any spelling mistakes in this one you can blame on exhaustion, I've been a writing machine this weekend, and sadly can't bring myself to edit/look through this one more time._ _And thank you for all the awsoem reviews_

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Kate stirred to what sounded like a blender. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up, seeing Jack intently adding a banana to a red concoction, strawberry stems cut up and laying on the table.

"What are you doing?" she asked sleepily. Jack flinched, guiltily.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said stopping the blender, and pouring the liquid into a cup, handing it to her.

"What's this about?" she asked, a slight smile on her face at waking up to breakfast.

"Look…the other night when I was…drunk…I said some stuff, and I still don't remember half of it, but I'm sure it was all horrible," he swallowed looking guilty, his big puppy dog eyes boring into her, "And I know this isn't a big deal, me making breakfast…not even breakfast, just a smoothie," he muttered," ….but…but I'm trying," he said. "I'm trying to do better," he clarified, swallowing hard.

Kate swallowed back tears, touched by the explanation, and took the smoothie from his outstretched hand. "Thank you Jack," she said meaningfully, for a long second they just stood like that, both with their hand on the glass, staring at each other, before Jack's eyes dart away distracted. She took a sip and noticed he wasn't eating anything.

"I already ate," he lied when she asked. She took another sip before the glass fell to the floor, the room starting to spin.

"What's happening," she whispered panicked as Jack came over to catch her as her legs gave out.

"Easy Kate," he whispered picking her up as her eyes started to lull shut.

He set her back down in the bed, pulling a rope out from the drawer in the bedside table. "What are you doing Jack?" she asked confused and suddenly exhausted.

He crouched down on his knees next to her, his face guilty. "Remember when you drugged me Kate, back on the island, for my own good? Consider this karma okay?" he said, begging for forgiveness as he tied her hands above her head to the bed post, and tied a bandanna around into her mouth to keep her from screaming for help. She drifted to sleep as Jack hung a "Do Not disturb" sign on the door, and walking out he hid the gun in his jacket pocket along with the picture of the man he knew he had to kill.

The location Ben had given him was over an hour away. It was just a typical looking rural farm house, and nobody was coming in or out. Jack sighed exasperated, sick of listening to his personal peanut gallery as he waited, he didn't want to just go into the house waving a gun around incase it wasn't the right place. Instead he sighed, walking around to the front of his car and popping the hood. Sticking his head in he disconnected some wires, just to be convincing before walking over to the farm house. He had the man's face memorized, he would know it when he saw him. Knocking on the door to the house, the man answered. The realization of what he was about to do dawned on him, and he suppressed a shudder.

"Yeah," the man said gruffly, "no solicitors."

"I'm not," Jack said quickly, "My car broke down and I'm not getting cell coverage, any chance I could use your phone?" he lied smoothly. The man hesitated a minute before nodding, and opening the door for him to come in.

"The phones over there," the man said gesturing towards the kitchen. Jack gave the man a grateful smile walking towards the kitchen, his hand sliding inside of his coat for the gun, unable to stop his hand from shaking.

He froze, as he felt a cold barrel press into his back, and the click of a safety disengaging.

"You think you're the first one they've sent after me sonny?" the mans gruff voice asked.

Jack stayed still, his hands slowly coming up in surrender, the man lowered the gun slightly to check Jack for weapons, and Jack took his opportunity. Swinging around, he locked the mans armed hand under his arm at the shoulder, leveraging from the forearm up, till he heard a satisfying pop and his gun clatter to the ground. The man screamed, staggering a step back as his right arm hung now at a disturbing and crooked angle. He took a wild swing at Jack with his other arm, missing by a foot, and Jack clocked him across the jaw, sending him to the ground. Pulling the gun out of his jacket, Jack hissed, trying to keep the tears back. Looking down at the terrified man below him, he pushed the silencer into the mans temple. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes as he pulled the trigger.

Staggering back outside, he made it across the street before seeing the blood splattered on his pants, and he vomited into a ditch next to his car, shivering in horror. He shivered as he got into the drivers seat, heading back to what he was sure would be a pissed off Kate.

Sighing heavily as he turned the lights on in the hotel, his eyes instantly traveled to Kate, who was looking at him murderously, shaking her shackled wrist as if to say you have all of 5 seconds to get these off before I rip your head off.

He put his hands on either side of her face, about to pull the gag out, before he sighed, "Your gonna start yelling the second this is out aren't you?" he mused, as Kate raised her eye brows, gee you think. "Then just hear me out okay?" he said sadly, "You have a son Kate. If we'd gotten caught…he needs his mom Kate, you can't be accused or worse convicted of another murder." He sighed, "So I'm sorry, but I did what I thought was best," seeing her expression soften, he pulled the gag out of her mouth, reaching behind her to untie her hands as he did so adding, " I know you think you have to do everything your self to get him back Kate, but you don't. I'm here because I want to help you," the clinking of his fathers glass and Boone's pained breathing suddenly loud in his ears, he added more to affirm it for himself " I'm not here because I'm a junkie and I need a fix. I'm here for you." He finished looking at her meaningfully. The emotion in his eyes was over whelming and Kate was forced to turn away, rubbing her tender wrist for a second, before getting on her knees and hugging him, her head resting on his shoulder, burying her face into the side of his neck. He felt a few of her silent tears trickle down his neck as he held her.

Pulling back with a small sniffle she held his shoulders looking him dead in his eyes, "But from now on we are together in this. I won't let you do this on your own," she looked at him meaningfully, "You're not Superman you know," she added, giving him a small understanding smile.

He gave her a grateful half smile, and while he would never give any indication intentionally, Kate could tell his shoulders seemed to slump less, like his burden had lifted, if only a little.

A phone rang suddenly, snapping them both out of their thoughts. Glancing over, Kate saw that it was the cell Ben had given her that was ringing. She swallowed hard, putting it to her ear, "Channel 8," was his dull response before the line went dead.

"How nice to see you both again and in one piece," he said with a sick smile once the TV was on. "Jack, if you check under the mat outside your door, you'll see my act of good faith for today," he added.

Jack checked under the mat and sucked in his breath, more pills. Kate saw and went pale, not wanting to see him take them again. He ran a hand through his hair frustrated. The chaos in his head was too much to handle without the pills and withdrawal was making him crazy. But he couldn't bring himself to take them, seeing Kate staring at him from across the room devastated.

Turning back to the screen when she realized Jack had caught her hurt expression she challenged, "Ben I want to see my son. I want to see Aaron."

"I'm sorry Kate, but I only make one act of good faith per visit. I chose to give Jack what he needed this time," he said with a chuckle.

Kate sucked in a breath, it was Aaron or the pills, and she suddenly felt irrational resentment bubble over at Jack for choosing the pills over Aaron, even though she knew it was Ben exploiting his weakness to hurt them both.

Jack stared at the pills, his brow furrowed in deep concentration, a silent war going on as he listened to Charlie, Claire, and Ana Lucia yelling at him, giving their various opinions on what he should do.

He drew a ragged breathe, barely able to believe what he was about to suggest, the Clink of his fathers glass echoing in his pounding ears. "Wait, Ben….what if I don't take the pills? Can we…can Kate see her son?" he asked, unable to meet Kate's eyes and missing the stunned and grateful look she gave him.

Ben's lip curled slowly into a malicious smile, "Only if you get rid of them Jack. Flush them down the toilet."

Jack swallowed hard, knowing he didn't have what it took, wasn't strong enough to physically throw them out. Suddenly, the layer of sweat and his paleness seemed more evident to Kate, he was trying to hide it, but withdrawal was a bitch. And despite herself, she felt her heartstrings tug, seeing him trying so hard to do the right thing, despite the physical pain it was causing him. She moved next to him, putting her hand on the bag. "I'll do it Jack, just give them to me," she said gently, squeezing his shoulder gently. He nodded, not fighting as he dropped the baggie into her hand.

"No Kate," Ben's amusement at their torment unhidden as a genuine smile spread across his face, "Jack has to do it. It was his gift, so he has to get ride of it."

Jack's entire body went rigid next to her at his words, but he took the bag and took one staggered step towards the bathroom. Letting out a ragged breathe, he trudged to the bathroom. He stared at the pills for a long moment, and standing in the living room with the TV, Kate knew she had stopped breathing too, not knowing if he was going to be able to do it.

"Come on Jack," Claire said gently, pulling the baggie from his fist, "You can do it without these you know." He swallowed hard, his hand darting forward as if to catch them, but instead his hand fell on the handle to the toilet. He shivered, staring longingly at the pills before flushing them down.

Kate let out a long breath as she heard the toilet flush, and Jack staggered back out into the main room. His shoulders were slumped, and he looked shaken, but he had done it. She resisted the urge to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him to death, unable to explain how happy it made her to see him rising above his addiction. First he had poured out the alcohol, and now he had given up his drugs, not once but twice, for her and for Aaron.

Ben's lip twitched, as he barely managed to cover up his disappointment, he had hoped Jack would fail. It was too much fun to toy with him. "Very well, I'll send for Aaron," he said after a beat.

Jack flinched, "I'll ah, I'm gonna step outside for a few minutes okay," Jack said, excusing himself and heading towards the door.

"Jack," Kate called, "You can stay, you can talk to him," she said, a smile on her face. "I know he wants to see you," she added, her comment having the opposite effect on him then she had hoped.

His face hardened as he tried to hide the pained look in his eyes, "After all this time. He suddenly leaves and then I'm back in the picture? He'll think …I don't know, but," he ran a tired hand over his face, swallowing hard. "He shouldn't see me like this. And I don't deserve to see him."

"Jack," she said, tilting her head to the side in her cute concerned manner, like she had all those times on the island, hating to see him beat himself up as usual, "He loves you. And you're the reason I get to see him, you deserve to."

He shook his head as he opened the door to the motel room, "Thanks Kate, but we both know that's not true. Not yet," he said sadly. "Talk to your son," he added, stepping across the threshold.

"You can call him Aaron. After what you did, you can do that at least," she almost plead.

His smiled gratefully at her, shaking his head, "I haven't earned that right either Kate," as he closed the door behind him.

Kate wanted to run after him, but Ben returned as if on cue with Aaron at that moment, and she was forced to focus on the TV as her little boy's cheerful face showed up on the screen.

"Hey baby," she whispered, again sitting down near it, determined to be as close as possible to her son, "I'm coming okay."

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_yay! with the exception of the whole...murder...thing, it was actually a happy chapter, relatively speaking I suppose. Things will get very dramatic after this, till aobut chapter 12 so for the record no I'm not going soft lol, there is PLENTY of Jangst left (oy)_

_I do have a Question though: As I said I'm almost finsihed writing this fic, and sicne I dont' want to lose momentum in between fics, I wanted to figure out which of these 3 ideas I've been working on I should pursue next. I like to think out a fic. before I write it and since I'm so scatter brained I need you all to put in your opinion in which idea I should focus my energy on:_

_1. Flight Oceanic 815 crashes, and survivors include Dr. Katherine Austen, the worlds top spinal surgeon, and Jack Shephard, a criminal and Fugitive being excorted back to the united States for his trial. (back stories will be varied slightly to accomodate character)_

_2. What if Jack was the one to jump from the helicopter? (thats pretty much it, and I get the feeling that after this fic. antoher back to the island adventure might feel redundent to me and you guys)_

_3.The closets I will allow myself to get to a Twighlight knock off, even though it totally isn't_

_:The oceanic 6 are Kate, the marshall, Shannon, Boone, Michael and Walt, and they land on the island only to discover it s a sciene expiriment done horribly wrong. The others sit on Alcatraz and watch as a "vampire" sect, lead by 1600's Jack Shephard, a military doctor battle against the "wolves" Lead by Locke and Sawyer, (who's a 1600's pirate) It's totally not as lame as it sounds...I don't think...hopefully it won't turn out as lame as it sounds at least_

_AU I think is the way to go, just so things don't get dull, given how drenched in LOST mythos this fic. is, I feel anything "canon" centric might feel redundent._

_4. sigh and if someone can think of an idea that sucks less feel free to clue me in lol_

_Thanks again for the reviews they rock_

_Athenia Alexandria- I was going to include Diane more, I wanted Jack to have a chance to talk to Diane alone, and to see Kate's old bedroom etc, but I just couldnt' see Diane inviting them over if Aaron isn't there, and I coudlnt' see Kate excepting an invite. So sadly I didn't get it to work as well as I had hoped. But at least it helped get Jack to see how much his drinking problem hurt Kate._

_And as usual, 8 reviews gets you an update. :D_


	6. The Bullet

_Wow thanks guys, This chap. I got my most ever reviews I think, the funny thing is 3 of them were in chapter 1 lol, strange. Anyways, If I get 8 reviews I'll update again at this time tomorrow. I'm really happy actually because a section of the story, originally chapter 14 got stretched into 3 chapters, so now the fic. is goign to be at least 3 chapters longer! yay! I have to say I think people will enjoy these next two chapters._

_oh, and if you haven't heard it, check out Josh Kelley's new song: It Breaks My Heart from his CD To Remember b/c it totally seems like the theme song for this fic. lemme know if you agree lol_

_oh, and respond to my question from last chap...and if you're still reading this enjoy_

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They awoke to the sound of the cell phone, grumbling Kate had grabbed it, listening to Ben's new instructions. Go to New York. He had given them an address and name of a hotel they were suppose to check into, and he told them they would get further instructions there.

Jack felt bad, making Kate do the driving, but they both knew he was in no condition to drive, still fighting his way through withdrawal. After 2 intense days on the road, they arrived in New York and checked into their, as usual, dumpy hotel.

Kate sighed sleepily, practically falling onto the bed in exhaustion. Jack sat on the edge of the bed next to her silently rubbing her back. New York driving sucked she had concluded multiple times during the hours of traffic. She closed her eyes enjoying the feel of his hands on her back, kneading the tense muscles there. Jack focused on her breathing, watching her back rise and fall, unable to hide the smile on his face as she tried to suppress a grateful moan as he hit a particularly sore spot.

"I'll go grab us some dinner," he whispered suddenly, getting up; missing her muffled groan at him leaving her side because of the chaos and chatter in his head.

Coming back with Chinese take out, they had had a surprisingly nice evening, joking and laughing in a way that reminded Kate of the way they had eaten together on the island.

The evening had been interrupted around 10:30, when the phone had rang again.

"Check the bedside table," Was Ben's stoic greeting and goodbye, the line going dead in seconds. Dreading what they would find, they opened the drawer to find another picture of a man and a time and location stamped to the photo. Getting their next execution orders had killed the night, and they both had gone to sleep, not even knowing what else to say to the other.

They had dressed silently in the morning, still unsure of how to deal with their forced new role as assassins. Following the directions Ben had provided, they had shown up on the edge of what was a port. Giant freighter ships stocked full of cargo were everywhere. Cargo crates, the giant kind that were on trains, lined the yard, stacked high. Getting out of the car slowly, they surveyed their surroundings, it was still early, 4 in the morning, and the only light was the light of fire barrels as homeless men and women tried desperately to get warm. Jack swallowed hard, recognizing the man in the photo as a man hunched over in a corner trying to get warm.

"Kate," Jack said quietly, gesturing to the man. Kate's face paled.

"You've got to be kidding me," she whispered sadly.

The man looked up then, and saw them staring at him. Standing up, he bolted into the columns of crates.

"Damn it," Jack cursed, breaking into a run after the man. Running down the dark alley his legs quickly had him outrunning Kate, following the swoosh of the mans ratty trench coat around the corner. As Jack rounded the corner the man tackled him head on, using Jack's momentum against him, to slam him in through the door of an open adjacent door to a crate, his head hitting the steel floor with a thud, causing Jack to see spots for a second, before he realized the man wasn't done with him. The man hunched over Jack, pulling him up again by the scruff of his shirt, slamming his upper body back against the cold steel.

"Who sent you," he hissed, repeating the motion, "Was it Paik? Ben? Jacob?" He slammed Jack back against the floor. Jack let out a grunt of pain. "How the hell did you find me?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jack wheezed.

Slamming him against the floor again, the man said, "I've been living here, I've been hiding. How the **HELL DID THEY FIND ME!**" he screamed.

Hearing the scream, Kate turned around and bolted, cursing softly under her breath at having made a wrong turn in the long winding labyrinth of crates. Seeing a crow bar lying on the ground, she grabbed it and kept running. She slowed down as the screaming seemed to stop, before she saw movement out of the corner of her eyes. Holding her breath she crept to the crate, lunging violently as she saw the man they were after grinding his foot down hard on Jack's sternum trying to make him pass out; and judging by the panicked look in Jack's eyes it was working. She swung it hard, hitting his shoulder causing him to fall forward over Jack. The man quickly changed direction to deal with her, the new threat, and hit her hard, the ring on his hand cutting her deep over her eye brow, before turning and running out again. Jack staggered to his feet, lightheaded, and hurried to her, adding his own hand over hers as she held her forehead gingerly.

She could feel him snap into doctor mode, ripping a strip off the hem of his shirt, pressing it to her head to help stop the blood that was trickling into her eye.

"Come on Kate," Jack instructed, his voice coming out in a wheeze. He put his arm around her waist, knowing she couldn't see, as he guided her towards the trailer that served as an office. Blowing the lock off with the gun, he set her down in the chair there, grabbing the basic first aid kit off the wall. He sighed, grateful to find a small amount of thread in the kit along with a needle. She hissed as he sewed the cut up, putting a bandage over it. It was over quickly and he tenderly cleaned the blood out of her eyes, his hands lingering over her face. She closed her eyes, enjoying the tenderness of his touch as the adrenaline wore down. "Kate…I..." he started in a whisper, his voice still sounding strained.

"Shhhh Jack," she said softly, bringing her hand up to the side of his face. He turned his head, laying a feather light kiss on her palm, the course hair of his beard sending a shiver through her body. For one bliss filled second, everything was quiet, Jack's head seemed completely clear and all he could see was Kate. He stood from where he had been kneeling in front of her, feeling the over powering need to pull her close and crush his lips to hers. This had been too close, and it had made him realize selfishly he didn't want to ever risk losing her again.

The glass cracked suddenly as a shot rang off. Kate screamed, and Jack turned, sheltering her from the window as he pulled them both to the floor, but not before 3 more shots sounded off. Jack gasped as his vision went white, the new pain emanating from his shoulder suddenly all he could feel.

Kate acted quickly, pulling the gun out from Jack's jacket pocket, adrenaline coursing through her again. She had the better shot for once, and she was going to take it. The man was running towards the building. She aimed and fired, and he crumbled to the ground.

She let out a sigh of relief as Jack sat up, letting out a pained breathe.

"You okay?" he asked again.

"Yeah, you?" she said back her heart pounding in her ears.

His breathing sounded pained, and he grit his teeth, "Lets get back to the hotel," he said, grabbing the medical kit as they exited the office, heading back to the car. Kate walked in front of Jack, hearing his breathing grow more labored.

"Jack what's wrong?" she said turning around, tilting her head in concern, her hands resting gently on his hips. His eyes flashed in pain, and he swallowed hard resisting the urge to keel over; breathing was getting harder from the combination of the beating he had received and the bullet in his shoulder.

"Let's get home Kate, you can't do anything till then," he swallowed hard, suddenly drained, like saying that had taken all of his energy. He closed his eyes, and tipped forward. Staggering back up, Kate grabbed him, putting his arm around her as she helped him back to the car. He all but fell into the back seat, as he did so he slumped down leaving a trail of blood. Kate swallowed hard her eyes going wide.

"Jack! JACK!" she screamed again when he didn't answer. Climbing into the car next to him, her hands went to his face, trying to wake him. She struggled to bring his large form into sitting position, freezing as she felt a cool liquid on the back of his right shoulder. He groaned softly in pain.

"We need to get to the hotel, there's nothing you can do here," he whispered into her ear weakly. She suppressed a sob, setting him down as gently as she could, her lip trembling as she pulled out of the lot, tires screeching.

"Come on Jack, you gotta help me," she pleaded as she tried unsuccessfully to pull him out of the back seat.

"Kate…" he whispered, coming around.

"Yeah, that's good, good," she said, fighting backs hysterics as she pulled him out of the back seat, blood coating it and her hands.

They wobbled into the motel room, Jack again fighting to remain conscious

Once in the room, Jack's legs gave out, surprising Kate who couldn't hold him up, and he tumbled to the floor. She pulled him back into sitting position, slapping his cheek to keep him from passing out again, blood staining her shirt as she held him from behind.

"Jack I can't do this, okay, you have to talk me through this, don't you leave me," she said panicking.

"Okay," he whispered hoarsely, fighting the urge to close his eyes and rest. "You have to get the bullet out. The tweezers…in the… the medical kit….you'll haveta use them….then listen….make sure my blood clots before you stitch it back up, or it won't hold," he wheezed, his voice getting lower and weaker with each word.

She worked his jacket off quickly, causing him to hiss in pain as it came off his right shoulder, "Sorry," she said hurriedly as she went to work on his shirt, growing frantic as the pool of blood on his and her shirts got larger. She ripped it open, getting a faint chuckle from him despite the situation as buttons bounced onto the ground. He hissed again louder this time when she worked his shirt off. Grabbing the tweezers, she swallowed hard, knowing she couldn't and didn't want to fathom how much what she had to do would hurt. Sticking them into the wound as gently as she could, Jack let out a strangled cry of pain." Jack, I can't find the bullet….Jack? JACK!" he was gone, out cold from the pain and bloods lose. She shivered, his life now really in her hands. The realization made her arm tremble, and she forced herself to count to five before fishing the tweezers deeper into the wound. She heard a tiny 'tink' as the tweezers mad contact with the bullet, and she managed to work the tweezers around the bullet, pulling it out. Blood seemed to hit her like a torrent in the seconds before she got the medical cloth up to clot the wound. She shivered again, tears running freely down her cheeks, her heart pounding in her ears. Once it clotted she let out a breath, moving to do the one thing she knew she could do; stitch him up.

She dressed the wound, putting a medical pad over it before dragging him two feet onto the bed, propping him up to keep him from bleeding again. She looked at his pale face, still twisted in pain even in sleep and sunk to the floor, shivering as she looked at the blood on her hands. She took a moment to cry, letting it all out, letting the adrenaline run its course before she went to change out of her blood stained clothes.

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_Well that's all-for the record, the almost kiss they shared in the office will come up again wiggles eyebrows_

_Anyways, here's a fun fact-this scene originally took place in a chocolate factory and ended with Jack and Kate covered in chocolate…Jack was still injured, but yeah. I ended up feeling it would have taken away fromt he severity of the moment, but sigh maybe I'll pm Stun04 or someone and ask them to do a modified version of this scene lol. _

_Oh, and Jack's guilt over the killings will be addressed, ...but as you can see he's a little busy at the mo. (I feel so evil- but strap in guys, this is only the beginning evil Ben like smirk) _

_Thanks for reading, 8 reviews and you get chapter 7, which in my personal opinion is a pretty cool chapter _


	7. The Ghosts

_Wow, practically every review made mention of the fact that I mentioned this chapter. The pressures on apparently lol. I think its good, and for the record thats b/c I like angst lol. So yes, for the record beign totally mad at me is allowed after this chapter...and a lot of the coming ones. _

_Also, if you have a chance, check out (and hopefully review) some of my kinda lame, but not horrific...I don't think ...jate oneshots! I would love to here even more from all you fellow Jaters!_

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Kate shivered, scrubbing the blood off of herself in the shower, using the wall for support, too shaken to stand on her own fully.

Coming out, she looked at Jack's pale figure lying on the bed. His breathing was still weak, and she sucked in a breath as she saw a bruise on his sternum forming in the shape of a boot. Examining him further, she saw a huge bruise had started on his upper back too. She cursed silently, wishing she had been able to keep up with Jack back in the ship yard.

She pulled a chair up next to the bed, holding his hand in hers, bringing her other hand up to his face, running it over his cheek, again irritated by his damn beard, realizing for the first time since the shooting how close they had been to ending up in each others arms back in the ship yard. It occurred to her that she had never kissed him with a beard, and then, that she didn't want to. The beard represented everything her Jack wasn't, everything he had spent the last couple of days trying to get rid of, his drug addiction, the alcohol. She fidgeted for a second, before getting up and fishing a razor out of a bag. She gently dabbed on the shaving cream, being careful as she ran the razor over his face, slowly chiseling away at the beard, revealing under it the strong jaw and smile of the Jack she loved. Finishing, she ran her hands over his face. She hadn't done a perfect job, there was still a thin layer of scruff, but she smiled slightly, knowing he'd like that. He shifted and groaned in discomfort in his sleep, and she felt the over powering urge to be closer to him. She shifted him gently, and lay behind him, cradling his back against her chest, her legs on either side of his, letting his head fall back against her shoulder, as she wrapped her arms around his stomach, holding him protectively. "Kate…" he whispered in his sleep, and a few more of her tears dripped onto his chest. She leaned her head down and gently kissed his neck, keeping her head buried there in his neck; savoring the smell and feel of his skin on hers.

"It's okay Jack, just go to sleep," she whispered soothingly into his ear. She trembled slightly, knowing that she couldn't go to sleep until he had woken up, afraid that maybe it was just a dream, and she had failed in fixing him. She sat listening to his shallow breathing for hours before he stirred against her again. He muttered something incoherent against her bare skin before his eyes fluttered open looking straight back into hers.

"Hey," he whispered weakly, breathing her in as deeply as he could, coughing suddenly. She helped push him up into sitting position, climbing around to his front, fear and concern in her eyes. He looked down and winced seeing the bruise on his chest. "Damn," he swore, the pain hitting him like a bull dozer. His shoulder felt like it had been through a shredder, and it hurt like hell to breath, both his sternum and back ached. Kate surveyed the damage there for the first time, shoulders sagging frustrated.

"Can you hold yourself up for a minute?" she asked concerned.

"Think so," he breathed, gripping the side of the bed as she left, suddenly feeling very heavy. He hadn't realized how much she was supporting him until she was gone. She came back with ice, sitting again so that she supported his weight and he winced as she pressed the ice into a particularly large welt on his back.

They stayed silent a minute as she helped him get more comfortable. Their eyes met again, and Kate sucked in a breath, seeing the tenderness in his eyes, knowing that he was thinking about their almost kiss in the ship yard, same as her. Seeming to read her mind, he shifted his focus, gesturing to the cut on her forehead, wincing as he pulled himself back up.

"Let's see that," he said, unconsciously moving his hand up to run it over his beard, freezing as his hand instead found his shaved chin. He looked at her surprised for a second before a small smile crept across his face.

"After I cleaned the blood off you I figured I should finish the job," she explained sheepishly. He laughed appreciatively, pulling her closer, almost onto his lap, to examine her cut. He saw her try to hold back a flinch as he peeled the band aid back.

"How's it look?" she asked, trying to keep her mind off of the fact that he was breathing right into her mouth because of their angle, their noses grazing every time he moved.

"All three stitches are looking good," he said with a small smile.

"Only three huh? Felt like more," she joked lamely, watching his lips as he worked.

He opened his mouth to speak but froze when they made eye contact. He swallowed hard, seeing the love and tenderness he felt reflected in her eyes. For a moment everythign seemed to stop and then their mouths crashed together, the spark of passion instantly turning tender as she brought her hands up to cup his face. He pulled her fully onto his lap, letting his good hand sneak under the rim of her shirt, sending butterflies through her stomach at his feather light touch, while his injured arm rested on the small of her back pulling her closer. Their bodies and mouths entwined until Jack was forced to pull back with a painful cough, his breathing still weak from the fight.

"You okay?" Kate asked, passion instantly replaced by concern for the man she loved.

"Yeah, no I'm fi—"he froze, as over Kate's shoulder he saw his own personal peanut gallery had returned all watching them intently.

Charlie looked startled, "Well don't bloody stop on our account Jack," he said his eyes wide as he gave him two thumbs up. Claire thumped him over the back of the head, rolling her eyes.

"We can't do this Kate," he said suddenly, moving her off of his lap and staggering to his feet.

"Wait, what?" she said stung and worried by his sudden change in mood. "Jack! Why not?" she challenged growing angry.

"Because we aren't alone," he blurted out honestly before he could stop himself.

Kate glanced around confused, "What are you talking about Jack?"

He gave a short nervous chuckle, sick of lying and of having this almost relationship with Kate that was built on half truths and flat out lies-all on his part at this point, running his hand through his hair, "You'll think I'm crazy Kate," his eyes finally meeting hers, the wounded puppy dog look entering his eyes, silently pleading for understanding.

She was across the room and at his side in seconds, putting her hands on his sides as she felt him sway. "Hey, you can tell me anything. You know that," she said softly, her voice full of tenderness and love. "You and me Jack; all the way," she affirmed her voice unwavering.

He let out a ragged breathe, relenting "You're alone Kate….but I'm not," he sighed, his face twisting as if what he was about to say made him physically ill, "For the last couple of months I…I've been seeing dead people,"

She took a step back in surprise. That hadn't even been in the realm of what she had expected to hear. "Dead people?" she squeaked, "Like the 6th sense?"

He gave her his doctor look, it telling her silently he wasn't looking to the spiritual and Para-normal for answers "It's not supernatural Kate," he said sadly, "I'm just going…well…I'm just crazy," sitting down on the couch, he put his hand over his face, unable to look her in the eye; humiliated at how weak he was mentally, and at the moment even physically.

She sat down next to him, gently putting her hand on his bare back, supportively, despite the fact that she was freaked and scared out of her mind. She wasn't scared of him, but for him. She had no doubt he was seeing things but she wanted to know why.

"Jack, who exactly are you seeing?" she asked. He winced, pained.

"All of them Kate. Everyone we lost back there; Charlie, Ana, Boone….Claire," he said his voice choked with guilt.

She felt tears well up in her own eyes, hating to see him still beating himself up about what had happened on the island, "Jack….none of that was your fault. There was nothing more you could have done for any of them," she tried to counsel him.

He nodded slowly. "I don't just see them Kate…they talk to me," he whispered. "I hear Boone's last gasps for air over and over again, and Charlie god," he laughed slightly a small smile on his face as he remembered his friend, "he never shuts up."

Kate smiled slightly, "What are they saying now?" she asked, wanting and hoping that talking might make it easier.

"Charlie's yelling at me for putting a stop to what we were doing back there," Jack said smiling softly as he gestured back to the bed. Kate laughed slightly despite herself. That sounded just like Charlie.

The mood shifted though when she asked, "How long have you been seeing them Jack?"

He pulled away from her, his good hand came up, and he ran it through his hair frustrated and scared, his brow furrowed in pain, "8 months," he whispered, feeling her tense up as she realized what he meant.

"That's…that's why you…," her mouth was dry, "This is what you couldn't talk to me about? This is why you left?" she finished, getting up, hurt that after all the weird shit they had been through on the island he didn't trust her enough to help him get over their mutual friends deaths.

He looked up at her pained, a tear on the corner of his eye, "It wasn't that I was seeing them Kate…it was what they were saying," he whispered, his voice raw with pain. "What my father's ghost told me," he laughed bitterly at the term ghost, despite all he had gone through still not believing in what he couldn't prove.

She turned her head concerned as she came to sit in front of him on the floor, her hands holding his in support. She knew his history with his father; he had lived his entire life, never being a good enough son, a good enough man, or even a good enough surgeon to win his approval. Jack was loyal to a fault, she had seen that first hand, and he had been so to his father too, despite the fact that his father had never returned that devotion, instead kicking Jack and punishing him at every turn. Jack had played it down, telling her over and over his father had only done what he did because he wanted the best for him, but Christian's actions spoke for themselves in the stories Jack told. She forced him to look at her, holding his chin in her hands, "What did he say to you Jack?" she whispered, angry at his father, a man she had never met, for hurting his son so much.

"He told me…that I," his voice cracked with guilt, failure, and pain, "That I not suppose to raise him," he said, looking her in the eye only when he said 'him', making sure she knew who he was talking about. Kate felt queasy, clarity suddenly hitting her like a brick wall. She rested her head on his knee briefly, shaking and heart broken for him, knowing how hard that must have been; being like his father, being a bad father, was Jack's worst fear in the world. Couple that with the fact that he had been told it from beyond the grave and Kate understood, begrudgingly, why he had run. He put a hand on her shoulder tentatively, thinking she hated him, thinking she realized how disturbed and messed up he truly was for the first time. He moved to leave, and she pulled him back to the couch easily since he was still too weak to fight her and she crawled up next to him, holding his good arm tight to her chest, forcing him to hold her hand as their arms entwined. She cupped his face with her other hand turning it so that he looked her dead in the eyes, their faces inches apart. "I'm so sorry Kate," he whispered brokenly.

She kissed him tenderly on the lips, squeezing his hand tightly as she lightly caressed his face, kissing his eyes, nose, and chin before recapturing his lips. "Shh Jack," she soothed, "Its okay. Hey, it's okay," she whispered resting her forehead to his. She shifted again into his lap, her head still on his, "From now on, it's you and me with this one though okay. I have your back," she said through her own tears, "You're gonna talk to me, tell me what they're saying. You're going to let me in," she added her lip trembling, afraid for the broken man in front of her that she loved with every fiber of her being, despite all of his demons. She felt her heart start to pound in her head as he brought his good arm up, pulling her close; the passion of his kiss staggering. She locked her arms around his neck tightly. He pressed her against him more fully, electricity coursing through them at every point of contact, leaning back into the couch as she situated herself so that she didn't hurt his shoulder or chest. They pulled back, and Jack again froze, but he didn't detangle himself from her like last time, instead tightening his arm around her waist. "What is it Jack?" she asked worried she had hurt him.

"My dad's back," he whispered, his voice cracking. "We can't um…"

She shifted off his lap disappointed and yet touched. Even though Jack seemed perfectly aware that his demons weren't real, he would never take her in front of anyone, even if they were imaginary; no matter how much he wanted it and she knew he had-badly. In some weird way it was him being his old chivalrous self. She ducked her head smiling, even going through hell, trying to convince himself he was some sort of monster, he was still the perfect gentlemen.

The moment didn't last though, as looking up she saw him staring angrily at the chair, lost in whatever his father was saying. She found herself wanting to cry as she watched him talk in an angry hushed tone to nothing. Letting it all sink in as she watched, it finally struck her as odd; he had dealt with their deaths for over two years before suddenly he just started seeing them? Something about that didn't sit right with her, and she frowned, worried.

"You're being selfish again Jack," his father scolded.

"Shut. Up," he hissed back threateningly, his voice low, trying not to upset Kate too much. She had accepted his revelation, but he doubted she would take well to seeing him explode like he wanted to at his father, who as far as she, and every other sane person on the planet could tell, wasn't actually there.

Christian stood up, eyeing his son with pity, "Look at yourself son," Jack stared back loathingly, "You're a drunk and a junkie Jack. Just like me," Christian chuckled, "You'll never stay clean. And you know what kind of father those things make a person. Are you really saying you would put Aaron through that, through what I put you through?" Jack swallowed hard, realizing he hadn't been thinking of Aaron, too consumed by what he felt for Kate, to busy being selfish to think aobut the boy who didnt' have a say in what sort of environment he would be raised in. "You would put Kate through it?" he asked for emphasis, and Jack turned away, hating it but knowing that his father was right.

Jack walked away as his father went silent, apparently satisfied that his point had been made. Running a hand through his hair, Jack stumbled back to the couch, and Kate held him gently again, supporting him. He stiffened as if her touch burned, ashamed.

"What did he say Jack?" she questioned concerned. He didn't answer immediately; instead he just closed his eyes, listening to the sound of her breathing, being selfish one last time.

"We can't do this Kate," he finally said, pulling away from her.

"What?" Kate said frowning, irritated by how easily he seemed to be moving between being ready to make love to her and shutting her out.

"Think about it," he said his throat dry, "I'm crazy Kate. And you, you know what kind of hell I'm in." he sighed running a hand through his hair, "But you have a son to worry about Kate. What happens if I relapse huh? What if he sees? If you have to explain why I leave again? Can you handle that? Can he? We both know the kind of father an alcoholic is Kate. I won't do that to him. He's better off with me gone and we both know it," he finished, his jaw clenched as he shook his head, his mind made up.

"Jack that's not going to happen," she argued careful of what she said not wanting to scare him, "You are a good man," she grabbed the sides of his face, her hands trembling as tears spilled down her face, "Such a good man," she said again, her voice firm despite her chin wobbling to stop the tears. "You threw out the pills so that I could have two minutes alone with Aaron. I know you, and I know you can do this. We can get through this-together. I trust you. I have faith in you…in us," she pleaded, forcing him to keep eye contact, wanting him to see the complete trust and faith she really did have in him.

He smiled at her sadly, and she felt her heart shatter; it hadn't been enough. "Kate," he swallowed, his eyes going wide, "I trust you too. I just don't trust me." She started to protest, but his eyes widen as he grabbed her arm continuing, "No listen," his voice cracked, "Every second I want those pills; _every _second of every single day. Because when I'm on them, and I see all of our dead friends sitting around the coffee table, blood pouring from their wounds, playing the "Crap Hole Island' edition of Monopoly, I don't worry about how I should be freaked out that I'm seeing dead people. I can just watch them," his eyes teared up, "and laugh at how happy they all seem," swallowing hard, "and my father…he stays quiet. He just sits and stares, but I don't have to hear him," he finished shakily.

She stayed silent a long moment, trying to regain her composure enough to speak, knowing that if she tried as she was it would come out as a sob. "So that's it? We just…what? Pretend that there's nothing between us?" she said unable to hide the hurt in her voice.

He swallowed hard unable to look her in the eye, "I can't …I can't be selfish with you Kate. The second they let us, we're getting your son away from Ben, and then you and your son are going right back to your life. And I'm not a part of that. I can't be a part of that," he swallowed hard," You both deserve better."

She trembled, swallowing back her fury, "Maybe we deserve better Jack, but you're the one Aaron and I both want," she said in a low voice, walking to the door, "Your so stupid and stubborn sometimes Jack," she whispered, unable to fully contain her anger as her voice shook slightly, slamming the door behind her.

Jack sank to the couch, defeated; trying desperately to convince himself he had done the right thing.

"Oh Eko, you landed in the Polar bear den again, you lose your next turn," Charlie's voice came from the bed, followed by the sound of familiar laughter and the role of a dice, and Jack let out an anguished sob.

* * *

_...okay...so anyways, its the weekend which usually means reviews are up, so hypothetically you can get the next chapter to this, which includes **Jate FLASHBACKS** (yay!) Saturday, or heck if your real awsome and give me 8 reviews in the next...roughly ...7 hours I might even post it tonight._

_I hope the revelation wasn't to lame, hopefully, since you got the Jack/Wayne parallel, you also got, from Diane's comment about Jacks problems, that Kate, like her mom also loves Jack unconditionally, like Diane did Wayne. Obviously Jack's a better person, but thats the reason I had Kate take the news so well...having read it over to myself 50 times it finally struck me as possibley a little OOC. Hopefully not to much, given that I really pride myself on my characterization of them, which is something reviewers have mentioned, so I hope it was okay..._

_oh...also, if you didn't get that last line b/c my brain works in random ways, they were playing the Crap hole island monoply at the end._

_So chapter 8: Jate Flashbacks, Locke Returns, and Jack takes a bath...oh, and something else happens that you'll enjoy evil secretive smile_

_Thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoyed it_


	8. The Past

_Thanks for the reviews guys. Here's the next chap.!_

* * *

Kate heard Jack's cry and winced, too hurt and emotionally exhausted to go back in. She unlocked the door to the car and slammed it behind her, turning the rear view mirror away, unable to look at the dried blood from his gunshot wound that still coated the seats. She shivered and trembled, cursing finally when she couldn't hold it in anymore, and she pounded her fist down angrily on the steering wheel sobbing hysterically until she fell asleep.

She came back into the hotel in the morning, finding him on the couch, cringing at the awkward and painful angle he was sleeping at. She fought the urge to rush over and help him. She had thought long and hard before coming in, and she knew deep down she just resent him for doing what he did best, protecting her, whether the threat was real, or in this case all in his head. She knew him. He wouldn't relapse. But she knew that he had to know that for them to make it work; for him to even trust himself enough to try and make it work. She sighed, unsure of where they were going to go from there.

They were both startled when Kate's cell phone rang. She walked over collecting it off the beside table checking the number. Without turning it on, she flipped to channel eight.

Ben looked momentarily surprised that she had done so, before splitting into one of his slimy smiles, "I'm glad you're finally jumping when your masters tell you to Kate," he said sarcastically and she did her best not to shiver in disgust.

"I'm giving you a week off," he said dully, "Given that you were both injured during the…errand…," he smirked as they both flinched at the mention of their new jobs." In 7 days you'll get further instructions. Enjoy," he said dully signing off before Kate could ask about Aaron.

Jack watched her, unmoving from his position on the couch, and Kate knew he was waiting for her cue. What she wanted him to do. He wanted to know how pissed off she was after last night.

She sighed, "I get it Jack. Let's just forget about last night," she added dejectedly.

Jack nodded, suddenly unable to look at her. Hearing Boones rasping, Jack suppressed a shiver, wishing he could make it go away. "I'm gonna take a shower," he muttered, hoping to drown out the phantoms. He got to his feet, still unsteady from his injury. He saw Kate watching him concerned, "I'm okay," he assured weakly, slowly making his way to the bathroom.

She ran a hand through her matted hair, realizing she probably needed a shower too. She sighed, knowing she couldn't take an uninterrupted week of this sort of tension between them. They were going to have to find a whole new way to be around each other. It had been so much easier when he was a junkie, when the reason they weren't together was something she could touch and see. Now Jack's demons and whatever invisible force had caused their presence after all these years was keeping them apart, even though they had both clearly wanted what had been about to happen the night before. It had been easier when he had been a junkie, easier to pretend the real Jack, her real, noble, good Jack wasn't still in there, but now he was back to his old good ways. She didn't know if she could handle being that close to her Jack, who had finally come back to her. On the island it would have been easy, but now, after everything they had shared, she didn't think she would be able to keep up her guard and keep pretending she didn't care that way. She had let her walls down, had let him in completely, and she knew that now after all of this, there was no way she could push him out and rebuild those defenses. It was too late, she still loved him more then anything, and she hated him for that too. She had told him everything, every last gritty detail of her past and he had been okay, he had loved her because and in spite of it at the same time, but it still killed her that he wouldn't let her in so she could do the same for him.

**Roughly 3 years earlier:**

_Their return had been hailed as a miracle. They had become international household names over night, their faces on the covers of every newspaper, magazine, and website in the world. All of them had agreed not to give interviews though, which had of course ticked off the press. They had done their best to scrounge up dirt on the survivors as a result, for "human interest" pieces._

_Hurley's bio had come out first; a piece about a minimum wage earner who had spent years institutionalized before winning the lottery which had only made his luck even worse. They had read the article together in the private pent house lobby at the hotel Oceanic was paying for during their court settlement with the company. Next had been Sun's, the tragic love story of a rich princess who fell in love with a local fisherman; the press had turned it into a story of forbidden and tragic love. Sun had stayed in her room and cried, throwing a plate from the kitchen at Jack's head when he had tried to go in and comfort her. Sayids had come out the next week. It had discovered he had been part of the Republican guard, though beyond that his career was dubbed "classified" by the press; it had been a short piece. Then the six of them had gotten wind of the next piece they were running, side by side stories of Jack and Kate, who the public had instantly dubbed the next Brangelina-Jate- after seeing a picture of him helping her with baby Aaron outside the court house of the settlement trial. Rumors were also swirling that she was going to be officially charged for her crimes soon (what those crimes were exactly, was still unknown to the general public)._

_Kate had knocked on Jack's door after pacing outside it for nearly an hour. Sun was watching Aaron, she said it was soothing to her. He had opened the door shirtless and wet, having just taken a shower. She had felt her face go beat red as she watched his chest rise and fall, tiny water droplets trickling down his abs. He had frowned, checking the clock in the kitchen before looking back at her, "Hey," he had said amused and curious by her disheveled appearance, as she fidgeted nervously._

_"I know its late," she said her voice shaky, whether in fear or anticipation she wasn't sure," but I want to tell you what I did," she said, looking up at him with her big round vulnerable eyes, and Jack was too startled to do anything other then open the door silently to let her in. She saw him put a white shirt on, similar to the one she had met him in, and he followed her silently, watching her, until she sat down at the kitchen table. As he came around to sit on the other side, she couldn't help but glance over at his unmade bed, suddenly regretting not just kissing him when he had opened the door, and making him make love to her, if only for one night. The notion fled as quickly as it had come, as the realization hit her that it would be too painful to have had him, only for him to reject her later, once she would be able to know exactly what she would be missing for the rest of her life. She had to do this, she realized as he sat staring at her quietly, watching her every movement._

_And with one last big sigh, she told him. Everything; Wayne, Tom, Kevin, and everything else that could possibly emerge in that story, or in the court room. He had stayed silent, just watching her while she talked, for which she was grateful. He had reached out to take her hand when he had heard the pain in her voice as she talked about Tom's death, but she had pulled back, shaking her head, knowing that if he talked or tried to hold her while she explained it all she would lose her nerve and melt into a incoherent pile of tears._

_When she was done, he pulled his hand back from across the table, he had left it there incase she had reached for him needing support, and ran it through his hair. He leaned back in his chair and let out a long breath before looking back at her again. Her knees were curled up to her chest defensively as she sat in the chair watching his reaction, tears still in her eyes._

_He looked away towards the window, looking at the beautiful scene of the city below them. "That's everything?" he asked finally, his mind still racing._

_"Yeah," she said quietly, almost sounding defeated. She knew he would reject her, that he wouldn't understand, and that there was no reason anyone would ever be able to understand what she had done. She stood to leave, but suddenly there was a hand placed on her hip. Looking over, she saw that he had jumped from his seat and had his hands set firmly on her hips, looking at her curiously._

_"Where are you...?" he asked confused._

_"It's okay Jack, I get it," she said meekly, despite her best effort, tears streamed down her cheeks as she broke his grip and made a run for the door, over whelmed by the finality of it; she would never have him. He didn't let her go, and had run after her, and just before she got to the handle, he grabbed her wrist, pulling her to a stop. She turned and tried to hit him, but it came out feeble and despite herself she sagged against his chest sobbing. "I'm so sorry," she whispered over and over. Jack frowned rubbing her back, not understanding at first what had happened to her. When it finally hit him he pulled her back from him almost violently._

_"You thought I hated you for what you did?" he asked, sounding hurt. Her confused look was enough of a yes. He sighed bringing his forehead down to rest on hers, his hands holding her arms tightly, afraid she would run again. She had to close her eyes, his breath on her face still making her feel weak as she sniffled trying to stop crying. "Kate, I just needed a minute," he said, and she felt her knees going weak, her body still reacting to his hot breath on her face, despite the fact that her heart and mind knew it was over, "Kate, it doesn't bother me, and… that, that bothered me." He said, trying to explain, and she opened her eyes, daring to look back at his, now extremely confused. He swallowed before continuing, "I thought it might Kate. That when you told me what you did, it would change things between us, and I was worried about that I'll admit…" he trailed off, trying to figure out what to say next, and Kate frowned, trying not to get her hopes up despite the fact that her heart was pounding loudly in her ears, "But it doesn't Kate. None of what you said even for a second made me regret what I felt for you, what I still feel for you. And I don't know, that none of what you said bothered me, at all, that surprised me, and I needed a minute-to get over that though, not what you said," he explained clumsily with a nervous laugh. She felt tears enter her eyes, as she sorted through his muddled confession. She just stared at him for a long moment, drinking in his rich brown puppy dog eyes as he held her tightly, "I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner…instead of letting you assume the worst," he whispered guiltily._

_"I love you," she blurted suddenly. He pulled back slightly, looking suddenly apprehensive._

_He swallowed hard, containing his emotions, knowing she was upset and vulnerable, "Kate…"_

_"I love you," she said again, looking him straight in the eye, her voice stronger, clearer, and more determined then before. And he couldn't ignore it a second time, looking away as tears of happiness clouded his vision._

_She saw him swallow hard, before he turned back to her, his eyes glistening slightly, and he moved his hands to either side of her face, resting his forehead on hers again, savoring her closeness for a moment before he pushed his lips to hers tenderly. She responded instantly, getting on her tip toes to lock her arms around his neck tightly, pouring all the love she could into that kiss, trying to show him how much he meant to her in that one kiss, knowing that she could kiss him forever without breathing and still not have shown him fully. She pushed herself against him, wanting to be touching every inch of him, not wanting to waist another second away from him. He lifted her into his arms, holding her tenderly as he responded to her kiss with equal passion. He set her down at the foot of the bed as they both pulled away needing air. He tucked a stray strand of hair out of her face, again locking eyes with her as he smiled at her happily, his eyes seeming to see straight into her soul._

_"You are the most stubborn, brave, ….sexy," he added smiling slightly, "Passionate, and good woman I have ever known Katherine Austin, and I love you more then anything," he whispered as he held her face in his hands, wiping away a stray tear of happiness at his declaration that was making its way down her cheek. When their mouths met again as they fell into bed, even more passionately then before, tears mixed with their kisses, whether hers or his, she didn't know. All she knew was that this was what she wanted for the rest of her life._

_When she woke up in the morning, he was staring down at her, his chest on hers, supporting himself on his elbows to keep from squishing her under his weight._

_"Morning," he whispered with a small smile._

_She smiled back, giving him a sloppy kiss before asking, "Do you always sleep on top of the people you love," a small teasing grin growing on her face._

_"I tried to move a few hours ago and you hit me," he whispered sounding slightly amused. She blushed, but groaned pulling him back onto her as he tried again to move, and he laughed again. She leaned up and lay kisses along his jaw line, eliciting a low moan from him._

_"Again?" he murmured against her skin, kissing her chin._

_"You up to it?" she whispered, pushing him up so she was sitting on his lap, "How many times did we do this last night?"_

_"Lost count," he muttered against her lips as he went to kiss her, and he was, as she could tell, more then up for another go._

_"Me to," she whispered as their lips met hungrily._

Jack sighed as he stumbled towards the shower, wincing with every step, as it seemed to send a shooting pain up to his shoulder. He felt dizzy, but he needed to get away, get out of the room, away from her. He hated being so close to her and having to pretend he didn't care again, having to hide it again. It felt just like when they had been on the damn island. He turned the faucet, getting the water hot, as he waited. He stepped into the tub to take a shower, and his mind wondered.

**6 months ago:**

_It had been 2 months since he had walked out, two months since he had started to see dead people. Popping more pills, he had made his move on the monopoly board, waiting for Charlie to make his. He heard a hard knock on the door and had stumbled to his feet, using the wall for support as he made his way over, almost too stoned and drunk to walk._

_"Yes! I just got the Pearl! I have all the Dharma stations," he heard Charlie shout, arms raised over his head victoriously, "And you just landed on them so pay up!" he said, sticking his hand out to an annoyed Claire who begrudgingly shelved out the money, sending him an icy glare the whole time. Jack had come to learn that like him, she hated to lose._

_Jack ran a hand over his jaw, realizing that he had more then just a lot of scruff on his chin for the first time; it would be a beard soon._

_He opened the door and was too stoned to act surprised as he saw Locke standing there staring back to him, that obnoxious knowing smile on his face._

_"Hello Jack," the bald man said in his slightly mystic voice, "Long time no see."_

_"What are you doing here John?" Jack asked, not bothering to open the door._

_"I came to talk to you about going back to the island Jack," he said calmly._

_Jack laughed, rubbing a tired hand over his face, "Going back?" he asked amused, "And why the hell would I want to do that John?" he asked, his old anger at the man resurfacing._

_"Well if you don't Jack," Locke said in his usual condescending whisper that made Jack want to strangle him, "You're going to have two new friends to play monopoly with," he said, gesturing past Jack to the game on his coffee table. Jack's face went pale, and he stepped out, slamming the door behind him._

_"How the hell do you know about that?" he said, his voice a deadly whisper and Locke had taken an involuntary step back._

_"Jack," Locke had said putting up his hands in an attempt to clam the drunken man in front of him, but it hadn't worked._

_"How the hell do you know!" he screamed, slamming Locke into the wall and lifting the heavy man off his feet._

_"Jack," Locke said again, having trouble breathing as Jack put more pressure on his throat. Jack didn't ease up, egged on by Charlie and Shannon both whom were cheering wildly behind him. "Kate and Aaron aren't safe Jack," he wheezed, and Jack dropped him quickly._

_Jack ran a hand through his hair as Locke regained his breathe. "What the hell are you talking about?" he said still angry, but at least willing to listen now that Kate and Aarons names had been brought up, just like his… boss… had told Locke he would._

_"I can't tell you more then that Jack, because frankly, I don't know much more, all I do know is that you were not meant to leave," Locke said calmly._

_Jack laughed, "Not meant to leave," he muttered under his breath amused. "You can leave now John," he said, trying to keep his anger at the man in check._

_"Fine Jack," Locke had said sounding disappointed as he left, pausing at the stair well, "Just think about what your saying though. Can you really stand seeing Kate and Aaron's dead faces every where you go?" he asked as Jack turned away from him to go back in. He smiled as he saw Jack stiffen at the idea, knowing he had him. "I know you don't want that Jack….just think about what I said. I'll be in touch," he said, leaving._

_Jack waited till he heard him leave before letting out a ragged breath. He couldn't let them get hurt. He wasn't suppose to raise Aaron, but he loved the boy, and Kate…he couldn't deal with it. Coming back in, he saw his phantom friends had resumed their game of monopoly, and he felt his chest constrict as he imagined seeing Kate and Aaron among those playing; laughing happily, oblivious to his pain, oblivious to the fact that they themselves were dead; while he would know everyday that they weren't real, and that he could have prevented it. He almost doubled over, the thought was physically painful to him, and he grabbed the phone, even in his stupor able to dial the number by memory._

_"Hello?" she had answered sleepily._

_"Kate," he breathed out, slurring._

_Her voice was more alert now, and he could hear her shifting to sit up in bed, "Jack, what's going on?" she said, her voice tight, trying to hide the emotion there._

_"We have to go back," he whispered, "We have to go back Kate," he said again._

_"What the hell are you talking about Jack," she said sounding angry, like she knew what he meant, but didn't want to believe he was actually saying it._

_"The island Kate, we have too—"and the line went dead. He screamed angrily, throwing the phone across his apartment with a loud thump, before popping more pills. And he sank to the floor, too drunk to call again._

Suddenly the water hit Jacks shoulder, and it seemed to burn through the bullet hole and he winced, his legs giving out in pain as he pitched forward. He saw the wall coming, this is gonna hurt, he realized as he hit it, hearing a faint crack.

Kate bolted off the bed after hearing a loud thud from the bathroom. She cursed as she opened the door, seeing Jack passed out, a cut forming on his head. She turned off the water as she sank down besides him, checking the cut and holding his head to her chest.

"Jack!" she said, slapping his cheek lightly, trying to revive him. He groaned against her, and shifted in her arms slightly coming too.

"What happened?" he whispered.

"You passed out, god I shouldn't have let you try this on your own, your still to weak from the blood lose," she said, scolding herself.

"No, its fine," Jack said, wanting her to leave as they both realize he was completely naked. She looked down, blushing slightly and he looked away.

"I can do this myself Kate," he said angrily, and Kate smirked slightly, knowing the idea of her bathing him, while it had been romantic when they had showered together all those months ago, took on a new meaning for him now that he was incapable of doing it himself. She rolled her eyes exasperated; it was always a male pride thing.

"I've seen it all before Jack," she reminded him slightly amused as he shot her an icy glare.

"I can do this myself," He repeated angrily, trying to stand up.

Kate gently pushed him back down, an eye browed raised knowingly as she reached into the cabinet for a sponge.

"If it had been me sitting there, you would be doing the same exact thing Jack," she reminded him. He set his jaw angrily, his nostrils flaring as he sent her a death glare, knowing she was right, and hating it. Letting out an angry sigh, he resigned himself to his fate, letting her clean him and wash his hair. His angry expression didn't change, but after a few minutes he managed to look at her, and started watching her silently as she worked on his hair, her face furrowed in concern and concentration.

She helped him out of the tub and he put a towel around himself. "I can dry myself Kate," he said still bristly. She stepped back, irritated with his attitude. He saw her face and looked away, "But …thank you," he added, his teeth still gritted in embarrassment. Her expression softened and she hugged him tightly, being careful of his injuries as she buried her face into his good shoulder, listening to his heartbeat.

"I'm so glad it wasn't this shoulder Jack," she said, kissing his left breast softly where his heart was. "I've almost lost you too many times," she said looking up at him, and he knew she was referring to everything they had been through, from Sawyer, Juliet, his appendix, to her trial and when he had left her.

"I'm glad to," he whispered back gently. Her lip trembled and she looked away, running a hand over her face with a sniffle to stop the tears. Glancing back up she whispered something that sounded like 'screw it' before pressing her lips to his.

He used every ounce of self control he had to peel her off of him. "Kate," he said gently, his face falling. "We can't" he said, almost pleading for her to understand.

She wouldn't let him leave her arms, hugging him tighter to her, "We've almost lost each other so many times Jack, we've wasted so much time," she searched his eyes, knowing he agreed, "I can't wait, I can't let more time get away from us. That gun shot is as close as it's ever gotten to really ending between us, if I hadn't gotten that wound sewn up so quick…." She swallowed hard, not wanting to think about it.

Jack felt his control slipping, god he wanted her. He loved her, but he knew he couldn't be what she needed, not for Aaron, not in the long run.

"Kate…" he whispered gently, "If we do this…it's not going to last…I can't be Aaron's father. I just…I can't," he said brokenly, "I wish it were different but it's not…We do this, its just going to end with us both heart broken when we get Aaron back, cause I'm gonna have to walk away again," pleading for her to understand, wanting her to walk away. He couldn't be the strong one, he wasn't the strong one.

She smiled softly, pushing her lips to his, and he snapped, pulling her closer to him.

"We can worry about that later," she whispered against his lips, cupping his face in her hands, almost pulling him by the face out of the bathroom and into bed, lips still connected as she pulled him down on top of her.

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_OK. Thats that. Hm...All I'm going to say is that you guys haven't been angry at me yet, for crap like that giant drunk fight in chap. 3, or Jack shutting out Kate last chap._

_I'm pretty sure I'll get you all next chapter lol_

_8 reviews away!_


	9. The Bridge

_Ah, I'm too good to you guys lol, 2 updates in less then 12 hours. Lol, actually, I'm not good to you guys, sicne this chap. is pretty darn jangsty...like...severly. _

_Disclaimer- If you find yourself thinking "Gee, My life seems exactly like Jacks" GET HELP um...yeah...Don't act like Jack does in this chapter pretty please!_

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Jack woke up with a searing headache. Glancing at the clock, he saw it was 3 in the morning. He hissed in pain, untangling Kate, who was wrapped protectively around his body, he set her down, replacing a pillow into her arms, which she hugged close, murmuring his name. He smiled, looking at her soft innocent face before another wave of pain hit him. He went to the sink, cursing he realized he couldn't take Advil. He was still fighting his way through withdrawal, if he put something in his system…he didn't want to think about what might happen, but it would probably set him back and glancing back at Kate, he knew he couldn't have that. They were on borrowed time together as it was. He hissed as the pain got worse, refusing to take the pills. He sat down next to Kate, burying his face in her neck, trying to focus on something other then the pain. Kate smiled softly, still asleep, and muttered his name, wrapping her arms tightly around his head, pulling him closer. He tried to drift off to sleep; the pain seemed to be easing into a dull throb as opposed to stabs. He smiled against Kate's skin, breathing her in.

"Daddy?" he heard a small familiar voice ask. He froze, before slowly turning over to see Aaron staring at him, dressed in his favorite Batman shirt, and holding his action figure.

Jack's breathing stopped, and panicking; he shook Kate fiercely, waking her. "Jack what...?" till she saw his face, which even in the dark looked extremely pale. "Hey, you okay," she asked concerned.

She was staring right through him, Jack realized. Which meant she couldn't see him. She couldn't see Aaron, who was still standing right there, smiling brightly up at him, only now he was holding his Alice in Wonderland book too. And the only people Jack saw that Kate didn't were dead ones. He felt his throat constrict violently, suddenly unable to breathe.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked again still half asleep, shaking him slightly as she pulled herself from his side up to sit in front of him, breaking his eye contact with Aaron. He let out his breath slowly, before making eye contact with her. Her bright green eyes sparkled, even in the dark of night, and he offered her a weak smile. There was no reason for him to tell her, no reason to upset her.

"Nothing," he said quietly, forcing his voice to come out normally, offering her a small smile. She frowned not quite believing him. He kissed her gently, cupping her face, "Go to sleep, I'm sorry I woke you," he said gently, moving to lay her down. She gave him a small sleepy smile, too tired to really see or comprehend how freaked out he was; he had perfected the art of faking sanity over the last few months. "I'm gonna go get some water," he whispered and she nodded drowsily, burying her head in a pillow, a soft content smile on her face. He shifted out of bed gently, refusing to look at the spot where Aaron had been, shielding his eyes till he got into the bathroom. He splashed the water on his face, over and over, raking his hands through his hair.

There was no way Aaron was dead. That was the only hold Ben had over them, without Aaron, there was no way either of them would continue what they were doing. Jack swallowed hard, remembering the warning Locke had given him all those months ago, and he felt his throat constrict painfully. He couldn't watch Aarons ghost, or whatever it was playing monopoly and sitting there with a dead Claire and Charlie or the mangled Boone. He shivered, almost convulsing as he tried to come to grips with Aaron's death. He sank to the floor trembling. He couldn't be dead Jack thought to himself, but a tiny voice kept reminding him that he only ever saw dead people. He couldn't stop the tears as he realized he had failed his nephew, had failed Kate, he realized , the thought causing new waves of pain to over come him. He sat there shivering and trembling, too stunned to cry; he tried to return his breathing to normal, but it was hard. Every breath he took felt like large pieces of glass were lodged in his lungs, each breath painful and labored. The pain was so intense and real, Jack stumbled to his feet, clambering madly for the medicine cabinet, where the Advil was, taking a fistful of the pills and shoving them in his mouth. He splashed more water on his face, disgusted at himself, before he went back out to the bedroom, knowing he couldn't rejoin Kate's sleeping form in bed. She deserved better, she deserved more then he could give.

"Daddy?" he heard, freezing again, his head turning of its own accord, him wishing madly it would stop. He didn't want to see the little boy sitting there, dead but still living through his lost sanity. He felt his jaw tighten at what he saw. Aaron was sitting happily on his fathers' lap, scotch glass in one hand, an opened copy of Alice in Wonderland in the other, as he bounced the small boy on his leg. His father smirked up at him.

"You're all that's left Jack," his dad said simply, before turning his attention back to the book. "I wonder if I've been changed in the night," he read his voice steady and calm, just like Jack remembered from the rare nights his father had been home early and sober enough to put him to bed, "Let me think, was I the same when I got up this morning?" Christian glanced up throwing a knowing and challenging smirk at his horrified son, "But if I'm not the same, the next question is, who in the world am I," he was no longer looking at the book, reciting the lines from memory, Christians dead eyes unblinking as they stared back at Jack. Christian sat the boy on the couch and stood, walking over to Jack. "Are you the same Jack?" his father asked, obviously amused at his sons fear and horror at the scene he had just seen.

Jack swallowed hard, sending a pained glance at a sleeping Kate behind him. "You're not real," he hissed, but it sounded more like a question then a statement. "Your not here," he replied, his resolve getting weaker as over his fathers shoulder he saw Aaron playing with his batman figure on the couch. He wished the pills would kick in. Looking back to his father for answers, he was met with nothing but stony silence. He flinched as he suddenly heard a shriek of laughter, and glanced back at the couch to see Claire mercilessly tickling Aaron. He stared at the two of them for a long moment, suppressing a scream; at this point too disturb to even fully comprehend if he was furious, petrified, both or somewhere in between.

"Who in the world are you Jack?" his father asked suddenly, snapping him from his thoughts. He felt his chest constrict and suddenly he couldn't breathe as he stared at his dead family. His jaw clenched as he looked at his father furiously. "Get out of my head," he said, his voice cracking in fear.

"Who in the world are you Jack?" he heard Claire's thick Australian accent ask from the couch, and he froze. She had always been on his side, what the hell was happening. "How could you let this happen to Aaron?" she said, her voice icy as she glared at him, holding Aaron protectively. Suddenly Aaron vanished from her arms, and he shivered, finally feeling the pills take effect.

"Daddy?" his innocent voice called, and Jack spun around, seeing the boy standing in the door way. "Follow me daddy," he called, running out the door.

"No Aaron! Don't play in the street!" he said, running out and slamming the door behind him. The boy was across the street by the time Jack was in the parking lot of the motel.

"Daddy!" he called again, waving at him. A truck zoomed in front of him, and he vanished again. Jack ran across the street, oblivious until a car honked angrily at him, missing him by inches. He saw Aaron running down the street, laughing. He followed running at full speed and yet somehow unable to catch up to his three year old son.

"Aaron!" he screamed again, fearful as Aaron seemed to be hit by car after car as he ran through the street, emerging from each seeming crash without a scratch. He stopped when he got to a side walk by a bridge. Aaron stopped, standing on his tip toes to look down at the water a good 70 feet below them. Claire was suddenly holding the boy, letting his feet swing freely over the side of the bridge as Aaron giggled happily. "Claire, get him away from there!" he screamed panicked. And suddenly Aaron was falling, and Claire had jumped in after him, and he ran to the edge horrified. "Aaron!" he screamed, gripping the side railing, his knuckles white as he waited to see a body emerge from the water.

"Go after them Jack," his father said, suddenly at his side. Jack stared at him horrified for a second, before using his good arm to pull himself up onto the railing. He looked down at the raging water below….

Kate woke with a start as she heard the door to their motel slam. "Aaron!" she heard Jack yell loudly as he ran out of the room, and Kate froze, momentarily panicked, before she scrambled into cloths, pulling on his button up shirt , buttoning it as she ran out of the motel barefoot, following Jack down the street. She cursed as she ran behind him, without shoes unable to keep up. She watched as he erratically ran forward before making a sharp turn down the street, the whole time yelling for Aaron like a mad man. She watched as he approached the bridge, and yelled suddenly at Claire, before running over to the side of the bridge. Her eyes widened in horror as he started to pull himself onto the ledge, breaking out into a fuller and faster run then she had even known she was capable of, her heart pounding in her ears as adrenaline again coursed through her. Cursing slightly she didn't break her stride as she felt something rip open the bottom of her foot, blood suddenly trailing behind her.

"Jack!" she yelled as she stopped, within arms reach of his legs. He stared at the water a moment, as if not comprehending her presence, before looking at her sadly, tears in his eyes.

He looked at her defeated, glancing between her and the water before saying by way of explanation, "I have to go after them," his voice cracking.

"No! Jack no one is there," she said deliberately, trying to talk him down, taking a shaky step towards him.

He shook his head, "No Kate, Aaron and Claire they just…they just went over the edge…" he trailed off, looking back to the water. "I have to save them," he said again, his voice pleading, and Kate froze, seeing the dullness of his eyes and realizing he was stoned. He couldn't tell that the ghost, or whatever the hell it was he saw, weren't real when he was like this, that's why he'd taken the pills to begin with he had told her. She swallowed hard, trying to reason with him again.

"No one is there Jack, its all in your head," she plead back, tears streaming down her face now.

"Jack, stop wasting time," his father's voice scolded.

"Shut up dad," he whispered angrily, suddenly oblivious to Kate's presence on his other side.

Kate let out a mangled breath as she heard him say that, realizing he couldn't be talked down rationally. She took a deep breath and, ignoring the suddenly searing pain in her foot, jumped up onto the railing next to him, finally recapturing Jack's attention.

"Get down Kate," he commanded sounding angry as she joined him.

Her voice trembled with fear and anger, "No. If you jump we both do Jack," she spat, unable to contain her anger as he stood there, seconds away from taking himself away from her, away from Aaron; abandoning them again, this time for good.

"You're not supposed to do this," he said, turning to her almost pleading, turning back to the water below them.

"I'll do it Jack," she threatened, raising one foot theatrically, as if about to take a step off.

Jack cringed, and nodded slowly in defeat. He had failed her, he had lost Aaron, but he couldn't let her be added to the list of his phantoms too, especially not like this. "Okay," he said nodding quietly, moving to get down. Kate watched him there, foot poised to jump, glad he'd believed her. Once he was finally down, she turned to move down besides him, but her foot flashed violently with pain, and the blood from the cut caused her to slip as she pivoted around, and felt her stomach fly into her throat as she started to free fall.

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_give me reviews...and maybe Kate won't end up in a coma (okay thats a mean threat-I will tell you THATS not what happens) but till I get reviews you won't get anymore then that from me._

_Additional disclaimer- entering into a suicide pact like thing like Kate did is stupid and doesn't work int he real world, so don't do that if someone you know is threatening to kill themselves. It won't work. So yeah...don't emulate my fiction cause life would totally suck for you if you did._

_8 reviews and you find out what happened to Kate, and a person from the island reappears-with some unexpected news about our favorite Southerner_


	10. The Blonde

_Wow guys, I expected people to review that chap. but I woke up with like, 10 new reviews So thanks very much. Heres the next chap. b/c i'm pretty sure BlueDream1 will murder me if I don't put it up lol_

_oh and apparently I lied-talk about the Southerner happens next chapter-I get so muddled up sometimes having wrote it all already lol_

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The feeling of freefall was over before a scream had time to leave her throat. Instead one was ripped violently from Jack's, as he had instinctively reached down, grabbing her wrist with his right arm. His screamed in pain as he felt the stitches pop, and blood started to leak down his bare back. Trails of it trickled around his side, and as he stood there bent over the railing, trying to compose himself, it spilled onto her face. He stood holding her by one arm as she dangled there, his jaw clenched tightly from the pain, both of their hearts pounding loudly in their ears. He felt her slipping from his grasp, and he reached his good arm down, as soon as she had a good grasp of it, he let go of her with his bad. He pulled her up with his good arm as adrenaline coursed through him, snaking his bad arm around her waist when her shoulder was level with the bridge rail, and he slid her over the rail. She wrapped an arm around his bare back shaken, getting more blood onto her hands.

They collapsed to the ground, her trembling in his arms as he panted, exhausted emotionally and physically. He was suddenly over whelm with the realization that he had almost lost her, and all other thoughts, including why it had almost happened, left his mind as he staggered to his feet, angry at her for almost making herself a part of his hell like visions of the dead.

"What the hell were you thinking Kate," he whispered angrily. Kate staggered to her feet, eyes wide in shock and anger.

"What the hell was I thinking?" she repeated, unable to form a coherent new sentence, "What the hell were you thinking Jack!" she screamed back, the anger over coming all other emotions as the toll of the adrenaline rush hit her. She shook and trembled violently as the events that had just happened replayed in her mind. "You bastard," she whispered vehemently, "a few hours ago we were making love back there and all of a sudden your ready to jump off a—" she took a step forward angrily, gasping as pain shot through her leg from her foot, and she stumbled forward and he was again forced to catch her, and Kate fleetingly found herself wishing he would have let her fall. He looked down at her foot, his face softening instantly, as he pulled her back up, cradling her bridle style, most of her weight supported on his good arm.

"Come on," he muttered, "Let's get that fixed up," he said, looking away from her angry face as she allowed him to carry her back only because it had hurt so much. Her arms were crossed angrily over her chest, and even though he wouldn't look at her, he could feel her angry and hurt stare on the back of his head.

He walked them back to the hotel, and when he set her down gently on the bed, turning to look for the medical kit, she saw that blood was still seeping from the bullet wound, which had been ripped open again. He came back from the bathroom with the kit and a fresh wash cloth, using it to gently wipe and clean the dirt off her foot around the cut before applying the antiseptic to it. He smiled apologetically before sticking the needle in, sewing it up and wrapping it in gauze. She wanted to cry at his sudden tenderness as he walked back into the bathroom to clean up; as what he had been about to do on that bridge began to really sink in. When he came back out his shoulder was bandaged.

"It doesn't need stitches again?" she asked hollowly.

"No," he replied quietly, keeping his tone as neutral as he could.

He sat on the couch, and they looked at each other for a long moment. She swallowed, needing a minute alone, but terrified to leave him unsupervised. She stood, wincing in pain and made her way towards the bathroom. Jack had stood to help her but she had waved him off. Once in side she closed the door, locking herself in as tears spilled down her cheeks uncontrollably, her entire body wracked with silent sobs. Glancing at the trash can, she saw the empty bottle of Advil she had kept in her purse. Picking it up she cursed silently. She had been taking them because the cut the man at the ship yard had given her with his ringed fist had also given her a killer headache. She had been very careful to not let Jack see her take them and she didn't know how he had known about them. She swallowed hard as she realized with a sinking feeling that she might not be able to fix Jack; that for all the times she had needed him and he had been strong for her, she may not have the strength to get him through this. She felt fresh tears start to pour down her cheeks as she realized, again it seemed, just how completely messed up he was, how truly broken, and how utterly useless she was. She sniffled, composing herself, realizing she shouldn't have left him alone that long; remembering suddenly there was still a gun in the room with him. She opened the door quickly, limping out as quickly as she could, relieved to see that he didn't seemed to have moved from the couch, staring down at a stain on the carpet lost in thought.

She sat on the edge of the bed, both of them unable to meet the others eyes, both feeling they had failed the other. The silence was thick and uncomfortable and it lasted for hours; him playing with a string of fabric on the old worn couch, and her, with her good leg tucked up, her chin resting on her knee, to keep it from trembling, arms fold protectively around her legs.

"You need help Jack," she said, finally breaking the silence, her voice quivering slightly as she said it out loud, finally making it real.

He nodded slowly, his voice cracking as he tried to chuckle, "Yeah, I probably do," he whispered his voice hoarse. He ran a hand over his face quickly, wiping away the tears. "I'm so sorry Kate. I'm so, so sorry," he whispered brokenly, his shoulders heaving as he tried to keep a sob from escaping his throat. She felt her heart shatter again in her chest, and she walked over to him, putting her head on his good shoulder and wrapping her arms around his stomach. She had one leg looped over his lap, and had managed to bury herself in his shoulder, holding him to her.

"I'm sorry too," she whispered into his skin, sounding just as broken, as she held him protectively, wanting to take away a fraction of the pain, if only for a second, to ease his burden, whatever little of it she could; both of his arms clung to her tightly as he pulled her tighter against his bare chest, his face burying into her neck and hair, knowing this would be the last time. That he would have to leave soon, and he shook against her as she held him, her tears running down his chest. He was too drained for tears to come anymore.

They fell asleep like that, brokenly entangled in each others arms, until they were awoken by the sound of Kate's cell phone. She cursed silently, pulling out of his arms and turning on the TV.

"Well that was an eventful night," Ben said, smirking happily. They both stiffened angrily.

Jack was the first to recover, "What the hell happened to Kate's son Ben?" he challenged, not really wanting whatever horrific answer he knew he would receive.

Instead Ben's lip twitched as he suppressed a delighted smirk, "What are you talking about Jack, Aaron's right here," he said stepping aside, revealing Aaron, who was playing obliviously in the back ground. Jack's face paled, relieved for the boy but also confused about why he had suddenly seen his son with his dead family. Ben's lip twitched again, "What's the matter Jack? Seeing things?" he whispered innocently, and in that moment both of them wanted nothing more then to kill him for all of his stupid mind games.

"What the hell do you know about that?" Jack asked angrily, trying to keep his voice steady. He would not be weak, not in front of Benjamin Linus.

Ben lost the battle with himself and a smug, knowing smile spread over his face, and Jack knew he was enjoying every second of this. "All I know Jack, is that it would seem that you need some additional help, since it doesn't seem Kate can keep you under control," he added, satisfied when she flinched as if pained by his words. "You're getting additional help, since at the moment you seem incapable of handling this job yourselves. Your guest shall be arriving soon," he added turning off the screen.

No sooner had he turned off the screen then there was a knock at the door. Jack stiffened momentarily before going to open it. He froze, the door only open partially and Kate couldn't see who was on the other side.

"You going to let me in Jack?" the familiar cool feminine voice challenged somewhat jokingly.

He opened the door wider, and Kate felt her mouth go dry, her suspicion had been correct.

"Juliet?" he croaked hoarsely, turning to look at Kate, "Please tell me you see her too?" he asked her pleadingly.

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Ben turned off the monitor and walked back to the main building, unable to stop the smile, or the slight skip in his step that accompanied his good mood. He may not be running the show at the moment, but he had to admit his job of getting into Jack's head regularly was quite entertaining. He entered a dark office, closing and latching the door behind him, as was protocol.

"Looks like you expected too much from him again," he said, trying to suppress the glee in his voice at seeing Jack so utterly messed up. The son of the bitch had held him hostage while he bled out on an operating table; he felt his dislike was justified. "I told you he couldn't handle it," he added.

The man in the dark sighed, disappointed, "I really thought he was ready…but again, he just didn't have what it took." The scotch glass in the mans hand clinked loudly before he took another sip.

Ben frowned slightly, "So, are we moving onto stage two or not? Jacob is only letting us stay for so long Christian," he reminded the man impatiently.

The man sighed again, "Yes, proceed as scheduled. Fix him; we can't afford another misstep like last night. Any progress Jack doesn't make in the real world will just have to be beaten into him upon his arrival here," the man said contemplatively. "Jack never could win at mind games, we'll probably have to show him for him to believe anyway," he seemed to sense Ben's frown deepen, "I know my son Benjamin, this was always part of the contingency plan if he continued to fail." The man's voice became angry at the unspoken accusation. Ben shrugged silently, enjoying how easily he could get under all the Shephard's skins. "We had to break Jack before we could rebuild him. He wasn't fully broken, and that damn Austen girl was fixing him, sooner then either of us expected. He wasn't ready for that to happen, so we had to push him more, but he's weak. Weaker then even I thought. He couldn't handle it… but now he's finally where we need him. He's almost ready to take over and lead the Others. We just need to push him a little more." The man finished, and Ben could sense the man's smile. They had been friends a long time. The work they had done together had stretched back to before the purge, but even Ben was continually surprised with how far Christian Shephard was willing to push his own son.

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_I apologize for the melodramatic ending, I just wanted them to spit that part out so I could get on with the Jate_

_Next chapter is INSANE...like LOST bad "I can move an island" science bad, so let me tell you inadvance there is an awsomely badass explanation if you stick with me through this. Oh-and it leads to MASSIVE Jate-good or bad I won't tell you _

_next chap: Jealous Kate and an unusual hostage crisis_


	11. The Pacemaker

_Alright-let me just say im EXCEPTIONALLY nervous aobut this chap. I know that what happens in it sounds crazy and most likely out of left field. I swear to you its not, and you just have to trust me and stick with this b/c there is a better explanation in later chapters. So...yeah. Enjoy and thanks for the reviews. oh and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stick with this. I feel like this is the weakest part of the fic. personally, so...hopefully you guys will bear with me till I get to the best part of the fic. imo which is chapters 14-17. I think you'll love that part...and hate me again( evil laugh)_

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Kate stiffened as Jack embraced the woman tightly; despite their entire current situation unable to stop herself from sizing up the competition

Kate stiffened as Jack embraced the woman tightly; despite their entire current situation unable to stop herself from sizing up the competition. Juliet smiled happily as he hugged her, her hair was longer, and she looked tired, there were bags under her eyes, but other then that Juliet looked exactly the same.

"Juliet…how," Jack trailed off, not sure what to ask first.

She smiled, and Kate felt her lip twitch, knowing that like her and Sawyer they shared some connection and Juliet knew what he wanted to ask without him having to say it. No wonder Jack had always disliked Sawyer, standing there and watching their reunion made her feel like ripping her own heart out. She forced down bile as he smiled at her again.

"You know Ben Jack," she said with a small soft smile. "He'll use anyone you're close to to get you to do what he wants," she swallowed back tears. Jack looked at her confused, and she sighed, for the first time shifting her attention to Kate. "It's been three years," she prefaced nervously, "Sawyer and I….well…" she rubbed her head, unable to meet Kate's stunned face, "well…its been three years," she finished dryly. Kate saw Jack stiffen at the mention of the Southerners name, before visibly relaxing when he realized Sawyer seemed to be off the market. "Sawyer's still on the island, and we promised we wouldn't leave each other, "Juliet explained. "Like you, I have….errands that I have to do if I want to get back to the island," she turned back to Jack with a small laugh, "After all we went through to get off the island Jack it's hard to believe we're fighting so hard to get back…" Jack nodded slightly in agreement. "Apparently we're headed to London," she added after a nervous pause.

Jack and Kate looked at each other warily, "We'll go pack," Jack said, not bothering to look back to Juliet as he and Kate went to get their stuff. Kate felt her cheeks grow red as under Juliet's gaze they were forced to pick up the cloths that still littered the floor from the night they had spent together. After what had just happened on the bridge it already seemed like a long time ago.

They were ready to clear out within 20 minutes, and went to the car.

"What the hell happened?" Juliet asked horrified, seeing the blood soaking through the middle row of seats in the car.

"Oh …yeah," Jack scratched his head, "I got shot," he said nonchalantly, offering her shot gun before climbing into the back seat.

The airport was a ways away, and exhausted, Jack felt his head lull back and fell asleep; too exhausted and drained to put up with Charlie's new "Road Trip Album" he wanted everyone to hear. Juliet looked back, and seeing him asleep turned to Kate.

"So you're together now?" she asked with a small but genuine smile, like now that he was out cold it was girl time.

Kate's knuckles stiffened on the wheel. She had never been big on the girl talk, and with someone who had once gone after Jack's affection, it seemed even less appealing, but still, she offered the woman a small smile. "It's …it's really complicated."

Juliet huffed and rolled her eyes, "With you two when is it not?" she asked, sounding more amused then Kate thought she should.

"He tried to jump off a bridge last night Juliet," Kate said, sounding more annoyed then she intended, her voice cracking as she admitted what he had almost done.

Juliet was stunned into silence for a moment, "Oh," she said quietly, looking back at Jack in the back seat as if seeing him for the first time, "Did he…did he say why?" she asked after a long moment.

Kate swallowed, not really wanting to talk about it, "He's been seeing dead people," she said quietly. Juliet only nodded, still too stunned to say much else. Kate brought a hand up, turning as if to look in the side mirror and wiped away tears.

"What about you?" she asked turning back and smiling with a false cheeriness she didn't feel, "You and Sawyer?"

Juliet gave her a small smile. "He's still in love with you Kate," Juliet said softly.

Kate swallowed hard, irrationally irritated now with the Southerner for causing her problems without even being there. "I don't…." she ran a hand over her head, realizing that somewhere along the way that she had picked up Jack's frustrated gesture, "I don't care Juliet. I don't care about him. Not like that. Not like that at all." She said quietly.

"I know," she replied quietly, casting a look back at Jack to make sure he was still asleep. She turned back, staring intently at Kate for a long moment until Kate shifted uncomfortably under her piercing gaze, "I don't know what it is about you Kate…." She gave a low hollow laugh, "but I'm always second." She said quietly.

Kate flinched, "I don't….I'm sorry," she said sincerely, looking Juliet in the eye and offering her a small smile.

"It's not your fault," Juliet said, shifting herself to look out the window. "We thought the people we cared about were dead for over a year. When we saw the freighter explode…" she shivered at the memory, "And we just kind of…fell in together. But then Ben came…and he told us you were both alive and…Sawyer got distant." She laughed. "To be fair I guess I did too. We broke up a while ago…" Kate noticed a tear slide down Juliet's cheek, despite her efforts to hide it, "but we made each other a promise. We weren't going to abandon each other, no matter what," she shrugged, "So here I am," she gave a small genuine chuckle, "Helping the only two people on the planet who probably have a more messed up relationship." Kate smiled at that, also wiping away a tear.

Kate looked at Jack's sleeping form in the rear view mirror, feeling the irrational need to confess to Juliet, to have someone to talk to, because she didn't know what to do anymore. "What am I gonna do Juliet?" she asked, sounding more broken and desperate then she had wanted, "He's so messed up right now and I…I don't know how to help him," she said, fighting tears.

Juliet turned to look at the man sound asleep in the back seat and sighed, "It could just be post traumatic stress disorder….the island was a bit of a hell hole," she added making them both chuckle.

"I…It didn't start till 8 months ago," Kate said, "he dealt with it for over two years and then suddenly he's seeing everyone from the island," she shook her head. "It just doesn't make sense…" she trailed off, having run through everything she could think of a hundred times since he had told her and another thousand since he had tried to jump off the bridge.

"No….it doesn't," Juliet agreed. They lapsed into silence, neither knowing what to say.

When they got to the airport Kate went to the back seat, gently waking Jack. They checked in their bags and went to the security line, removing their shoes and phones. Juliet went through first, followed by Jack.

The machine beeped as he went through, and Jack frowned, checking his pockets.

"Would you step through again sir?" the security guard asked. Jack went through again, and frowned as the machine went off. They pulled out a stick, which they ran over his body, searching for additional metal. It beeped whenever it went over his head.

"Sir, do you have a plate in your head or something?" the man asked exasperated. Jack looked at Kate and then Juliet confused.

"Not that I'm aware of…" he said slowly with a frown.

"I'm afraid we can't let you through," the man said, handing Jack his belongings. Juliet frowned as she rejoined them. Jack stood staring at an equally confused Kate.

"What the hell was that about?" Juliet asked as she rejoined them.

Kate stared up at Jack, who seemed lost in thought, his brow furrowed in confusion and also uncertainty. He swallowed hard, looking down at her, "I think it's time I got an MRI," he said quietly.

**Later: Local Hospital:**

"I told you, I would remember having brain surgery," Jack said, growing angry at the doctor.

Kate squeezed his hand, trying to keep him calm, despite the fact that she wasn't either.

"Well, Mr. Shephard, then none of us will be able to tell you what that chip sitting on your brain is for either," the doctor said, growing impatient, "The only way we will be able to tell you is if we open you up to see for ourselves…." He let it sink in for a moment, "I can have you on the table within the hour," he offered as Jack nodded numbly. He excused himself, leaving the three of them to soak in the new information.

"There's….some…chip in my head," Jack said numbly, getting up to stand next to the patients table. Kate swallowed hard. Jack looked at the X-rays. "Juliet?" he asked calling her over. He whispered something to her, and she paused a moment before nodding, eyes wide.

"Jack? What?" Kate asked, hating that she was excluded from their little pow wow. He turned to her, trembling slightly. His hand shook as he pointed to the picture of the chip.

"This area of the brain Kate," he swallowed his voice unsteady, "It controls your senses. What you see, what you hear," he finished, trailing off letting her draw her own conclusions.

Her eyes widened as she realized what he was saying, looking to Juliet for confirmation. She gave Kate a curt nod, swallowing hard. "So the chip…" she asked quietly.

"I don't know," Jack said, his voice wavering, "I don't know, but I want it out," he said, growing irritated, kicking the steel table angrily.

"Hey," Kate whispered soothingly, coming and holding him from behind, resting her head on his back. She rubbed his neck gently, "It'll be okay Jack," she whispered, wishing she could sound surer of it, like all those times he had told her.

Later:

Juliet watched, growing irritated as Kate paced the waiting room.

"Can you stop that," she snapped, and Kate looked at her momentarily stunned, her face instantly growing angry.

"I'm sorry that I'm worried about the man I love, who's in that room with someone's fist in his head," Kate said scathingly, unable to stop her hand from trembling as she pointed towards the operation rooms.

Juliet sighed, motioning her to sit down. "I'm sorry, it's just hard to think while you're pacing like that," she said rubbing her head.

Kate curled her legs up to her chest nervously, hating the helplessness she felt sitting there. "Thinking about what?" she asked a moment later.

"About what that chip is and where it could have come from…" Juliet said trailing off. "If it was put in his head while he was with us, before Ben's surgery, I didn't know about it…and I was in charge of taking care of Jack back then so…" she sighed irritated, "I don't think it was then."

Kate nodded numbing, only half listening. She didn't care why something had been in his head only that they got it out, so Jack could go back to being Jack.

"And I know for a fact there's nothing like it on the market to mainstream consumers…." Juliet continued, "The only thing even remotely—"Juliet jumped up. "Kate we have to get him out of there!" Juliet said, making a run for the OR.

"Wait what?" Kate asked, running to catch up to Juliet as they burst through the doors, looking for the surgical wing where Jack's surgery was being performed.

Juliet didn't stop running as she explained, "Before Ben sent me out here, I was looking over old Dharma files. There was an experimental chip, for PTS victims, soldiers mainly. It was gently placed on the sensory part of the brain, and when the subject got stressed, "she flung a door open, cursing, it was the wrong wing, and "it released some chemical that helped a person calm down; find their happy place and such. It never made it to the market though. For two reasons, one, it was really expensive, so not a lot of insurance policies wanted to cover it, and two," she finally slowed down, "The chip broke a lot, it caused the chip to have the opposite effect on the patient. Instead, whenever they got stressed, they would hallucinate, but not like calming meadows and finding their happy place, it triggered bad memories, fears, all to be played out. It enhanced their fears, made them more real, harder to deal with. When it broke…or was altered, it ended up having a negative effect. It stopped being calming to the patient. Kind of like what's happening to Jack right now," she said as Kate swallowed hard.

"You think…what?" Kate swallowed, "That Ben somehow put a chip inside Jack's head, and that he knew Jack would see dead people? So that…so that what?" she ran a hand through her hair; she had hoped the craziness would end at the island.

"No, what the person saw that was completely up to them" Juliet rubbed her forehead, trying to figure out the details, "the chip was just a catalyst, it added to any residual guilt or fears Jack had and…and it ended up making him see them."

"When could Ben have done that?" Kate asked, still not able to believe what Juliet was saying.

"It wasn't Ben," Juliet said quietly, and Kate looked at her confused, "They tested the negative effects of the chip on a 5 year old boy 30 years ago. They called him subject J," Juliet said, "It didn't mean anything to me at the time….anyways, the more they amped the stress level, the more hallucinations, nightmares the kid had. Eventually the test was over and the way it ended, it was implied the chip was taken out, but maybe…" she shrugged, "maybe it wasn't, maybe it was just turned off."

"How the hell would Dharma have found Jack?" Kate asked, panicking as they opened another door, not finding him.

"I'm not a magic eight ball Kate," Juliet snapped. Their eyes settled on the last pair of doors at the same time, running, they flung them open, only to be stopped as an orderly hit them both across the gut with the end of a mop. Laying on the ground gasping for air, they saw the orderly pick up a remote, and turn on the TV. Ben's face came on screen, and as they stumbled to their feet, they saw Jack laying on the operating table, out cold, the surgeon working away diligently, and the operation up on the other screens for them to see; Kate couldn't see the chip.

Ben's lips stretched into a small smile, "I'm very impressed Juliet, I didn't know if you would make the connection," he said, unable to hide his amusement.

"What the hell are you doing to him?" Kate asked, trembling.

Ben's smile stretched wider, "We can't have another mishap like last night Kate," he laughed, "Jack isn't very valuable to our cause at the bottom of the ocean. The chip is being removed."

"Removed?" she whispered, watching his expression carefully, "No, you're lying, you let him go," Kate started towards the table, only to be halted by the orderly who restrained her.

Ben laughed again, "I don't think you're in any position to argue Miss Austen," he smiled as Jack's heart rate monitor started to beep, dropping. Kate's face paled and she struggled against the mans grip, "Does this remind you of any thing Kate?" Ben sneered, "Oh yes, this seems to be an exact role reversal of when Jack took me hostage on the operating table," he laughed, enjoying the first taste of his revenge, His face changed suddenly, going back to the same blank and expressionless stare it usually was, "Leave now, go back to the waiting room, and Jack will be returned to you alive and dead people free," he stated threateningly.

"Then why was there a chip in his head to begin with Ben?" Juliet asked calm and rational next to Kate's struggling form. Ben's lip again twitched in amusement.

"You'll just have to wait and see," he said, turning off the TV monitor.

* * *

_I know-that was crazy/ unrealistic. BUT there is a explanation as I said before. And I am going to apologize, as I think this and the next 2 chaps. are the weakest-...mainly b/c i'm bad at writing fluff!_

_Anyways, if that didnt' totally put you off, and even if it did Leave me a review once I get 8 I can get you guys more Jate._

_Its not as big a cop out as it seems, just wait till Jack confronts Ben about this in later chapters, its actually quite badass.- promise._

_next chapter: Fluff (which I'm horrible at so I apologize) and another appearence as Ben continues his mind games._

_8 reviews till chapter 12_


	12. The Ex

_Sometimes I'm just to good to you all lol- I want to get through this patch-I'll hold out longer when I want to make you sweat through the Jangst lol_

_Glad you liked the last chap. I was worried. Even so, I think you'll all be intrigued when you finally hear Ben's take on the chip._

_I figured I should update again, some emotional relief as I'm writing Chapter 22. I think I have two chaps to go, and with 6 hours left before I go to bed, I think I might just finish the entire thing today. I could barely breath as I wrote chap. 22, it was so emotional, so I'm really pushing to get to that chap lol, just so I can see if it comes across as well in print-hopefully its emotional to read and not just because I can see it happening in my head. I think after I get you through this chap. you'll see you're going to be in for a wild ride none stop through to the finale._

* * *

Kate was physically pulled by both the orderly and Juliet back out to the waiting room. Once outside the orderly locked the door and Kate turned her anger towards Juliet, "What the hell was that?" she screamed," You just …walked out, you didn't even fight!"

"Because they said they would hurt Jack if we didn't come back here Kate," Juliet said, her voice taking on its usual reprimanding a small child tone. Kate had forgotten how much Juliet talked down to her, usually with good reason. As Kate digested what had just happened, she realized begrudgingly that this was probably one of those times. Still, she sent another icy glare Juliet's way before resuming her pacing of the waiting room, wanting to do anything other then sit there and wait for Ben's surgeon to finish touching and hurting Jack's head.

Eventually, a seemingly nice nurse came and told them Jack was out of surgery and they could see him. Kate was yelled at multiple times to not run on her way to his room. He was unconscious, a large bandage wrapped around part of his head, and she swallowed, stifling tears as she pulled a chair up next to his bed, holding his hand tightly. Juliet excused herself quickly, but Kate barely noticed.

He woke groggily after an hour. "Hey," he whispered lightly.

She smiled back, wiping away the tears she had been letting fall freely, "Hey yourself," she whispered back. She stared into his half closed eyes, "Just go back to sleep Jack," she whispered, gently running her hand over his head.

"What happened in the surgery?" he asked, sensing her distress. She pulled herself out of the chair and sat on her knees eye level with him, his hand grasped tightly in both of hers.

"Jack…as a kid, did you ever have…really bad dreams?" she asked, knowing how absurd she sounded, wishing she was the crazy one for even having to suggest this.

His brow furrowed in concentration, "Um…not really.." she let out a sigh, "I mean, there was a stretch for like a month and a half where I had this bad reoccurring nightmare but, other then that…no," he said, his voice getting softer as the morphine did it's job, lulling him back towards sleep. Kate was grateful for that, since he missed her face go completely pale.

"Stay with me," he muttered, weakly pulling on her arm, trying to pull her onto the bed. She smiled softly, and climbed up next to him gently. She lay her head down on his left shoulder, listening to his heart beat. She put one arm over his stomach, burying her face into his neck, grateful again that he was just alive so she could listen to his steady heart beat and breathing. Her leg draped over his, and she smiled as his arm wrapped protectively around her waist.

"You hear that?" he whispered.

"Jack, I don't hear anything," she said, instantly worried again about what they had done to him.

He smiled drowsily, "I don't either," he whispered happily, "its quiet." She smiled softly realizing what he meant, but before she could say anything more, he was fast asleep.

Juliet came in a few hours later, Kate, despite being exceptionally comfortable, hadn't gone to sleep, afraid of who might come in and hurt him more if she didn't watch out for him this time. She gently detangled herself from Jack and the bed as Juliet gestured her out of the room.

"Where have you been," Kate asked, worried by the way Juliet's eyes darted all around, watching the entire hospital staff.

"I was getting Jack discharged early, I picked up medical supplies," She explained in a hushed voice.

"Why?"

Juliet rolled her eyes, stunned by how long it took such a street smart convict to put the pieces together, "Do you really think Jack's safe here? You really think he just took the chip out, that Jack's off the hook? He could have had a billion different things done to Jack's head. Who knows who else is working for Ben, what they're pumping through that IV. We can take care of him. I found us a nice hotel, and put the stuff in there. We just need to put Jack in a wheelchair and bring him there."

**Later: Hotel:**

"They did what?" Jack said furiously, shooting up in the bed, hissing instantly at the flash of pain he felt in his head, falling back again dizzy. Kate caught him, and he brushed her off, not seeing her hurt expression as he focused back on Juliet. "Ben was in the surgery room?"

"Technically only on the TV Jack," Juliet said in her normal cool and technical voice.

"And they what? They just…."removed" this," he motioned to his head angrily.

"That's what they said Jack," she said getting exasperated, "You should get some rest," she said exiting the room.

Sending him a wounded look, one he caught this time, Kate went to leave to.

"Kate," he called after her, she didn't look back, "damn it," he swore, staggering out of bed, grabbing the wall for support. She was back at his side in seconds.

"Jack you need to stay in bed," she scolded.

"I know," he breathed the effort of just getting out of bed was enormous, "But I have something to tell you," he said with a small smile.

"You could have just said it," she said, rasing an eyebrow, not sure what he was doing.

He smiled, placing his hand on her hip, "Well it's easier to get you to accept apologies when I'm close enough to do this," he whispered, gently placing his lips over hers. She smiled slightly as his efforts as she looked away.

"That line is never going to get you laid," she whispered back, unable to hide the smile on her lips at his effort. He laughed lightly, instantly regretting it as it caused his head to ache.

"Okay, but you are going to have to help me get back to bed," he said, slightly more serious, a smile still on his lips. As soon as he was situated, he caught her arm, pulling her upper body down over his, her face inches from his, a smile on his face.

"What's gotten into you all of a sudden Jack?" she whispered, smiling back at him.

"Well I'm not crazy…at least not for the moment," he whispered. His smile stretched a little farther, "It kind of put me in a good mood." She laughed, and let him pull her the rest of the way to his lips. He deepened the kiss, pulling her onto the bed all the way. Kate pulled herself away, wishing more then anything that she didn't have to.

He groaned against her lips, and she smiled as she stood up," You've had an eventful enough few weeks Jack, between a gunshot wound and surgery," she said, despite the playfulness of the moment, her concern shown through, "You don't need any more excitement for right now."

He laughed, not letting go of her hand, "You could do all the work," he suggested playfully, pulling her back to the bed and situating her on his lap, his hand finding its way under her shirt. Kate pulled it out, giving him a no nonsense look, and he sighed defeated.

"Will you at least stay with me?" he asked, his eye brows raised, giving her his unintentionally adorable innocent puppy dog eyes. It was her turn to sigh defeated, as she took her normal spot at his side listening to his heart beat. Her hand lay across his stomach, watching his chest rise and fall. His finger lightly traced circles on her arm and then her hip, the silence comforting to both of them.

"I'm so glad you're here," he whispered finally, looking down at her, "I'm so glad I'm here," seeing her confused look he elaborated, "That I'm all here. Finally able to just…be here, with you, listening to your breathing," she smiled, burying her face into his neck so that he couldn't see her cheeks turn pink at his words, "That we can have this silence, and its actually quiet…" Suddenly he stiffened slightly next to her, "And I don't know how long it will last Kate. I don't know what they did to my head in there," he said, his voice cracking. He looked back down at her, and she saw a tear in his eye, "And I want to spend every second that I have that I'm sane, however long that's gonna be with you," he said, his eyes seeming to look into her soul again. She leaned up and kissed him softly.

"Me too," she whispered, hugging him closer.

He swallowed hard, his arms wrapping around her, "I'm scarred," he whispered suddenly. And she looked up at him, stunned, unable to hide it since she had never heard him use hose words before. Her heart shattered as he saw her surprise and took it as disappointment, quickly glancing away, ashamed of himself. She grabbed his face and gently pulled it back, a tear trickling silently down her cheek.

"Me too," she whispered again, her voice raw, "And that's okay," she added when he didn't seem reassured, her smile small but genuine.

He returned it, his hand gently brushing over her jaw line, she was looking up at him from her position on his shoulder, and he brushed a stray curl out of her face. Cupping her face in his hand, he bent his neck to meet her lips, "Thank you," he whispered against them.

She had stayed with him for the first three days, sleeping in his arms. After that Jack had felt ready, and Juliet had allowed, him to walk around the hotel. Despite their closeness Kate still felt irrational pangs of jealousy every time Juliet fussed over his head wound.

By the end of the week Jack seemed fine. When Juliet had ducked into her bedroom, Jack had grabbed Kate and pushed her against the wall, kissing her tenderly as she brought her hands up to rest on his chest. She'd smiled again at his playfulness, at how happy he seemed until he'd said, "I missed you," the emotion and weight behind telling her that he was referring to more then the last few days.

"I missed you too," she whispered back, her voice thick with emotion as she remembered all those nights she had thought about him and woken up alone. "I missed you so much," she whispered as their lips met again, more passionately then before. He had tried to lift her up, but Kate had resisted, knowing he wasn't strong enough. He had sighed disgruntle, until she had tugged his hand, pulling him towards their bedroom, wiggling a finger at him suggestively. He had laughed, stopping her before she got to the door, holding her from behind, his hands on her hips, kissing her neck lightly, causing her head to lull back against his chest, enjoying the feeling of his slight scruff on her neck.

He had cursed slightly when the phone had rung, resting his head on her shoulder in irritation at being interrupted.

All three of them went to the living room, and Juliet had turned the TV to channel 8, Ben sat smirking, in front of the cages as usual.

"Kate, you have the day off," he said dryly, "Juliet and Jack will cover this errand," he added, showing them the details of their next victim.

"We aren't leaving Kate alone," Jack had challenged angrily, causing Ben to smirk.

"She won't be alone Jack," he had said, a hint of glee in his voice, "She's going to be entertaining company," he laughed as there was a knock at the door.

"Oh, I'm getting good at that," he added as their faces paled. "As much as I would love to see your reactions, I have things to do," he added, turning off the TV.

Jack had turned to Kate, pulling her into his arms, "be careful okay," he whispered worried as the Juliet opened the door.

"Sarah?" she said sounding surprised. Jack had frozen, turning his head slowly, and sure enough standing there was his ex-wife. Kate turned to, more curious then horrified like Jack. He hadn't talked about her much, but staring at her next to Juliet, she couldn't deny that there was a certain resemblance and trend towards the blondes with Jacks former women.

"Hi," Sarah said meekly, looking exceptionally uncomfortable as she stood in the door way of their room.

* * *

_Oh yes, I went there. Mwhahaha. Anyways, I was originally going to have a long sarah/Kate talk but since , as you'll see, I'm incapable of writing her as anything more then a one-dimensional bitch, for the most part you'll only see what Kate and Jack talk about as a result of her appearence. oh And Jacket will have an important conversation._

_Next chapter is the fluffiest, angst free, dare I say humerous Jate that you will be getting for a LONG time, so eat it up. lol_

_8 reviews and I can do this agian people chop chop lol_


	13. The Talks

_Wow-given how weak I thought that was I was stunned to see SO mnay reviews lol Thanks a lot guys_

_I apologize for includign Sarah only to have her role be so minor-I had planned on having her in it from the beginning, but I got to the chap. and as you'll see in the first few lines, I was incapable of writing her as anything other then a Bitch, so since I coudlnt' do her justice, you really just get the Kate/Jack talk about the sarah/kate talk lol_

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jack had asked, surprise and anger creeping into his voice. She wasn't a part of his life now, and he didn't want her there as a reminder of his old one. He felt Kate squeeze his hand supportively and he looked down at her with a small smile.

"Believe me Jack, there are about a million places I would rather be right now," Sarah replied scathingly, "Like with my husband," she added for good measure.

Kate decided she didn't like Sarah very much.

"Jack I'm not here for you, I promise," Sarah continued icily, "I was contacted by Benjamin Linus, who somehow…found out that my husband and I can't have children," she said swallowing hard, and Kate felt Jack stiffen next to her. "He told me, that if I came and spent an afternoon talking with Kate," she continued, her eyes settling on the young murderer, "Then Juliet, whose apparently a fertility doctor? Would come back with me to help us get pregnant," she finished, looking angrily up at Jack. He avert his gaze, kissing Kate lightly on the cheek that Sarah couldn't see. God he hated Ben's mind games.

"Great," Jack said falsely, giving Kate's hand a slight tug. "We'll be right with you Sarah," he finished eager to get away. He pulled Kate into the bedroom.

Kate frowned as Jack pulled her, staring over her shoulder at the two blonde women, same hair, same facial structure and couldn't help feel slightly out of the mix. "Jack what's with you and—"her question was cut of as Jack pushed his lips to hers passionately, trapping her between his warm body and the wall. He pulled away and lay kisses down her neck, and Kate closed her eyes trying to regain her senses. "I don't think this is the time for this Jack," she whispered breathless.

"I know," he whispered. "But knowing Sarah…well, you'll probably come back from your afternoon with my ex-wife pissed at me," she frowned in confusion and he smiled slightly, "We didn't end on good terms," he said giving her a sad smile.

"Well, given that I already like you better," she smiled slightly, "I'm sure I'll be okay," she rubbed her hands up and down his arms, before reaching one up to cup his head slightly, "You be careful okay, don't over do it," she whispered, inspecting his head.

He kissed her knuckles gently, and as Kate opened the door he said sarcastically, "Have fun." She glanced to the ground so that Sarah wouldn't see her smile as she left the building.

Jack sighed as he turned to Juliet, "Looks like it's just you and me," he said giving her a small smile.

Juliet laughed, "Just like old times."

Later:

Juliet lowered the gun as the body hit the floor, Jack sighed, staring at the dead man in front of them.

He frowned slightly, "Any idea who he is…who any of them are? The people Ben has us kill?" he asked her quietly.

She shook her head, wiping the barrel of the gun with a cloth as they got in the car, "I can't ask myself that Jack. If I do, I'll start wondering if they have families and who has to tell them that their relative was killed," she shivered, "And for my own sanity I just can't go there," she said offering him a small smile. Jack nodded, knowing what she meant.

They sat in the car for a long moment, "I don't think I can go back to practicing medicine after all this," Jack said quietly and Juliet nodded, "I mean, we both spent our entire lives…saving lives," he ran a hand through his hair, "And here I am," he gave a hollow laugh, "god I feel like a member of the mafia," he finished exasperated. Juliet chuckled slightly.

"It does kind of feel that way," she agreed.

"I don't know what I'm going to do when this is over," he said sadly, "I can't go back to medicine…" he sighed.

"You could teach?" she suggested, "I was thinking the same thing you are a few weeks ago, and thought maybe I could do that, teach medicine," she smiled ruefully, "Just not ethics class," and they both had to laughed.

Even Later:

Jack and Juliet returned to the motel, and Juliet excused herself to pack, she was leaving with Sarah to go back to L.A., apparently onto Ben's next phase in her return. Jack sat in the living room, nervously awaiting the return of his ex-wife and the love of his life. "This is every guy's nightmare," he whispered for the 100th time as he sat taping his foot and rocking the chair.

It was past 11 when Kate and Sarah finally returned. Kate offered him a small smile when he looked at her worriedly, and they saw Juliet off before collapsing on the couch holding each other. They were silent a long moment before Kate laughed slightly, smiling at him, "So you went psycho stalker on her huh?" she laughed when he looked offended, "Well that's how she tells it," she said with a small smile. She cuddled back into his chest, and he rubbed her arm.

He frowned, pulling her right hand up to inspect her raw and bloody knuckles. "What happened?" he asked concerned.

Kate flushed, pulling her hand away, "I punched her," she said quietly.

"Seriously," Jack asked, amused and horrified at the same time. Kate nodded quietly, turning away as her face turned red.

"Why?" he finally asked, and she could feel his smile against her shoulder.

"Because she cheated on you," Kate whispered still not looking at him, her voice raw.

Jack felt his heart melt, and he wrapped his arm around her tighter, "Well it's a good thing I have you to defend my honor," he said quietly, the amusement evident in his voice, laughing when she turned in his arms and slapped him lightly on the arm. Kate buried her face into his neck, savoring his presence.

"I'm glad she did though," she whispered, when he frowned she clarified, "Left you," he tilted his eyebrows confused still, "I mean, god not because it hurt you but because," she kissed his jaw lightly, "Because we wouldn't have met." He smiled, kissing her forehead, "And you wouldn't have those sexy tattoos," she added a moment later causing him to laugh. They feel into a comfortable silence for a long time.

"Is that really all you talked about?" Jack asked eventually, sounding suspicious. Kate sat up, her smile falling.

"She told me that you didn't ever want to be a dad," Jack looked away unable to meet her eyes, "That you freaked out anytime she thought she might be pregnant…"Kate said, her voice cracking, "Has that changed any Jack?" she asked, needing answers now that her Jack was back, as to where he stood with Aaron; hoping it had changed now that he was sane.

Jack got up, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He sighed, "I…," he tried again, "I…lived in his shadow everyday back then Kate," he explained resentfully, "I shouldn't have, but I did. I would have raised our kid the way I ran my life…," he swallowed his face contorting painfully, "…looking for his approval," he put his hand on his head, angrily. "And Sarah, she never called me on anything…she would have let me." He shivered, turning back to look at her as she listened to him from the couch, "I'm my father's son Kate," he laughed bitterly, "He would never admit it, but I am….," he gave her a soft smile, "But it was different with you and Aaron," he was happy to see her offer him a small smile, and she stood walking over to him. She hugged him tightly, listening from her position buried deep in his chest, "You call me on that kind of crap all the time," he chuckled, "And so even if I didn't trust myself, I trusted you to keep me in line with him." She kissed him softly, "So yeah, my opinion on being Aaron's dad has changed," he finished, cupping her face in his hands.

She kissed him tenderly, "You were a great dad to Aaron Jack," she whispered, holding his face and looking straight into his eyes.

He pulled her face back to his, and after another kiss, she rested her head against his chest, enjoying the feeling and smell of him. An idea suddenly struck her and she looked up at him. "Why don't we have a baby?" she whispered, and Jack took a step back, eyeing her with a frown.

"What?" he asked surprised as her shoulders sagged slightly; not a fan of rejection. "Now?" he asked again, his voice sounding almost squeaky.

"Well no," she said smiling suggestively, "we'd have to make one first," she laughed as he blushed slightly. She hesitated before adding, "It's just that…we've wasted so much time Jack," she whispered, feeling her eyes tear up, "God, we were suppose to be engaged right now," she wiped them away hastily, "I just, I just don't want to lose more time, I've almost lost you too many times," she said, forcing his lips to hers passionately, as the fear of losing him temporarily over came all other senses. He responded, reaching up to cup her face until he felt a tear on her cheek, and he pulled away frowning.

"Kate, we shouldn't do this, not…," he sighed, tripping over his words, "Not rushed like this," he frowned concerned as she wiped tears from her eyes. She offered him a small smile as she composed herself.

"Jack," she breathed his name still emotional, and she cupped his cheeks, "I've wanted to be with you since we met. And for the first time in a long time we are finally on the same page," she chuckled softly, "And I don't know a lot of people who would call three years rushing it," she said, again placing her lips on his, this time tenderly.

After the slow passionate kiss Jack rested his forehead on hers, "I don't want to lose you either…but, I mean, our son is still missing and…and… how do you know we're really….really, ready for this?" he asked, concerned. And it finally dawned on Kate why he was really resisting her.

She smiled softly, enjoying his breath on her face, and how concerned he was, even when it was clear as day to anyone else that he was an unbelievable dad, "I know because you just called him our son Jack. Not your son, not even Aaron. You called him our son."

"It just slipped out," he whispered not convinced, and she couldn't help but chuckle at how dense he was sometimes.

"That's the point Jack, you didn't think, it's just what you felt," she smiled as he finally understood what she meant.

"And that's all it took to convince you?" he asked, still resisting, and she sighed, smiling. If she didn't want him to take his clothes so much in that moment, she knew she would have found it more endearing how unsure he was.

"I have faith in you Jack," she smiled slightly, searching his eyes, "I have faith in us," she whispered, kissing him again reassuringly.

His brow furrowed in thought for a long moment before a smile spread across his face, "What?" she whispered concerned.

"Nothing," he whispered, "I just realized I do too," he said, sealing his lips to hers and pushing her down to the couch. "We've wasted enough time in this empty hotel," he added with a small smile as he unbuttoned her shirt.

"I just have one question," Kate whispered suddenly, and he looked up at her, halfway finished with her shirt.

"What?" he whispered breathlessly.

She smiled playfully, "What's with you and blondes?" and he laughed placing his lips over hers again.

"Well for the record," he murmured, his lips still on hers, "Brunettes are now my color of preference."

She laughed as he trailed kisses along her neck, "Good answer," she whispered, her shirt finding its way to the floor.

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_Aw- yeah okay, fluffs over now lol, next three chaps. are probably some of the more intense and emotional ones in this entire fic. in my opinion anyway...at least I hope they are..._

_I hope the baby thing seems justified. I know it could seem random, so I hope thats not how it comes across._

_I was going to have Jack mention that she had come to him months later to tell him that she had aborted their baby, but since that isn't continuity YET I decided to leave taht one out. Maybe another fic. lol_

_so next chap: another hit, another old friend reappears, and everything ends up goign to hell...again lol_

_8 reviews and you get that chapter lol_


	14. The Sniper

_OMG- I FINALLY wrote the endign to this fic! yay I'm so happy, my first ever finsihed stroy! I'm extatic, it ended up being 25 chapters, the 25th beign a very short epilogue you will all enjoy I believe._

_Anyway, onto the evil goodness b/c I'm in a good mood and I think you'll all walk away from this one going HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP, ...as I think you will be doing through the end of chapter 23 -strap in folks!_

_oh and b/c I just finsihed this I posted my new story, called New Dawn, Its AU b/c I want to branch out a bit to avoid redundency. SO check it out, its going to be just as wild, if not even more wild then this fic, given that Jacks a 300 year old vampire with just the perfect amount of scruff-wouldnt' it suck to be stuck for eternity with that beard lol!?_

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Ben's phone call was as usual their wake up call. Jack had groaned, burying his face into her hair for a second, before throwing on pants and listening alone to Ben's message.

"Apparently," he sighed, "We really are headed for England now," he said drily as he came back into the bedroom.

"Is this another mind game?" Kate asked frowning, "Ben had to know that chip would get discovered, that's the only reason I thought he wanted us to go…" she ran a hand through her hair irritated. She had used people when she was on the run all the time, but now both of them were being out played by Ben, and she hated it. Her little boy's life was on the line.

Jack shrugged, coming over he wrapped a protective arm around her, "I asked him," Jack admitted quietly, "all he did was laugh," he finished sounding as irritated and stressed as she felt. The night had been perfect, but each morning was another day away from Aaron, another day he was on the island with Ben, and both of them felt time was running short. They would play Ben's game, it was all they could do, but the moment he made a mistake, they both knew they would strike.

They packed silently, both preparing for their next "errand" in their own way. Kate had held her breath as she watched Jack go through security, but things went smoothly, and soon they were air born. The flight was equally uneventful, and soon enough they were in a dumpy motel room in London.

They had fallen into bed almost instantly, both remembering how close a call their errand in the New York ship yard had been; knowing that this could really be the end, but mainly because they knew there was no way for them to prepare for taking a life other then to cherish what life they had, and could create. Kisses had mixed with tears, and love with hate, guilt with forgiveness, redemption with condemnation as they had poured their souls into one another, falling asleep in each others arms afterwards.

In the morning, a long wooden crate had been sitting outside their door. Jack had brought it in, cursing slightly as they surveyed the sniper rifle inside. In an envelope tucked into the crate was a name of a building, along with the name of another building across the street from it, a post-it on the photo explaining it was abandoned.

"Jack," Kate had asked, her voice trembling uncertainly,"Why do you think there isn't a picture of the person this time?" she had whispered.

Jack felt his throat go dry, "I don't know," he replied his voice low and raw.

In order to make the time they had been given, they left almost immediately. An hour later, sitting on the roof of the building, the scope of the gun pointed down at the front doors of the other building, they still had barely said a word to each other.

"I love you," she whispered rawly, breaking their long silence.

"I love you too," he'd said quietly, finding himself barely able to look at her now that their mission was now upon them. He was a doctor, she was a good person, neither of them, he felt, should have been on that roof. Kate's cell phone rang, breaking his line of thoughts.

"Put me on speaker," was Ben's stoic command, and Kate had, setting the phone down between them, visibly pale.

"Your target will be emerging soon, she was in a meeting with a man you have probably heard of, Charles Widmore," they both sucked in a breath, and for a split second, Kate swore she could hear Ben's smile," It would be best if you don't shoot him, you'd never make it out of the country alive," he said dryly.

"You going to tell us who we're here to kill Ben?" Jack asked, growing irritated with the mind games.

"You'll figure it out," Ben said simply, his amusement evident in his tone, and Jack clenched his jaw, biting back a comment he knew he shouldn't make, couldn't make, not until Aaron was in his arms and safe. "You should see them soon, and you'll have about a 15 second window within to take the shot," Ben added.

True to form, within seconds the door of the building opened and Charles Widmore, and two people Jack pegged as body guards emerged from the building. Jack slide down and looked through the scope, focusing it on the door. The next person to emerge Jack instantly knew was his target, and his hands trembled, as he pulled back to look at Kate horrified. Seeing his face go pale Kate bent over glancing through the scope and went pale as well. Sun. Sun was their target.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head, looking just as pale as Jack. "No damn it Ben, we can't do this!" she hissed turning to the phone.

"Take the shot Jack," Ben had said calmly, ignoring Kate completely.

"Ben please," Kate pleaded glancing between the phone and Jack, who had turned his attention back to the gun, finger on the trigger, his arm shaking.

"10 seconds left Jack," Ben had goaded, as cool and unphased as ever. "Think about you're 'son' Jack," he added.

Jack pulled his face off the scope, his tears were blurring it, unable to look at Kate, ashamed at what he was about to do. He had known from the second he saw her that he would take the shot. He would do everything he could to keep his family safe, even if that meant killing a good friend. He trembled, trying to compose himself before re-aiming.

"5 Jack," Ben warned, a hint of glee making its way into his voice.

"Jack," Kate started, not sure what to ask of him, wishing more then anything that things were different, that they weren't being asked to make the choice they had to.

He ignored her focusing; Sun was almost to the car, his arm still shaking and fired. The bullet was wide, and Sun's body guards instantly had their own guns pulled out, pulling Sun into the cover of a building. Jack swore, letting out a sob, knowing he had failed. He had failed Aaron and tried to kill Sun, he wretched back, jumping up from the sniper scope. Sun's body guards seemed to realize where the shot had come from and were on their way towards their location. Jack cursed softly, "Come on Kate," he said, grabbing her hand and the cell phone, pulling her down the fire escape. Their car was parked out back and without hesitation they fled back to their hotel, still shaking.

Once inside their hotel, they sat on the edge of the bed in stunned silence. Jack put his head in his hands as Kate stared desolately at the wall, tears running freely down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Kate," he whispered finally, "God I am so sorry," he repeated his voice cracking. He had failed her, he had failed Aaron; he had failed everyone he cared about and cherished more then life itself; everyone that mattered was now in pain because of him. And Jack flinched, realizing he still didn't have what it took, not even to keep his family safe.

She had offered him a weak, pained smile, knowing what their failure meant for Aaron, and found she couldn't get her voice to come out, raw emotion drowning it out. She loved Jack so much, but she didn't know what to say, didn't know how to tell him that it was okay, that he shouldn't blame himself, since she should have been the one to try and take that shot. Not him, not the good strong doctor who had devoted his life to saving people. It wasn't his place to kill friends. She was the murderer, and all she could think, was that it should have been her.

Jack turned away, flinching, her lack of vocal response telling him all he needed to know. It was his fault, just like he feared. She had never blamed him for much, not for getting them captured by the others, for Charlie's death during his failed plan, for leaving Sawyer behind. She hadn't held him responsible for any of those things; she had looked past that, all those things that were his fault, all those times he'd failed. But this, this was too much for even her to forgive. He had doomed their-no, he didn't deserve to call Aaron his, he had doomed her son to some horrible unknown fate. He drew a ragged breath, trying to hold in the pain, knowing she didn't need or want to hear it.

The phone rang, startling them both, and Kate numbly turned the TV to channel 8. Ben sat staring at them for a long second, as Jack stood seething at the man on it. Kate got up, gently putting a hand on Jack's bicep, causing him to stiffen, trying to get him to calm down as he looked ready to try and jump through the screen to strangle the man himself. Kate selfishly realized she wanted that privilege. If he hurt one hair on their sons head; she knew she wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger on him.

"Ben…please," she whispered, unable to hide the fear and desperation in her voice.

He stared at her a long moment, unblinking, until Jack finally snapped, "Damn it Ben say something," his voice low and dangerously quite. Kate glanced at him confused and worried, knowing he had no problem showing it when he was angry and unsure why he wasn't now.

Ben turned slowly towards Jack, giving him a bored look, "What happens from this point on Jack is your own fault. You have no one to blame but yourself," he said quietly, and Jack went rigid next to her, "I would watch my back if I was you," he added after a moment, sighing off before either of them could ask him what he meant.

Jack pulled away from her instantly, and Kate fought back more tears, seeing from the way his shoulders slumped, and the pained way he ran his hand through his hair ,his teeth gritted painfully, that he was listening to Ben, that as usual, he was blaming himself.

"Jack," she finally managed, her voice cracking as tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"Don't," he whispered hoarsely, his head resting on the wall, his back to her. "Just don't Kate," he said again, almost pleadingly. He knew it was his fault. He didn't need her to remind him.

Before she could protest, there was a loud pounding on the door. Jack's head bolted up instantly, and he reached for the gun that he kept inside his jacket. He crept to the door and looked through the small safety hole in it, seeing the distorted outline of the two Korean men that he recognized as Sun's body guards from earlier, along with about 5 others he hadn't seen before. Moving away from the door, there was another loud thump.

Jack's face hardened, "Kate, listen carefully," he said in a hushed and frantic whisper, handing her the gun, "Go into the bedroom, lock the door and go down the fire escape right now. Get out of here, and do whatever you can to find your son," he finished.

"Jack who?" Kate started, hearing the panic in his low voice as he dragged her into the bedroom.

He heard a much louder thump on the door, and saw a crack appear on it. It wouldn't take those guys long to bust in. Looking back at her, he saw his fear reflected in her eyes, and selfishly he smashed his mouth to hers, trying desperately to convey his feelings to her one last time. The kiss was over before Kate had time to respond, and he pulled back, as he closed the door on her, saying "I'm so sorry Kate." He took a chair and stuck it in front of the door, stopping her from getting out; he only hoped she would remember to lock it from the other side to keep them out once they got by him; to give herself more time. He couldn't hold them all off.

The men hit the door again and this time he could see through to the hallway as splinters littered the entry way. An arm reached in, fishing around it found its way to the handle and suddenly, there were five armed Korean men standing in front of him, along with a very angry female he had long considered a friend.

* * *

_Yep Yep, I totally went THERE now lol._

_I don't like it much, but I really think Sun's gonna be a bad guy this upcomign season now that she's all, workign with/for Widmore...and that both SUn and Jack have hinted at the fac that Sun blames Jack for Jin's death. So its gonna get...REALLY intense. And again BlueDream might kill me for threatenign Aaron-oh well :-p_

_8 reviews and you get the next chap. _

_Next chap: there's a gun, a knife, a Korean mob/thugs and kate and Jack both try to play the hero-and that always works out SO well rolls eyes_


	15. The Sun

_Thanks for the reviews guys. sorry to all Sun fans, (my self included) she's a changed woman off the island, and it's very sad, b/c I don't believe this chapter is all that far away from what actually might happen, so I hope it doesn't come off as OOC. _

_also, the response for New Dawn hasn't been that great yet...I'm thinking I am goign to post a first chapter to another story I mgiht do, I think I will be calling it "Healing" based on reviews I'll update for priority, but check out New Dawn-it's going to make this fic. look like a cake walk for Jate lol_

* * *

"Hello Jack," she said, her familiar broken English making him flinch. "I'm so glad you came by to see me today," she added, an angry wicked smile adorning her face. He swallowed hard. "It's interesting," she continued, "I was actually just about to catch a flight to L.A and come see you," she finished, a malicious glint in her eyes telling him it wouldn't have been a visit he would have enjoyed. It would probably have been similar to what he had almost done to her, only Jack realized now, seeing her up close, that she wouldn't hesitate for a nano second to pull the trigger.

They stared at each other for a long moment, Suns hateful, merciless, and spiteful glare unblinking, and Jack had to fight the urge to avert his eyes in guilt. This was another thing that was his fault; she was a widow. He couldn't look away though, he had to stand his ground; for Kate, for the slim chance she could find Aaron when she got away, and that the two of them could be safe someday. For them to have that chance, Jack would give his life. He had blown taking the shot, but he wouldn't blow this. Not now. Seeing the woman before him, the angry woman who was a shell of the person she had been on the island, Jack knew he would and could kill her now if it meant saving Aaron. He wouldn't hesitate again to save Kate's son, assuming Ben hadn't already killed him as a pawn in the mind games he was playing with them. He shuddered.

"How'd you find me?" Jack asked finally, keeping Kate's name out of the conversation, hoping Sun didn't know that he hadn't come alone.

She raised an eyebrow, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips, and it was the first time Jack had ever thought there was a resemblance between her and Ben, and he shivered again. "We found the rifle on the roof of the abandoned building Jack," she said his name like a curse word, spitting it in his face, "Your fingerprint was on the trigger," he flinched, "Once I realized you were in the country, it didn't take much to track you…and Kate… down," she said, her face now fully stretched into a smug smile.

"Kate's not here," Jack said not missing a beat. "We haven't been together for a long time," he added.

Sun nodded to the men besides her, and two of them approached Jack. One went to grab his arm, and Jack grabbed it, locking it behind his back and pulling up hard, hearing a pop as the shoulder left the socket. The other hesitated a second, but as Jack released the others broken arm, he was clocked across the face, blood instantly spilling from his nose. Wiping it away with the back of his hand, the other three entered the fray. Jack managed to take another one down before two of the mammoth men grabbed his arms, lifting him a few inches off the ground, each holding his arm straight out, the pressure they were applying equal to his resistance, and Jack let out a pained grunt, refusing to cry out as he felt his right shoulder dislocate again. Shivering to repress the scream, he stopped resisting with his upper body, kicking out at the man in front of him who was wrapping a brick into a sock, aiming to swing it at his stomach. The other two leveraged his arms and with another grunt Jack was forced to his knees. The man he had knocked the wind out of staggered up, hitting Jack hard across the face.

Sun looked down at him, surveying the damage. Apparently satisfied by his condition, she waved off the man who seemed eager to whip Jack in the chest with the weighted sock. "Where's Kate Jack?" Sun asked sounding bored.

"She's not here," he whispered, blood dribbling from his mouth as he said so. She yanked his head up, shaking a finger at him like a master would to a disobedient dog. "Wrong answer Jack," she said, sounding sorry. With a nod of her head, the man swung the sock into his gut, wrenching the air from his lungs, and he would have doubled over, except his arms were locked tightly behind his back.

**A few minutes earlier:**

Kate cursed softly under her breath, realizing he had found a way to lock her in. Swallowing hard, afraid for herself and more so for Jack as she remembered she was the one holding the only gun they had, she locked the door as he had told her to and ran to the fire escape. She wasn't leaving him; her mind was working in overdrive. If she could double around, she could probably sneak up on whoever it was Ben had sent after them. She swore again silently, realizing she didn't know how many she would be dealing with. Seeing a man outside the door of the building as she came around, she ducked back behind the dumpster and counted to five, closing her eyes. She swallowed hard, shivering, knowing she had to do this, for both of the men in her life that she loved; Aaron and Jack. She wasn't running, not now, not ever again. Turning back, she went pale; the man was gone. Something sharp contacted with her head from behind, and her vision went white. She came to a split second later, disoriented she tried to push herself off the concrete, but instead found herself being lifted. The man put his hand around her waist, dragging her along, and when she resisted, scratching, clawing, madly kicking at him, he grabbed a handful of her hair, and dragged her the rest of the way up back towards her room. She felt tears sting her eyes as she continued to kick futilely at the man. "Look who I found Mrs. Kwon," the man said happily as he dragged her through the door, his English broken.

Kate's face went pale at the sight before her, five thugs were standing around Jacks badly beaten but still conscious form. He looked up at her, blood dripping off his face, parts of it already blue from the bruises, and she felt more tears enter her eyes under his gaze, hating that she was so completely useless to him whenever things got bad.

2 minutes earlier:

"Where is she Jack?" Sun asked again.

"I don't know," he said, wincing. Right hook.

"Jack," Sun warned.

"California," he lied. The weighted sock hit his gut, knocking the wind from him again.

"The truth Jack," Sun said.

He glared up at her, blood dripping from his face and smiled. He swallowed down some of the blood, "Nevada," he replied challengingly, earning him another punch to the face, this time a mean left hook.

"Jack…" Sun warned again, growing bored of this game.

"Arizona," Thump, "New Mexico," Thump, "Oregon," Thump, "Washington," Thump. Jack wheezed, coughing blood from his mouth onto the carpet, "Want me to keep going?" he asked, again smiling at her, his face already turning black, blue, and red.

Sun sighed warily, growing tired of the game, "We will keep doing this until you tell us Jack," she said enunciating every word, "Or until my men find her," she added, smiling when she saw fear flash through his gaze momentarily. Jacks breathing was already heavy and labored, she figured she could enjoy watching him suffer like this a bit longer; though for killing her husband, she had a lot more in store for him. The game resumed.

"Look who I found Mrs. Kwon," he heard a man holler as the third man took his turn hitting Jack a minute later.

"Kansas," he wheezed after a breathe, freezing as Kate was dragged in by the man, a cut on her forehead and tear tracks on her face. She was still kicking as he shoved her to the ground. He looked at her, fearful for her life, wishing he hadn't failed her again. This reminded him of when they had gone after Michael on the island; only this time he didn't have anything Kate's captors wanted. He couldn't bring Jin back, so he knew he had nothing to offer to save Kate's life.

Sun stiffened, turning to the woman on the ground, who was looking up at her horrified, "Kate," she greeted the woman calmly. "I'm glad you didn't hurt anyone on your way in. That would have been unfortunate," She added, almost giving Kate a sincere smile.

"She doesn't have…anything…you need. Let her go Sun," Jack's voice came out in labored wheezes as he plead with the cold woman who had once been the kindest he knew; second only to the one he loved.

"She has your heart Jack," Sun said any friendliness she had shown Kate vanished from her face as she turned back to Jack. "I really only wanted to know where she was so that she didn't hurt any of my men trying to help you escape, but now that she's here, I think we can have some fun." Jack clenched his jaw instinctively in anger, wincing from pain as he did so.

"Sun," Kate whispered pleadingly, "Please don't do this. This isn't like you," tears streaming down Kate's face. "Please," she whispered again, still fighting the man who was pinning her to the ground.

Sun walked over to Kate, taking a knife from one of her thugs. "You don't understand what its like Jack," she said, her voice biting," to lose the person you love more then the world," she flashed the bright steel inches from Kate's face, and Kate shivered swallowing hard. Was this really how it was suppose to end she wondered.

Jack felt his world crumbling around him, and with one last surge of adrenaline, he felt his right arm pop again as he launched himself out of his surprised captures arms and at a startled Sun, ignoring the pain in his now useless arm. He was about to reach her when he was slammed into a wall from the side, like a blind football tackle. The man slammed him to the floor. He didn't have the strength to get out from under the man who was pinning him down, but he struggled against him anyway. "Please," he plead, his voice barely a whisper, in to much pain and too exhausted to make himself any louder, "Don't hurt her," his eyes were focused on the knife as he fought the unconsciousness that was threatening his vision. He couldn't, not yet, he had to stay awake.

Sun pretended to look horrified, "Jack," She said mockingly, "I would never hurt Kate, she's my friend," She leered at him, "The knife is for you Jack," she added quietly. "You're the reason my husband is dead. So you are the one who will pay," she hissed, losing her façade, the hand the knife was in suddenly shaking as they got to the heart of the matter. "Say it," she hissed, squatting to the ground and grabbing his face.

"Say what?" he almost mouthed, blood clogging his mouth making it hard for him to speak.

She slapped him, but he could barely feel it, "Say you killed him," she hissed.

He nodded, "I killed him," he agreed.

She hit him again, her small hands barely doing damage, but his eyes watched the hand with the knife in it intently, "Say it again louder. Say. His. Name." she instructed. Jack felt his head lull again, but forced himself to focus, seeing Kate struggle, silent sobs wracking her body as she couldn't break free from the man three times her size to try and help him. A part of him was glad he was so big she couldn't get away, a larger part of him cursed Ben for dragging her into this at all.

He stared straight into Suns eyes, spitting blood from his mouth, his entire jaw numb from pain, he felt his words slur like he was on Novocain, "I killed Jin." He paused a moment, barely able to breath, "And I am so sorry," he whispered, tears streaming down his face suddenly, "I am so sorry Sun," he whispered again, as she stood up trembling with rage. Sun brought her hands to her mouth, and a slow blood curling sob escaped her throat, and she wound the knife back, plunging it savagely into the wall. She leaned on it for support, crying hard as she shook against the wall before drawing a deep pained breath and reaching for a gun in her jacket. She pressed it to Jack's temple, hand shaking, but not in fear or guilt but in rage. She hated this man, the sole reason Jin hadn't gotten off the island with her. Her father had put him there it was true, but it was Jack who had signed his death sentence.

"No," she heard Kate whisper as her actions registered to the young fugitive, "NO, Sun please, NO!" and Kate was struggling and sobbing, screaming Jack's name as her lackeys pulled him up into sitting position, pushing his head down in reverence. She clicked the safety off, and Kate's cell phone rang.

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_Yeah, I totally just left you guys haning-a gun to Jack's head and who do you think is calling! Well, I'm sure you can all figure that out pretty easily. But I think you'll be pleastly surprised to hear what they has to say._

_Next chapter: 2 characters return, and the plot thickens majorly-and Sun makes an enemy for life (But i'm sure you could have figured that out already)_

_So like I said, check out New Dawn, I think I will post chapter 2, just b/c that's where the first "arc" of plot will actually start to be revealed. _

_8 reviews as usual_


	16. The Rescue

_I wanted to get this chapter up, so that hopefully I can get 8 reviews today and keep updating and maybe even give you guys the ending by this weekend-well, lol that might be a long shot, chapter 25 is the end but I guess I'm geeling generous._

_Enjoy-and check out my other fics!_

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Everything instantly went quiet in the room. Sun glanced at Kate whose eyes were wide in shock.

"Who is it," she asked Kate gruffly.

She swallowed hard, composing her voice, "It's Ben," Kate whispered. Sun's face hardened. She hadn't known they were working for him too.

"You're with Benjamin Linus," She asked, as she turned pulling the gun off Jacks head, clicking the safety, and she heard Kate breath a sigh of relief.

"Ben has Aaron Sun, we don't have a choice," she whispered, not expecting the woman she had once considered a true, and one of her only, friends, to believe her.

Sun turned, nodding to one of the men who then handed her the phone.

"Ben," she said stoicly.

"Sun," he replied, either completely unphased by her unexpected voice, or he had known exactly what he had interrupted; either way she didn't really care. "Turn to channel 8, I have some news that might interest you-but you can't harm either Jack or Kate if you want to hear what I have to say," Sun started to argue, "It's about Jin Sun," he added hanging up abruptly.

She pursed her lips, turning to stare at Jack, her lip twitching angrily. She had had three years to figure out how this went, and she didn't like that she was interrupted after all this time, by Benjamin Linus of all people. She spat on Jack angrily, turning on the TV.

Ben's unreadable face came onto the screen until he saw Jack in the corner, his face instantly twitched, unable to suppress the slight glee he had at seeing Jack as beaten as Jack had beaten him the day they had called the freighter. "I suppose a part of me wants to thank you Sun," he said with a small chuckle. "However," he continued, "I can't allow you to kill Jack," Ben said, earning a surprised and startled look from both Kate and Jack.

"Well seeing as I'm the one with a gun to his head," Sun said, clicking the safety off again and re-aiming the barrel at Jack," I don't see how you are in a position to 'allow' me to do anything," Sun smirked.

Ben's lip twitched, amused by the Korean woman's ignorance. "I think we can make an arrangement Sun. Seeing as how Jin is alive and on this island." Sun's face went pale.

"Don't lie to me Ben," she said; her words deliberate.

"I'm not," Ben said, sounding as sincere as he could, which wasn't very, "Jin is alive and very much unharmed. And you can see him Sun, but only if you let Jack and Kate live, because without them, you won't be able to get back to the island." He said as deliberately as she had. "So it's you who isn't in a position to negotiate," he found himself adding, unable to contain himself from egging her on a little bit.

Sun considered this for a moment, and Kate held her breath, still struggling against the restraints, running through ways to get the gun from Sun in her head. Sun looked between Jack, the gun barrel still on his head, and the screen with Ben's expressionless face on it. She shook her head slowly, "Mr. Widmore is going to get me back to the island Ben, and when I'm there, I'm going to kill you," she said slowly, smiling slightly, "And if my husband really is alive, which I don't believe, at least this way, I still get to kill the man responsible for his death, or responsible for Jin missing the birth of his daughter," she finished. She raised the gun and fired, hitting the TV screen. It went black.

Ben sighed, sitting near the cages, "Well I guess that's a no," he said dryly to himself before getting on the phone and pressing the second name on speed dial.

Sun turned her attention back to Jack, "Sun, please…please don't do this," Kate said her voice trembling. Sun sighed, not really wanting Kate to see what she had to do.

"Kate, can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't want to kill the person responsible for your husband's death?" Sun asked, her brow furrowed.

Kate swallowed hard, hating her, "If it was done in cold blood," she whispered her voice trembling, letting the weight of her words hit Sun, "I wouldn't stop until they'd suffered for every day they'd robbed me of being with him," she said, suppressing a sob, needing to be strong. "But an accident," she whispered, "No." She stared at Sun, letting the threat wash over her. Sun nodded.

"I've spent three years thinking of this moment Kate," she said, turning back to Jack, "It wasn't an accident. He chose to save you over saving my husband," her voice trembled, she took the barrel and used it to pull Jack's face up by his chin, "Isn't that right Jack?" she asked.

Jack swallowed, avoiding Kate's piecing gaze, he couldn't look at her, he had failed over and over, "It's true," he whispered defeated. He looked Sun in the eye, "You'll let her go…after…?" he asked, and Kate was too stunned to scream at him, too horrified at seeing him role over to find words to yell, her mind not working. A tear slid down his cheek, "Don't make her watch," he whispered pleadingly. Sun nodded, gesturing to the man holding her to take her out to the hall way.

Kate finally found her voice as she was suddenly being dragged again, "NO! Jack damn it fight! I love you damn it! Let me go," she screamed kicking, clawing, trying with all her might to fight her way back to Jack's side, " NO!" she screamed again, frantic and panicked as she realized this really was it. She really was going to lose him, and she reached out, clawing at the door way, her voice a broken scream, "JACK!" and she was out of the room.

Sun and Jack stayed silent a moment; Sun savoring the revenge that would finally be hers, she would finally be free of him, of what he had done to her and her baby, leaving them without a father or a husband. Jack wheezed, tears in his eyes as he realized he was fine with this ending if it meant Kate was safe. If it meant she still had a chance of saving Aaron, then this was how it had to be. He drew one last ragged pained breath when suddenly there was a large thump from outside the room. The next second there was a zipping noise followed by Sun's soft gasp as she grabbed her neck, falling to the ground instantly. Jack looked up in time to see Sayid enter the room, holding a gun in each hand. Looking down he saw a tranquilizer dart sticking out of Sun's neck. Sayid made quick work of the other men in a matter of seconds; none of them had had time to react.

"Long time no see Jack," he said in his thick accent, and despite everything Jack had to laugh at the light greeting.

"Good to see you too Sayid," he rasped weakly.

"Hurley, you can stop hiding now, the fighting's over," Sayid said dryly and the big man came in, helping Kate who rushed to Jack's side, pulling him up into her lap.

She let out another sob, unable to find anywhere to touch his face that wasn't bloodied or bruised. Jack closed his eyes, focusing on her breathing as his got more pained. "You're safe," he whispered, trying unsuccessfully to smile, his face hurt too much.

She let out another sob, and Jack felt her tears fall onto his face, "And you are the stupidest person on the face of the planet Jack Shephard," she whispered, angry at him for not keeping the gun, for trying to be the hero; for being her savior, her hero, and her Superman again, no matter how much he insisted he wasn't. "Don't ever do that again," she whispered burying her face in his neck as he started to lose consciousness. "Promise me," she whispered.

"I…" he trailed off as he fell to sleep, finally trusting she was safe enough that he could rest. Her sob was muffled by his shoulder, and she buried her head deeper, wrapping her arms around his upper chest as she could see through the buttons on his shirt the bruise already forming on his stomach.

Hurley suddenly cleared his throat, and Kate looked up as if seeing them again for the first time, shaking from the tears, her face red.

"You going to need help carrying him?" Hurley asked nervously, eyeing the blood all over his friend.

Kate ran a hand over her face, sniffling, trying to compose herself, "Where to?" she whispered, her voice raw from crying.

"We are taking you back Kate," Sayid chipped in, having finished checking all the bodies of Sun's thugs, binding their hands. He had Sun draped over his shoulder caveman style.

"Back?" she whispered, her mind not working as it came crashing down from the adrenaline.

"To the island Kate," Hurley explained calmly. "Desmond and Penny's boat's waiting for us at the harbor," he added, pulling Jack from her arms despite her protest and carrying the large wounded man out to their car.

* * *

_I hope Kates reaction as being dragged out of the room was emotional enough...lemme know cause if not I'm going to have to rework another very KEY chapter._

_Next chapter I give you the "definitive end tot he triangle" those writers have been promising us for years (oy) but I'm doing it LOST style-which means we never like the promo lol Trust me though all is not as it seems-and Jack learns why he was brought back_


	17. The Hillbilly

_This is my "definitive end to the triangle" chapter. And staying true to form lol I'm going as realistic as possilbe lol. I'm going to handle the Skate reunion as in character as I can, but also with the desired outcome. SO don't kill me if you hate this chapter kill Sawyer lol _

_Stick with me here, since this chapter is massive set up...I'm nervous about the next two being confusing b/c they are like my "snake in the mail box" moments...only...even more confusing then LOST's was. Fingers crossed I do it okay so that the endign doesn't end up being a let down._

* * *

Kate sat in the back seat first, letting Hurley put Jack down on her. His head was in her lap, and she winced, able to turn his head seeing the damage. She shivered looking at his arm, his shoulder was dislocated again; she would have to wait for him to wake up to tell her what to do, she didn't know how to treat it. She saw water drop onto his face and it took a minute for her to realize it was her tears, and she gingerly wiped them away, afraid to touch his face like it was fragile, like it would break, and in its current condition, it looked like it might.

She was barely aware of them pulling up at the harbor, or of Penny and Desmond rushing to help Jack as they piled onto the craft. Sun, she had heard, was being taken below deck to be locked up. Her jaw tightened, and she knew that if Jack hadn't needed her right then, she would have found the room and killed Sun then and there. But Jack had needed her, and so she had stayed at his side, helping Desmond, who apparently had spent time in medical school, to mend Jacks shoulder.

She didn't leave his side as the boat left dock, she didn't know how long she was down there, helping whenever he woke long enough to get water; he could barely get it down his lips were so swollen and cracked.

"At the end of your conversation with Sun, the only thing keeping him up was probably adrenaline Kate," Sayid had explained gently, "His system just needs time to recover, he'll be fine," he had said giving her a small reassuring smile, when after a day and a half he still hadn't been awake for more then a few minutes at a time.

A day or so later, Jack wasn't much better, when Sayid had handed her two pills.

"What are these?" she had whispered, exhausted.

"We are almost at the island," he explained. "You will want to be unconscious for our arrival," she had given him a confused look, "Trust me on this Kate," he said his expression serious.

She had nodded, taking the pills, and was asleep within moments, her head resting at Jacks side, one arm draped over his waist protectively, the other holding his hand tightly in her own. There was no way she would lose him again.

That wasn't how she woke though. She woke to the sound of birds chirping and sunlight streaming onto her face, coming to, she realized her right wrist was handcuffed to a bar, pulling herself up with it, she rubbed her eyes. When she recognized her surroundings she cursed softly under her breath, again vowing to kill Ben for his damn mind games. She was chained to the spot where she and Sawyer had had sex. She groaned softly, resting her head against the bar of the familiar cage.

"Well hello there Freckles," her head shot up hearing the familiar southern drawl.

**Meanwhile:**

"Wake up Jack," the familiar condescending voice said sternly. Jack bolted up, wincing instantly as his face went pale.

"No," he whispered horrified. "You can't be here," he hissed, looking at his father. He swallowed hard, "The chips gone."

Christian's amused smile was hidden as he laughed at Jack from the other side of the familiar fish tank.

When his father didn't say anything else Jack looked around, his good arm was chained to the metal table in the center of the tank, his right arm hung almost useless at his side.

After a minute of silence, Jack refusing to look at Christian, he finally sighed exasperated by his son's usual stubbornness, "I'm here Jack. I was never dead….obviously," Christian said, raising an eyebrow in typical fashion signifying his disappointment in his son.

Jack clenched his jaw, "I saw you dad. In a morgue," he glared challengingly at the ghost.

Christian laughed, "I was faking," he said simply.

Jack nodded his head, "Faking," he repeated sarcastically, "Right," he added under his breath. "Where's Kate?" he asked as the past events finally caught up with him.

Christian smiled, "She's fine," his voice and face indicating he wasn't going to give him anything more on the topic, and Jack felt his jaw clench tighter.

"And Aaron?" he asked.

"Same," his father replied coolly.

"So if you're actually alive," he said swallowing, still not believing it, "What the hell are you doing here?" he said, staring angrily at his father.

He was enjoying this too much he realized, smiling slightly he walked up to the glass separating him from his son. "You think you're the first Shephard to come to the island Jack? My my aren't you special," he said dryly.

Jack frowned, "What are you…?"

Christian sighed, irritated that he had to explain everything to his dense son, as usual.

The southerner strolled over and through the open cage door, hugging her tightly. Kate hugged him back with her one free arm for a minute, glad that after all this time he was okay, he was her friend, and she hadn't realized she'd missed him that much.

"Hey freckles," he said again softly, and she flinched, remembering what Juliet had told her. She slid her arm off his waist and back to her side, wishing she had room to step back, to show him physically that she wanted space.

Glancing quickly at the cameras still on the cages, "Where's Jack?" she asked concerned. Sawyer pulled back, his face suddenly grim.

"Nice to see you to freckles," he sighed, "Three years and that's the first thing you can ask me?" he challenged gruffly.

Kate felt her jaw tighten, his nick name had lost its charm, and she wished he would just stop pushing her, "Yeah James, that's what I want to know," she said coolly as he flinched.

He recovered quickly as usual, with a cold laugh, "Ya know freckles I've been doing some reading, Doc's not doing so hot right now," his lip twitched amused as she stiffened, "Drugs, Booze," he cocked his head slightly in his signature cocky smile, "Damn near threw himself off a bridge didn't he?" he asked, as Kate struggled with the urge to hit him, "Something bout seeing dead people?" he finished, quirking his eyebrow amused. She swallowed hard, suddenly not missing him at all and wishing he would leave.

"Yeah, he's had some problems," she said quietly, "But I love him," she said staring him straight in the eyes. "Always have James," she added pointedly.

Sawyer swallowed hard, and Kate could see the gears turning in his head as he thought up his next retort. He laughed lightly, "And here I figured you just liked him cause he was all noble and heroic," he chuckled, his smirk coming back. His body was suddenly pushing her against the cage, her free arm pinned above her head by his hand and she stood horrified, trying hard to breathe through her mouth as she realized the rancid smell in his breath was still fish biscuit.

She swallowed hard, eyeing the camera again. Had they put him up to this she wondered briefly, "Let me go James," she said icily. He swallowed hard, and she didn't miss his flinch at her use of his real name.

"Come on freckles," he whispered, and Kate fought back a gag realizing that at one point that might have actually worked on her, "You just want the good guy. Jack's fallen. He's not the hero anymore," he said smiling cockily at her.

"No, you're right James, Jack's not Superman," she said unfaltering, "But that was never why I was with him," she said, still struggling against him to no avail. "Let. Me. Go." She said sternly. Suddenly his mouth was to hers, and he was still pressed against her fully, and she felt suffocated, biting her lip hard as she felt his tongue, her eyes open and eyeing the camera as she forced her leg up, stomping on his foot as hard as she could, earning her an amused chuckle; she hadn't had enough room to make the kick hard. He pulled back eventually, and finally stepped away.

She sent him a withering glare before spitting onto the ground repeatedly and wiping her free hand over her mouth.

"You can't tell me you didn't feel that freckles," he persisted, grinning unphased by her antics.

She glared angrily, still utterly livid, flinching when after a minute she realized her lack of verbal response was exactly what had gotten her in trouble last time.

"I love Jack Sawyer," she said with a sigh. "And I'm not sorry about that. I always have," she added, her voice firm but calm. "So no, I didn't feel anything. Nothing I need repeated anyway," she added somewhat bitterly, her eyes still on the cameras. They could cut that video anyway they wanted and show it to Jack and it would be three years ago all over again; and that scared the hell out of her.

Sawyer chuckled at her response, before giving a sad sigh "Yeah I didn't feel it either," he said, and Kate was startle seeing the honesty in his eyes as he sighed. He ran a hand through his long hair, "Damn Jules is gonna kill me," he muttered.

Kate couldn't help it as she felt her jaw go slack a bit, amused by his sudden discomfort and distress, "Seriously?" she asked, a hint of amusement creeping into her voice as Sawyer gave her an irritated look.

"Well I didn't know," he said sounding mortified and possibly horrified as well. She bit her lip resisting the urge to tease him. "I mean…I was with you and then you were dead and Jules and I were together," his eyes were wide, "And then you were alive and …." he glanced over at her seeing her covering her mouth to keep from laughing, "Oh shut up freckles," he said irritated.

"Congratulations Sawyer," she laughed, "Its called love and its part of growing up," she said dryly as he rolled his eyes.

He sighed, "I figured it was a grief thing, what we were doing," and she shivered as she saw his mind temporarily flash to whatever he and Juliet had done in their tents, a smirk on his face-that was way too much for her, "Then you and Jacko were alive and…" he groaned, sitting next to her, cursing slightly when he realized he had sat on the lever and suddenly the cage was flashing and a fish biscuit popped out at the other end. Kate savored the moment, knowing she would probably never see the conman this thrown and off his game ever again. "I dunno, I guess it was easier ta just…let your ghost break us up then ta deal with…feelings and…stuff, "he shrugged trailing off. He suddenly got to his feet, "I gotta go talk to her," he said groaning.

Kate panicked her cuffed wrist suddenly heavy, "Sawyer! Wait, you're just gonna leave me here!" she said angrily.

Sawyer rolled his eyes coming back, "I can't do anything. I'm here so Ben can control Jules," he said, his anger at again being Bens pawn obvious, "I'm not even suppose to be out here," he added.

"Where's Jack?" she asked again.

He shook his head slightly, "Same place as before, just like you freckles," he put his head on the bar of the cage unable to look at her, "And you better watch yourself Kate," he added finally turning back to her, his look urgent. "They're gonna make you choose again; not between me and him though," he said quietly, his eyes full of sympathy.

Kate felt her mouth go dry, needing confirmation she asked, "What do you mean Sawyer?" She felt herself beginning to tremble, the look in his eyes all but confirming the words that came out of his mouth.

"You got a son now Kate," he said quietly and no more explanation was needed as she fell to the ground shaking. Sawyer sighed, and knowing there was nothing he could do he left to find Juliet.

"You really still believe after everything that's happened that there's no…greater cosmic power Jack?" his father challenged angrily. They had been arguing semantics for hours, his father beating around the bush to answer his actual questions. "After the crash you survived? After all the dead people you saw?" he challenged as Jack stiffened.

"No, and apparently they weren't ALL dead people," Jack said, knowing that if his head didn't hurt so much he would have had a lot more to say. "Lets stop playing dad," he said sending him an angry glare," What the hell's going on?" Christian chuckled.

"You always were candid," Christian started, "You were chosen before you were born Jack," he added, and Jack sent him a confused look.

"For what?" Jack asked not liking the conversation.

Christian came up to the glass and squatted in front of his son. "You need to understand Jack. Jacob is the heart of this island. He controls everything, and the people listen to him. His word is law; his law is divine," Christian explained seriously, "And he chose you to lead his people Jack, to lead the Others," and Jack went pale.

* * *

_There see-Kate couldn't even make it through the kiss with Sawyer. You know on the show that when Skate reunites they're gonna kiss-why? b/c it make a great 2 seconds in the promo to put Jaters in the hospital ALL week worrying, so that when it ACTUALLY airs we see...wait...that skate scene was all about Jate too. Huh. lol_

_So there. Skates over. For good. lol _

_Oh and Christian and Ben are going to both be putting a LOT on Jack's shoulders in the next two chapters, leading to the (hopefully) awsome climax of this fic. Fingers crossed, cause I'm not sure its written as well as it could be. _

_review and you mgiht just get to the good stuff and reveals etc. by the end of this weekend_

_8 reviews and you get legit answers...well okay...just more questions next chapter. _

_oh btw- I never could have written this fic. last year b/c before it, Christians connection to the island was hardly as obvious as "OH, I'll speak for Jacob" so, b/c of that I apologize if he strikes you as Out of Character (OOC) in the next few chaps. but I think everything we may think we know about Christian on the show may be wrong/not entirely true, so his character is fair game for wackiness. Which of course means he's gonna be an even bigger evil son of a bitch in coming chapters mwhahaha_


	18. The Truth

_Thanks for the reviews guys. This chapter has A TON!! of major revelations. Christian plops a doozie down on Jack, then Ben plops two more down on him. So, if I lose you at all/confuse you, lemme know so i can see if the explanations in future chapters are goign to be adequate in explaining everything. _

_Enjoy, and like I said, much christian bastardness ensues-I love evil Christian!!_

* * *

"No," Jack whispered hoarsely, "That's not even possible dad! Assuming Jacobs even real I—"Christian hit the glass hard, shaking the entire frame he glared angrily at his son.

"Jacob is real Jack," Christian said scathingly.

And Jack chuckled amused, "Yeah well he's not God dad," his jaw tightening.

Christian smiled tightly, "Jacob chose you Jack. Out of everyone at Dharma, he chose you. And he stuck by that, even after the purge," Christian said, his patients wearing thin, but Jack frowned, not understanding half of what he was talking about.

"Yeah, okay," Jack said, suddenly feeling inclined to believe crazy just ran in the family, "Okay Dad," he chuckled angrily, "I'm so special, "he hissed.

And Christian kicked the glass, "Damn it you were! I had to give up the love of my life to raise you Jack you ungrateful little…!" he yelled suddenly unable to control himself as he.

Jack went pale, "What?" he whispered.

Christian seethed, "Jacob told us how to raise you Jack. Me and Margo, we both worked for Dharma, and we were…selected…to raise the next leader…," He laughed bitterly, "Jacob had requested us apparently. We were young. Neither of us had anyone, and we both trusted Jacob completely. So we accepted, knowing we would be part of something great; that we would help Jacob, help his cause. He had specific instructions; he wanted a specific type of person to lead. He explained everything; how we had to raise you, to make you ready. But right before you were born…I met a woman in Australia on business," he sighed his jaw tight, "I feel in love Jack," his resentment boiling, "But I had to do what Jacob asked of me; I had to raise you, I had to prepare you for your role," his jaw clenched tighter and his brow furrowed, "But I didn't want to. It made me mean and it made me angry Jack, and so I drank, and I pushed you when I shouldn't have, even though I tried so hard to do what Jacob wanted," he was screaming, "But you never made it easy, and I started to think he had gotten the wrong person, I doubted Jacob because I could tell you didn't have what it took, but Jacob…" he added. "But Jacob blamed me for your failure Jack," he sighed angrily, and Jack saw a tear on his cheek, "And because I had failed, I was…I was banished," and he let out a strangled cry. Jack felt the room spinning, "You didn't have what it took to lead, and you still don't" he chuckled, "But Jacob still wants you. So we had to fix that Jack, and Jacob let me back to the island to do just that, fix my mistake," he said glaring at his son, "So we're gonna fix it, and we are going to fix it fast," he added his voice hard, "Because you were suppose to be leading them yesterday," he finished.

Jack stayed silent a long moment, his face pale and his breathing hollow, trying to stop the world from spinning. He finally let out a hollow laugh, staggering to his feet angrily, "You…you what…got bad parenting advice from your boss….," he furrowed his brow, "And that what…that's your excuse…?," he said anger boiling in his voice." That's why you sucked as a father!" he all but screamed, pounding his right arm on the glass, wincing as the shock rattled through his body like shards of glass.

Christian trembled with fury, "I did what was best for you your entire life Jack, and you still failed. I did everything that was asked," he hissed pained," everything and more and you still weren't ready!" he stormed out through the door, and for a second Jack thought it was finally over until he heard a screeching sound, and the door opened and suddenly he was in the same room as his father. He shivered, finally upon hearing his fathers ragged breathing, he realized this wasn't all a bad dream, or another hallucination like he'd hoped. His father was really alive, and he really was saying all this. He clenched his jaw, feeling his throat constrict.

"If I was such a failure," he said, his voice cracking, "Maybe Jacob made a mistake Dad," he said quietly.

Christian struck him across the face, and Jack keeled over, stars flashing across his vision as his fathers blow had hit about 6 other welts on his face from Sun's men's beating. He staggered back up, jaw tight.

"Jacob doesn't make mistakes," Christian said icly.

Jack rolled his eyes, too pissed off to care at the moment, "You sound like you're in a cult," he said sounding calmer then he felt.

Christian opened his mouth to say something, "I think that's enough Christian," Ben's stoic voice came from the doorway.

Christian turned, his jaw clenched tight, but he huffed and brushed out past Ben without another word or glance at his son.

Ben came in and for a long moment he and Jack stayed silent; Jack seething, wishing he could kill the man for everything he had put him, Kate, and Aaron through in the last few weeks.

Ben tossed him something, and it flashed silver as he instinctively went to grab it with his free arm, hissing in pain as he missed and it clanked lightly to the ground. Sending an angry glare to Ben he dropped to his knees picking it up; it was a key. Ben gestured to the handcuffs.

"Why would you let me out?" he asked, his voice hoarse. Ben shrugged.

Jack tried the uncooperative key furiously, before hearing Ben chuckle softly; he gave up angrily, throwing it across the room. Mind games.

"What the hell do you want Ben?" he asked, his mind racing as he tried to come to terms with everything his father had told him; he had always felt his life had been planned out, but like this? He closed his eyes a minute to keep his composure.

"We don't have a lot of time Jack," Ben said dryly looking up to the camera, "Juliet's guarding the monitor room, we have about an hour," he finished, sitting down just out of Jacks reach.

"Juliet's back?" he asked dully.

"That's hardly important," Ben said, "What is though is that you listen to everything I say, because that is the only way your family will get out of here alive." He said seriously.

Jack swallowed hard, looking up at the man, "What do I have to do Ben?" he whispered, knowing he couldn't fight him, not if he was being serious.

Ben sighed, "The only reason Sun found you and Kate Jack, was that Charles Widmore's men were following you. We didn't realize how close they were until then. That was our mistake," he said, and it almost sounded like an apology. "We had to get you out then, and back here, before they got any closer, but they're maybe a day behind us at most." Ben's face looked pale, "And when Charles Widmore gets to the island tomorrow things will go to hell very quickly Jack," he said gravely. "As much as you and I dislike each other Jack, given all of our…violent…disagreements… my number one priority is keeping this islands power safe from men like Charles Widmore," he said the name bitterly. "And you don't want Kate and Aaron here when they get here," he added, "So we have mutual interest. Your father thinks that you are suppose to be groomed to take over for the Others Jack," Ben said quietly, "But your job, the one you have really been being prepared for is much, much bigger," he sighed, sounding tired and worried. "You have to protect the islands power Jack. You have to kill Jacob, making it impossible for Widmore to use the island's energy for evil; for things Jacob never wants it to be used for," Ben finished.

Jack sat silently digesting the information. "You're more insane then I thought," he said with a quiet angry chuckle. Ben rolled his eyes.

"Don't be difficult Jack. You're going to kill Jacob-and that will destroy the island. You were supposed to take over, but things have changed. Christian…he would never approve of what has to be done, he loves Jacob too much to understand. Widmore is too close, and now we have no choice. It's our last resort. The island needs to be protected, and the only way to protect its energy-its spirit- to protect Jacob, is to destroy the physical island," Ben said quietly. Jack didn't answer.

"Jack, you can be difficult about this, and you, and everyone on this island, will die," Ben said dryly, "Or you can listen to me, and still die, but just maybe you can save Kate and Aaron."

Jack glared at him. "After everything you put us through, killing people, that chip in my head, stealing Aaron, I'm just suppose to trust you?" he asked quietly, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.

Ben sighed, irritated and feeling spiteful, so he laughed, "There was never a chip Jack," he said, his usual smirk returning.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jack asked, his mouth going dry.

"As a doctor I'm sure your aware of what a placebo pill is Jack," Ben said lightly as he got up, "Insane people, " he laughed, "They just can't get well till they have something that they think fixed them, even if it didn't," he chuckled. "You went insane Jack," he raised his eyebrows in exaggeration, "You went way off the deep end. But we needed you sane. So we lied, we created fake files, had Juliet sort through them; I knew she would read them, and then we sent her your way," he chuckled," I have to say, it's one of my best manipulations, it impressed even me," he smiled, "Especially how well it worked. You couldn't fix yourself, so we gave you a scape goat" he kept laughing lightly at Jacks face, "and it worked," he paused letting it sink in and savoring the opportunity to play with Jack's mind again, "Think about what I said Jack. Sleep tight," he added mockingly.

"You're lying," Jack said hoarsely as Ben got to the door, and he staggered to his feet to look at Ben, "You and my dad…you put something in my head and that's what made me see things," he said slowly.

Ben shrugged, "Believe what you want to believe Jack, I don't really care," and he left, slamming the door behind him, knowing he just needed one more piece of the puzzle to get Jack to listen.

* * *

_Ah yes, the chip. Is it real? Is it fake? I'm sorry but I do believe that revelation is evil laugh worthy lol_

_Anyways, Jack has to kill jacob to destroy the island!! OMG!_

_oh yeah, and Christian and Margo were in an arranged situation to try and raise Jack. Its like a Psychological case stduy that failed b/c Christian fell in love-and you all know who the woman was lol_

_Hopefully you guys understood all of that, if not let me know so I can try and clarify it!!_

_next chapter Ben goes to Kate, and theres a Jate reunion, which will hopefully feel reminicent of a few Others related jate reunion scenes, and lots of angst(so nothign new there lol)_

_alright, hope you enjoyed it, and 8 reviews gets you chapter 19! (its so sad, theres only like, 6 chapters left! can you believe it!)_


	19. The Lie

_I have to say I kind of expected a stronger response from the last chapter, given that it was sort of a culmination of a few different plot points. Were they obvious reveals or something? cause people didnt' seem that impressed? Are people losign interest in this fic?_

_Anyways, I hate this chapter. I've read and reread it SOOOO many times its a jumble of letters to me and I can't even tell if it makes sense anymore, SO if its as confusing as I think it is, PLEASE let me know so I can try to correct any confusion in one of the later chapters. _

* * *

Kate awoke with a start; seeing Ben surveying her from the other side of the cage, she stood trembling," Where's Jack?" she asked shaking, "And where the hell's my son you bastard," she trembled, unable to remain civil finally face to face with the man who had managed to bring her life back together by bringing Jack back to her while simultaneously destroying both of their lives with his mind games.

Ben's lip twitched, "That's actually what I came to talk to you about Kate," he said slowly. "Which one do you want to hear about?" he inquired.

"What?" she asked, taken aback; this seemed too easy.

Ben rolled his eyes at her question," Which do you want me to tell you about Kate," he repeated his voice patronizing, "Jack or Aaron?"

Kate froze, Sawyers warning coming back to her. "Why?" she whispered, her lip trembling.

Ben shrugged, "Because I can Kate," he said dryly, "Now which one?"

She swallowed, feeling her mouth go dry; they were making her choose-again. She couldn't this time she realized painfully. How could she? The boy she loved or the man she loved? How could she be asked to choose, now that she finally had them both; now that her family was finally coming back together?

"Please…" she whispered, her voice cracking," Please…please don't do this," she said again her voice and body shaking.

Ben sighed, bored, "It's a simple question Kate; who do you want to hear about: your son who you haven't seen in a month or the man that you last saw half dead in England?"

She flinched, staring back at him as fury soon became dominate again.

"Do you really need me to make the choice for you?" he asked sounding annoyed. He sighed, "Fine, I'll tell you: Jack just had a conversation with his father," Kate's face went pale," Don't worry Kate, Christians alive," Ben said, "Jack isn't seeing dead people…again," he added wryly.

"What the hell are you talking about? I went to his wake," Kate said quietly.

"There was no body was there?" Ben challenged lightly, wanting to move on, "Anyway, Jack learned the truth about his…well… we'll just call it less then conventional upbringing. He was chosen and raised with a specific purpose in mind Kate. He was chosen to lead the Others," Ben said for what felt like the hundredth time; he was sick of explaining it. Kate was silent, trying to figure out what Ben was playing at; none of this made any sense. "And somewhere along the line Christian messed Jack up, and he isn't ready to take over, at least not in Jacob's mind. But that doesn't matter right now Kate," he said, coming over and squatting down next to her. "What matters is that Christian is convinced he knows how to make Jack ready. He wants to kill Aaron," he said, letting the news sink in.

Kate's jaw trembled, she didn't want to let Ben see her cry, didn't want to let him see her weak. She swallowed composing herself before she spoke, "You couldn't even come up with something original Ben? This is the same thing you told me last time we were in captivity," she hissed.

Ben raised an eyebrow, "The difference Kate, is that Christian is a desperate man. He is convinced that if he gets Jack ready quickly Jacob will welcome him back into the fold. And Christian wants that more then anything in the world Kate. He will kill his own grandson, just like he ruined his own son to try and make Jacob happy. He loves Jack, he loves his family, but for all of that, he loves Jacob more," Ben said quietly.

Kate sat silently, almost catatonically. She couldn't let her son die…but how could she let Jack stay? She swallowed hard, not knowing how she could ask Jack to save her again, save them again, and sacrifice himself. She felt her lip tremble, guilt flooding over her. They'd been through so much; she couldn't abandon him again, not here, not with his father. But her son…how could she let him die? She ran a hand through her hair, muffling a sob of guilt, knowing she had no choice. It was life or death. "How long would Jack have to stay?" she asked meekly and defeated, her voice cracking as she said his name and Ben smiled.

"Not very long," he lied smoothly, "Only till he can find a replacement, maybe a few months," he added.

She nodded slowly, drawing in a deep breath, trying to be strong, hating herself, "Take me to him," she whispered, she needed to see him, needed to find out from him what the hell was happening.

Ben got to his feet, dusting himself off. "Someone will come for you soon," he said exiting.

Ben resisted smirking until he had reentered the building. He walked down the fish tank.

Jack stared up at him from his position on the floor. "I never thought I'd be happy to see you," Jack said, almost chuckling.

Ben smirked, "So, you're going to listen to me? You're going to destroy the island?"

Jack nodded slowly, "No," he chuckled again coldly, "You can't destroy an island Ben," he laughed, "You're insane, and I'm just glad I got to tell you that to your face," he hissed.

Ben rolled his eyes, feeling as exasperate as he had three years ago; only now things were even more urgent.

"If you don't listen to me Jack, then both Aaron and Kate will be dead before the sun comes up tomorrow," Ben said calmly, satisfied when Jack's jaw tightened.

"And why's that?" he asked quietly.

"If Widmore gets control of the island everyone here will be killed Jack, and if you resist what your father thinks is your destiny, to lead the Others, if you don't at least pretend to embrace that, then Aaron will be killed," Ben explained, and Jack ran a hand through his hair irritated and exhausted.

"My dad wouldn't do that," he said quietly, "I'm calling your bluff."

Ben raised an amused eyebrow, "Speaking as someone who tried that Jack, who tried that and got their daughter killed as a result, I'm going to advise that you listen to me on this one," he said dryly.

Jack looked up at Ben angrily, knowing he was right, that he couldn't take that sort of risk; that he couldn't gamble Kate or Aaron's life.

He nodded his head again, resting it on his palms; defeated, "What's the plan?" he asked hoarsely.

Ben smiled, relived, "Kate will be brought in here soon, to ask you to save Aaron I think," Jack flinched, hating that they were using her to get to him again, " And Christian will be watching," he gestured to the camera," So be convincing when you tell her that you'll save them, and…" he swallowed," You can't tell her the truth, not with Christian listening, you have to tell her that you're staying on the island to lead the Others, like she and Christian think you are. You can't tell her about the real plan, about killing Jacob," he finished, the unspoken words hanging in the air between them: You can't tell her you're going to die.

Jack nodded numbly, "I wasn't planning on it anyways," he whispered, his voice raw. Kate would never leave him, not if she knew what he was going to do to keep them safe would end with him dead. He swallowed, feeling the same resignation to his fate that he'd felt when Sun's men had burst into the room. For them, for his family, he'd do whatever he had to. He shivered and closed his eyes, wishing more then anything he had more time to be with her; that a chip or his own insanity hadn't robbed him of eight months with her and Aaron. He wiped away a tear before Ben could see it and drew a deep breath. "Bring her in," he said quietly.

Ben nodded and left and ten minutes later Juliet brought Kate in to see him. She undid Kate's handcuffs slowly as they stared at each other from across the room. The second they were of Kate crossed the room, pulling him to her tightly, "You okay?" she whispered, her voice breaking with concern. He offered her a weak smile, feeling his throat constrict; it was so hard to lie to her.

"Yeah, I'm good," he said, his voice raw. He swallowed hard, "They hurt you?" he asked concerned.

She smiled "No," she said simply, moving her hands up to inspect his face, tears in her eyes.

He flinched at her tender touch, feeling guilt course through him, "I'm okay," he said, gently taking her hands off his face with a weak chuckle.

Her lip trembled, and she lay her head on his chest tentatively. The continued tenderness made his heart ache, and he couldn't resist pulling her against him, cradling her between his bent legs, hugging her tight to his chest, burying his face into her neck, kissing her cheek lightly. "I love you," he whispered thickly, and she had started to cry, sobs wracking her small frame as she clung to his shirt. "Don't cry," he plead, his voice thick with emotion; knowing she was feeling guilty for what she thought she had to ask of him-again. However his words had the opposite effect, and she had crumbled further into his chest, between sobs whispering hysterical "I'm sorries" over and over as he tried to unsuccessfully to comfort her.

Jack was pretty sure it was over an hour before she finally sniffled for the last time, looking up at him, her face red from the tears. He had been surprised when she had reached a shaking hand up, wiping away a tear on his cheek; he hadn't realized he'd been crying too. He offered her a small smile as a thank you, but it again had an undesired outcome, her eyes flashing with guilt and she'd looked away ashamed.

Jack sighed, knowing it was time to end things, to get rid of this guilt she was feeling for choosing to be a mom instead of choosing to be a girlfriend. It was the right choice, one he would have made for her without Ben or his father's interference, one he still planned on making for her. "I know what they want to do to Aaron Kate," he said, his voice a low whisper, unable to speak louder and remain in control of his emotions. She swallowed hard, her lip trembling again.

"Jack," she whispered, trailing off, not knowing what to say.

"I'm not going to let you make that choice Kate," he said quietly, "It's not fair."

She looked at him confused, and then her face contorted fearfully, as she seemed to realize what he was saying. "No…Jack…" she started to plead, unable to finish her sentence, not even knowing what it was she was going to ask him.

He shook his head firmly, "Kate I'm staying. You're a mother first," his jaw was tight and there were tears in his eyes. Her brow furrowed as she tried to bite back more tears, her lip trembling, "Just like I'm a father first," he said his voice raw as it finally occurred cream to celebrate his good grades, or dear god-give him THE talk, see him graduate from high school-from college, all of those moments were being taken away from him.

Kate shook her head, "Jack…you can't just…not again…not again," she looked up at him, her face crumbling, she swallowed hard before speaking, "I love you so much…," her face contorted with pain, "But I keep leaving you," she whispered her voice cracking in guilt.

He swallowed hard, "Hey, no this is not your fault Kate," he whispered, "It's theirs," he said holding her shoulders and forcing her to look at him. "You're not leaving me," he whispered, "I'm choosing to do this. For our family," he said, looking at her firmly. He swallowed hard, looking at how completely broken she looked at having to ask him to stay; they both knew he had to, that there was no other choice. He swallowed back tears as he felt his throat grow raw. He had to be strong, for her, for Aaron; he had to do this. He watched as she fought back tears and shivered trying to suppress the guilt; this was her blaming herself for him having to stay just to lead the Others, she didn't know why he was really staying-or that it was really for good that he would be gone. He swallowed hard, wishing more then anything he could spare her the feeling of betrayal she would feel when she realized he wasn't ever coming back.

"I love you so much Jack," she whispered, her head on his shoulder. "This isn't fair," she added in a barely audible voice. No, it really wasn't Jack thought, his throat tightening.

"I know," Jack whispered after a moment. He pulled her back, "But we have to Kate…for our family," he glanced up at the camera before leaning down, his head next to her ear, "For both of you, maybe even three of you," he said pulling back with a meaningfully glance at her stomach. He had to protect them, all of them and the only way to do that was for Kate and Aaron to be as far away as possible when Widmore showed up.

She choked back a sob, wiping her hands furiously over her face, and when she lifted her head again Jack could see she was done crying, that she was trying to be strong, "Ben said it was only temporary…till you find someone else to lead them," she tried to smile, "Then I guess you have nine months to find your replacement," she said, offering him a small smile, trying to give him hope, something to look forward to, putting his hand and hers over her flat but maybe pregnant belly. Wiping her eyes, she missed the agony that passed over Jack's face for a second at her words.

"Yeah," he said, his voice thick as he choked on his words, hating that he was lying, "Nine months," he affirmed giving her a weak smile which she returned. She leaned in to kiss him, but the door opened with a screech behind them.

Staring down at her like the gum on the bottom of his shoe was Christian Shephard. Kate had never seen him in real life, only pictures, but seeing him now, she didn't resist as Jack pulled her tighter against his chest protectively.

"I'll do it," Jack said, his voice hoarse as Juliet and Ben came to stand behind Christian in the door way. "But you're letting everyone go, not just Kate and Aaron. Juliet, Sawyer, Sayid, every one of the crash survivors, they all go free," he said firmly, glaring angrily at his fathers unchanging expression.

His fathers face broke into a sinister grin, "Well Jack, as leader of the Others that's your call to make," he said quietly. "Juliet take the…take Ms. Austen, back to her son." He said quietly, exiting the room, Ben following close behind.

Juliet sent them both an apologetic look, reaching forward to cuff Kate again and take her out. "Give us a minute Juliet," Jack whispered brokenly.

She nodded, turning and standing just out of the doorway, her head turned to give them privacy.

"I love you," Jack whispered, pulling her to him passionately, lovingly, violently, and tenderly, pouring everything he could into the kiss as she did the same; him knowing that this was it, the last time he would ever get to do this, and he savored everything about the way she felt against him.

"I love you too Jack Shephard," she whispered back, holding his face in her hands, "Don't forget that," she whispered her eyes staring into his intensely, "I'll be waiting for you when you get back," she finished.

* * *

_Hopefully everythign in that chapter was clear...I'm not convinced. _

_Anyways, for about the 5 of you who have checked out my other stories lol, I ended up going back to the drawing board. I WILL most definitely continue NEw Dawn, but I think i'm goign to start typing it, but not actually add to it till...probably December 11th lol. B/c I figure at that time demand will be at an all time high lol. So I'm going to work on that and get it all nice and typed up so I can update it quickly once its done. _

_Healing-hm. I know what was wrong with it. I didn't want to fundamentally change Jate's origin, b/c I coudlnt' bring myself to do it, but that made it come across as just a rehash of their story with the roles reversed. Thats not what I want so until I can figure out how exactly I want to make it drastically different enough to satisfy myself I think that will be put on hold. It will get finished, maybe even before New Dawn, but not till inspiration strikes._

_Which leads to my new unnamed project I'm still fiddling with. It should be on the website within the next week or two at the latest and I have to say I'm excited about the concept. _

_Teenage Jate on the island. Tehir parents, along with most of the losties, have found their way to the island b/c of various parts of the Dharma initiative. The hostiles are at an all time high in hostilness when Kate and her father Sam, a former military man Dharma contracted to head the new all important security detail arrive at the island. And why does Ben keep sneakign off the compound?_

_hopefully people respond better to it then the other two, if you're unhappy with my choice, reviews persuade me VERY easily. So, its not definite. Let me know what you think i should do and let me know how much you thought this chap. sucked! _

_enjoy, 8 reviews and you get chapter 20 ...if you want it_


	20. The Promise

_For all the people who keep telling me to worry about Redemption in my other story reviews, I'm touched but DON'T WORRY. I finished writing this fic. a couple weeks ago. The endings made, down to the epilogue. Anyway, Im glad that some people enjoyed the last chap. and heres the last ever set up chapter. the next few are pretty intense. this is set up with a what is hopefully a shocker at the end. So...enjoy and REVIEW!_

_p.s.-can anyone else see Christian being the doctor with about a billion sexual harrassment suits filed against him? Just seems like he'd be a sleeze like that. _

* * *

Juliet was forced to come in, handcuffing her after that, again apologizing under her breath. As they walked out of the building, she saw Christian staring at them from across the field. Noticing that she had seen him, he quickly strode over to them.

"So you're Miss Austen," he said coolly, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you," he said, kissing her hand, his eyes never leaving hers as he stared at her like a predator. She resisted the urge to shiver in disgust; instead she spat on him.

"Bastard," she whispered with a calmness she didn't feel, wishing she had more time to hurt him, to do anything to hurt this man that had broken Jack so many times; who was breaking their family again.

He chuckled, wiping his face before turning his attention to Juliet, "I guess this is goodbye for us to Juliet," he said smirking.

Juliet offered him a meek smile, before walking past him. He slapped her butt, and she stiffened momentarily before continuing. "Perverts got a thing for blondes," she whispered as they continued, neither wanting to look back.

She wasn't taken back to the cages like she expected, instead she was brought down to a dock where Penny's boat was anchored. Penny and Desmond ran to greet her as Juliet removed the cuffs.

Penny embraced Kate in a tight hug, "I'm so glad you're okay. We didn't get a chance to talk on the way here," she added, wincing when she realized it was a bad topic. Kate's eyes flashed with pain, and Penny changed the topic, "Aaron's in one of the cabins up there napping," she said offering a small smile.

Kate's face lit up in a sad but genuine smile, taking the steps three at a time till she arrived in his room. She opened the door quietly, sitting down next to him as she muffled a cry, just watching him sleep. He was safe, everything they had done, everything they had sacrificed, and he was finally there. She closed her eyes, swallowing back tears as she thought of the sacrifice Jack was making so they could be a family again; she shivered, reminding herself that it was just a few months, that they had spent so long waiting to have their life together a few more months would be nothing; if it meant getting this god forsaken island out for their lives forever so they could move forward, then it would be okay, it would be worth it.

He stirred as she took his tiny hand in hers and woke drowsily, "Mommy?" he asked sleepily.

Her eyes water, "Hey baby," she whispered, her voice cracking, wishing more then anything that Jack could be there.

"You're back," he said, still half asleep.

"Yeah," she agreed softly, pulling him into a tight hug, "Yeah I'm back," she said, feeling her lip start to tremble.

She heard an elated cry and pulled back; looking out the window she saw survivors had started to make their way to the boat. Searching for the noise she had heard, she saw Sun crying as she held Jin to her tightly. She felt her jaw stiffen, her eyes flashing angrily back to what Sun had done to Jack, and she settle Aaron back into his bed, walking out and towards the couple, not knowing what she planned to do, just that it was going to hurt Sun a hell of a lot. Halfway down the staircase Juliet grabbed her, pulling her back up. "It's not worth it Kate," she said giving her a sympathetic smile. She stiffened, tears in her eyes before she turned to watch Sun embrace her husband again. She shivered and shrug off Juliet's arm, storming back up to sit with Aaron; determined to focus on her son, on what she finally had back, not on what had nearly been taken from her for good.

Jack sighed, looking down at the boat from a bluff. He rubbed his now free wrist tenderly, wincing at the bruise. He hadn't realized the cuff had been that tight. He was startled when Sawyer came up besides him.

"Long time no see huh doc?" he said casually.

"Hey Sawyer," Jack said, not looking at him. They stood silently watching people make their way onto the boat. Jack winced, happy and angry, as he saw Sun's tearful reunion with Jin. Jealousy hit him hard; she got to go home with the man she loved, to their baby, to their life. And he was giving up his life for her; he shivered, forcing himself to think of Kate and all the other good people he was helping. His lip twitched in amusement as he realized he did in fact count Sawyer among those good people. "Sawyer," he said slowly a minute later, "I need a favor," his jaw clenched as he saw the Southerner give him an amused and bewildered look.

"You need my help?" he said, despite the circumstances unable to tease the doctor a little bit.

Jack nodded slowly, swallowing his pride; to do what was best for Kate. "I need you to watch out for her Sawyer," he said quietly, not needing to specify who the she was.

Sawyer glanced down at the boat, his head titled suspiciously, "Doc. Jules told me what the deal is, you ain't gonna be gone that long," he said, sounding uncomfortable.

Jack nodded slowly, "I know you're with Juliet," he said quietly, "But please, promise me you'll try," he said, unable to stop his voice from cracking, "I don't think…I know I'm not going to be back as soon as Kate thinks," he added thickly, sending a meaningful glance at the Southerner, who raised his eyebrows, seeming to know what he meant.

He stayed silent a long moment, just staring at Jack who refused to meet his eyes, instead looking out across the ocean, "Yeah Doc. I promise," he said softly, leaving to go down to the boat without another word.

Ben raced up behind Jack a moment later out of breath, "Jack we have a problem," he said, sounding genuinely panicked, "Widmore's here." He wheezed.

Jack's face went pale, "I thought you said we had more time?" he said, accusingly.

"Well apparently I was wrong Jack," Ben said sounding irritated.

Jack groaned, running a hand through his hair. "The boat? Have they seen it?" he asked, gesturing to all his friends celebrating below.

"No, Widmore's on the other side of the island," Ben said, sounding as thankful as he felt.

Jack nodded slowly," Lets keep it that way, have someone get down there and make sure they take off now. We can't waist any time," he said, his voice steady. "What about Widmore's men?" he asked suddenly panicked again, "If we run into them….?" He trailed off with a shiver.

Ben nodded in agreement, "My people are already taking care of that. They won't be able to stop them completely, but if we move now, they may be able to hold them off. Long enough to give us a chance to end this anyway," he swallowed, sounding as solemn about their fate as Jack felt. Jack nodded slowly; he raised an eyebrow surprised when Ben handed him a gun.

"Hopefully you'll only have to use one bullet," Ben said quietly as they made their way out. Jack nodded again silent, watching as the boat left the dock, a tear in his eyes.

Ben walked away, towards the woods giving Jack a moment, "Good bye Kate," he whispered hoarsely, "Take care of our family," he said, unable to stop as a tear rolled down his cheek. Hearing Ben call to him, he wiped it quickly and moved towards the woods.

Later:

"Ben," Jack asked as they climbed over a large tree stump, "The chip…telling me it wasn't there…was that some mind game? The chip's real wasn't it?" he asked. Ben turned back to him, raising an eyebrow.

"Does it matter?" Ben asked, "Either way, you're sane-the surgery worked," he said calmly, his voice as usual not giving anything away.

Jack swallowed hard, irritated, and not sure why he'd expected Ben to be honest with him. "No," he said after a moment, "I guess it really doesn't anymore," he said quietly, looking back towards the beach; the boat had left the doc and looked so small now he could barely make it out. He paused a moment. "Those people we were killing before…me and Kate," he winced, his voice cracking as he said her name, "Those Widmore's men?" he asked.

Ben chuckled, "No, Sayid and Hurley were taking care of Widmore's men. They were following the two men watching you and Kate, but they weren't in time to stop them from informing Sun of your where abouts in England. The men you were sent to kill were former Dharma; ones Jacob didn't want to survive the purge," Jack sent him a questioning look and Ben sighed, "The purge had to happen at the time it did Jack; people were getting suspicious. We had to act, to cleanse Dharma and the island. People like Paik had corrupted it. But not everyone was on the island when the purge happened. Some people Jacob wanted out of the system were away from the island, recruiting, doing research etc. And they survived the initial purge," he looked back seeing Jack still frowning, "Widmore was after them. They were clues; people who could lead him back to the island. Old lose ends we needed tied up." He sighed exasperated, "Any more questions Jack?" he asked bored. Jack glared at him but kept silent; he didn't want to spend his last few hours arguing with Benjamin Linus.

They continued on, and Jack was stunned by how familiar so much of the landscape looked. Arriving at the clearing Jack remembered as the place Kate had been held captive by the Others, they sighed, reaching for their water bottles. They froze as they heard the click of a safety being disengaged.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do this Jack," his father's calm voice said, stepping out into the clearing, his gun pointed firmly at his son's chest.

Jack raised his gun too, "How'd you find us dad?"

Christian shot Ben an furious look, "Some people on this island aren't as loyal to Benjamin as he would like to believe," he spat, turning his attention back to his son, and taking a step forward, the gun still pointed directly at Jack's heart.

"You're not gonna kill me dad, and you sure as hell aren't going to stop me," he said when neither of them moved to lower their weapons.

"I can't let you do this Jack. It's wrong. There are other ways to protect the island, "he added, hissing at Ben who simply shrugged; not raising his gun to help or hurt anyone.

"It needs to end dad, this island needs to be gone," Jack said quietly, he sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly, "But I'm not going to kill you," he said quietly, lowering his weapon.

"But I will," a voice said as a shot rang out.

Startled he looked to Ben who was smirking. Looking back at his father horrified, he saw a spot of crimson appear on the man's shirt, slowly growing bigger as Christian's eyes did. He crumbled to the ground. Jack's face went pale, seeing the slender golden haired frame that was standing behind his fathers' dead body holding a still smoking gun.

"Claire?" he whispered, his voice hoarse.

* * *

Yep. I left you there.

review guys, I think I might up the ante to no new chap. till 10 reviews from now on. I know want to hear from people! MORE! I'm a feedback junkie, which is also why none of my other stories are goign anywhere at the mo...anyways,

next chap: the trek to Jacob


	21. The Cabin

_I apologize, no Kate in this chapter. There is some plot to resolve lol. I'm glad people like the inclusion of Claire, I did it because I felt that since her son is such an important part of Jate's lives I coudln't just leave her hanging. So here ya go._

* * *

Claire smiled back at him sadly. "Hi Jack," she said weakly, lowering the gun, walking towards him and their fathers body. Jack shivered, approaching Christian slowly. He was lying face down and Jack used his foot to turn him over. He swallowed hard, seeing the lifeless face of his father staring back up at him for the second time; hoping this time it was real. He fought back tears, not of grief, but of guilt, because he realized he was glad he was dead, more so even then last time.

Claire stared down at the man as well, tears in her eyes. Jack took her hand tentatively, offering her a small smile. "Thanks...sis," he said quietly, and she laughed, embracing him in a giant hug, her strength taking him by surprise.

"I wish we could be having this reunion under better circumstances," she said in her thick Australian accent when she pulled back. Jack nodded solemnly in agreement before turning back to Ben.

Ben nodded at Claire, "I'm glad you finally made it Claire, I was worried for a minute," he said with a small grin that showed he really hadn't been. It took Jack a moment to realize Ben was teasing her-like a friend though, unlike the cat mouse game he had played with them.

Claire laughed shakily, wiping away more tears, "Wouldn't miss this for the world," she said quietly, squeezing Jack's hand.

Ben nodded, "Good. Then I'm going to leave Jack with you. I have business elsewhere," he said, heading off in the direction Claire had come from, with one last curt 'good luck' nod to Jack; who returned it with one of his own.

He stared at Claire for a long moment, "Why aren't you on the boat?" he asked after a minute, instantly seeing fresh tears spill from her eyes.

"Because my baby has a good family," she said, her voice hoarse and weak, her hand coming up to her mouth as she gasped, still in pain over leaving Aaron. "I saw him Jack, when Ben first brought him here. I was in charge of taking care of him," her voice cracked again, "But he didn't know me, he didn't remember. And he kept raving about his mommy and how much he loved her..." she offered him a small smile as he squeezed her hand in support, his brow furrowed and tears in his eyes too, "And about his daddy," she added in a whisper. Jack looked away, unable to hide the stabbing pain that made him feel in his chest. "I just…I couldn't hurt him like that," she whispered, "I couldn't take him away from the only mom he ever remembered. It…it hurt more then anything in the world Jack, but it was the right thing to do," she said, her smile sad, "I'm still going to protect him. It's going to be the last thing I ever do."

Jack felt his throat constrict, more grateful then he could ever express for the gift Claire had given Kate, "Thank you so much Claire," he swallowed, feeling his throat constrict," Thank you for letting Kate have Aaron," he whispered as he regained his composure slightly.

She laughed slightly, "Well, I did manage to convince him Batman's a bit of a wuss compared to Superman, so at least that's something," she said as lightly as she could with a small smirk. Jack chuckled too, wiping tears out of his eyes.

They were silent another long minute, "We should go," she said finally, again in a whisper.

They trekked another good hour in silence, both reliving memories; realizing again that life was handing them an unfair card; they had hours for their life to flash before their eyes, for the mistakes and what if's to play out, as opposed to the moments most people had. Jack swallowed hard, clenching his jaw as he tried to focus on the good memoires, conjuring Kate's face in his mind.

"Why'd Ben leave?" he asked when they stopped for water.

Claire looked startled by the question, taking a long sip of water before she finally answered, "He's going to kill Charles Widmore himself. Before we destroy the island he wants to make sure that that man is dead," she said quietly. "And Ben doesn't trust anyone else to do the job right."

Jack nodded thoughtfully, "And you…how did you …end up…?" he wasn't sure what to ask.

Claire smiled slightly, "The days around the rescue, I…I don't actually remember, "she laughed slightly, "Always the head case huh?" she chuckled when he offered her a weak smile, "I woke up in one of Danielle's old bunkers, I don't even know how long after…" she shrugged. "I just survived for a while, when I went back to the beach and everyone was gone…. It wasn't till Ben contacted me I found out that all the other survivors had been moved to Alcatraz, under his protection or guidance, or something," she shrugged. "I did what Ben asked around the island, once he promised me he could get Aaron back to me. I worked with Christian to at first. Tried to get to know him; then Ben told me what he was going to do to Aaron, what he was willing to do…and I snapped, and I volunteered for this when Ben told me what we had to do. I figured we needed some time together…before…" she offered him a small smile which he returned awkwardly.

A gun shot startled them both as it echoed through the forest. "Damn," Claire said, unable to keep the fear from her voice, "We haveta hurry," she said breaking into a run, dropping the water bottle to the ground. Jack followed her, surprised by her agility. They ran for almost an hour; they had tried to stop three times, but each time a gunshot had pierced the air within moments, each sounding louder then the one before it. The Others fight against Widmore's men wasn't going well, the Others were losing ground and therefore Jack and Claire were losing time. When they arrived at a small cottage in the middle of a clearing both of them were gasping for breath, their lungs and bodies on fire. Claire collapsed to the ground exhausted as Jack supported himself against the tree.

Another gunshot rang out, closer then the others, "This the place?" Jack asked, instantly focused on the mission again as he helped Claire to her feet. He felt Claire shiver slightly in fear; Jack swallowed hard, his jaw tight. This was it.

"Together," Claire said quietly, seeming to know what he was thinking, putting her hand into his.

He stared at it for a second, feeling his eyes tear up, "I'm sorry we didn't have time to get to know one another, "he said quietly.

"Me too," she said softly, her voice uneven and raw. They took a deep breath and entered the small cabin.

A man was sitting quietly in a rocking chair waiting for them. He looked at them for a long moment; he was average in every sense of the word. He had brown eyes, an unremarkable nose, average height average build; no one would have looked twice at him on the street if not for the long crazy beard that reached down to the middle of his chest. He nodded after a second, "So Ben convinced you," he said quietly, it hadn't been a question.

Jack nodded tightly none the less.

"Tea?" he asked conversationally, offering them both chairs. A gunshot rang out, "Perhaps another time," he said, seeing their worried faces at the noise.

"How can you be so…?"Claire asked sounding amazed. "If you know Ben sent us you know why we're here."

Jacob nodded. "I told him to send you," he said honestly, causing both of the Shephards to frown. He laughed at their identical expressions, "I'm the heart of the island. Literally and spiritually," he explained calmly, his tone struck Jack as fatherly, not a Christian Shephard kind of fatherly, just, reassuring, calm, tranquil, "The energy around this island comes from me. I'm like a beacon-a magnet, I collect the energy and it flows around me and this place. By killing me-my physical form anyways, you'll release that energy, you'll keep it and it's power safe from greedy men like Widmore," he said smiling softly, a small sparkle in his eyes.

"Ben killed Widmore," Jack said quietly.

Jacob shrugged, "There will always be others Jack," he said sounding sad.

Jack nodded, "What happens once you're dead," he whispered, afraid of how they would meet their end.

Jacob smiled, "The island will explode, releasing all the energy around me and this place in an explosion of almost nuclear force," Jack's face paled, the survivors on the boat wouldn't be far enough away. Jacob chuckled, "Don't worry Jack. It won't reach beyond the shore line of the island-it's just going to be very very powerful," he said still smiling.

Jack nodded, his palms sweaty.

Claire chimed in suddenly, "You said we were only killing your physical form…" she trailed off, cocking her head in confusion.

He nodded thoughtfully, "One day, I will recover a physical form, and when that happens, the islands energy will start to be drawn back to me. Slowly, another place like this will form. I don't know how many years away it will be," he added quietly seeing Jack's expression, "But it will be well beyond your family's time. You won't have to worry about them dealing with this place ever again," he said, smiling at the commitment this man had; he had made a good choice in choosing him for this task.

"So there'll be another island eventually?" he whispered.

Jacob shrugged, "I don't know for sure, but I don't believe so. The energy might gather around a wardrobe or a train station next time for all I know," he said with a soft chuckle. "No one will be able to find it the same way twice," he explained.

Jack nodded thoughtfully; they stayed silent for a long moment; until the sound of gunfire pierced the air, this time right outside.

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_I've been cranking out the chapters quickly cause I want to get chapter 22 up since Hopefully (fingers crossed) its emotional. Its was one of the harder ones to write and I want to get it up so I can leave you guys for a few days before the weekend b/c I'm 100% evil. -in a good way, You'll all love me in the end...I think...maybe...ish...lol _

_10 reviews gets you a mega big chap. in my mind the climax of the entire fic...._


	22. The Aftershock

_Okay, to be clear I'm not leaving town so I can't update, I'm going to be right here and not updating. This is the climax so I'm going to give it a few days to soak in, just b/c I feel its…a weighty chapter. _

_Hopefully Its emotional, I'm not convinved._

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They settled into a comfortable silence for a minute; none of them really looking forward to the end, trying hard to put it off, savoring the breeze and the air they breathed; until a shot rang out. The window smashed and Claire let out a gasp as a crimson streak appeared across her stomach. Jack's eyes went wide as he pulled her down, putting pressure on the wound. Claire shook his hands off, tears in both their eyes as she grabbed her gun, pulling herself up against the broken window.

"Go Jack," she whispered, her breathing labored, "Finish this okay?" she said, firing twice at the man approaching the house, sending him to the ground. She swore softly as five more emerged from the tree line, guns aimed straight for them.

Jack nodded, tears in his eyes as he pulled out his gun, turning to Jacob. So this is it he thought sadly. Jacob stood, aiming himself up with Jack's shaking gun, and gave him a small smile, nodding his head letting him know that it would be okay. "I'm so sorry," Jack choked out as he brought his other hand up to steady his shot.

"I know," Jacob replied calmly. He closed his eyes and thought of Kate, hearing Claire's cry of pain behind him as he pulled the trigger. For a second the bullet seemed to stand still, "And that's why you'll be okay," Jacob said, the bullet hovering inches from his forehead. And suddenly everything was back to normal. Jacob fell to the ground with a thud, the bullet square between his lifeless eyes, and turning around Jack fell down to, feeling a bullet pierce his leg, and another grazed his arm. Suddenly everything burned, and the world was spinning violently. As he passed out from the pain, he realized it wasn't just him, the world was shaking and trembling, trees falling as others burst into flame. He blacked out, a thunderous boom the last thing he heard before he lost consciousness; and when he woke, all he saw was white.

Everyone on the boat screamed; the explosion so loud it sounded like the world itself was ending. Kate came out of her cabin, "Stay inside Aaron!" she yelled fearfully, looking back at him, and closing the door behind her. She almost fell out onto the main deck as the waves hit the boat, shaking it violently.

"Oh my god," she heard Juliet's horrified voice behind her.

"Damn it Doc," she heard Sawyer whisper, pulling Juliet closer to him; the steel of the gun in his back pocket flashing in the light.

Her face went pale, her mouth opened slightly in a silent scream she didn't have the energy to make. She took another staggered step towards the island-what use to be the island- and fell to the side of the boat, losing her meager lunch over the edge trembling. Sawyer was at her side in seconds, holding her tightly when another shock wave hit the boat, almost sending her overboard. She shivered, collapsing to the ground as the tears finally came. Sobs wracked her body, and she curled up her legs, hugging herself tightly, "No…" she whispered quietly, "No, No, No...This can't be happening," she whispered her voice cracking and she looked up at Sawyer, expecting confirmation that this was all a bad dream. Sawyers face crumbled in pity, unsure of what to say and she buried her head into her knees, her small form trembling.

Sawyer looked up at Juliet, who was still staring at where the island had once been. He winced, sucking in a ragged breath before he got the courage to look at it again. The island was gone, in its place the water was burning, fire raging on the surface of the ocean in a perfect outline of the islands coast. The flames were raging and even though they were miles away, he could hear the roar and crackle of the flame as smoke trailed up into the sky.

Kate startled him as she staggered back to her feet, tears still cascading down her freckled cheeks. "We have to go back for him," she said hoarsely, unsteady on her feet from grief, eyes glazed over from shock, pleading with Sawyer.

Sawyer ran a hand through his hair, "Freckles, there ain't no point," he snapped, angrier then he meant to be, horrified at the burning water and smoke before him.

"Sawyer," Juliet scolded, the flames trance seemingly broken as she walked over to Kate, holding her as she again sunk to her knees, unable to breathe.

"No, he's back there," she gasped, raising a hand pointing back to the inferno behind them, "He has to be," she whispered as Juliet shook her head gently, "No Kate, he's not," she whispered over and over as Kate argued with her, fighting the truth with all her might.

"NO!" she finally screamed, "He's there and –"there was a loud smack as Juliet hit Kate across the face. Kate swallowed hard, "We haveta-"she started again, seemingly uninterrupted by Juliet.

Juliet sighed, and dragged Kate to her feet, holding her head straight, "Let me go," she trembled fighting hard against the blonde's strength, and more specifically what she was being forced to see.

"No Kate," she said calmly, "You need to look," she said. Kate trembled, fighting as Juliet held her face towards the burning inferno. "There's no one there to go back for," she said, her voice cracking. "I'm so sorry," she added, and trailing off as it seemed her point was made, she let go of Kate.

Kate jerked her face away, a shudder wracking her body, unable to get the image out of her mind, and she rubbed her eyes hard, trying to make it disappear. He was gone, she realized hollowly, and it was because of her. Jack was dead. He had died protecting her. She fell to the ground again, not realizing that all of the survivors were watching her, tears in their eyes as she let out an agonized sob, crumbling into a ball on the ground.

Sawyer again came to her side, "Hey, its…its okay freckles," he whispered, holding his friend, determined now to honor Jack's last words, surprised to feel a tear make its way down his own cheek. He pulled her close, glad when she didn't push him away, wrapping her trembling arms around him as she shook with sobs. Juliet came to sit next to her, tears in her own eyes; looking around she saw tears in everyone's eyes.

They stayed like that for a long time until Kate's head bolted up when she heard Jin's familiar voice ask a question in Korean. Hearing the response she shivered, turning around she glanced upwards toward the next deck, seeing Jin and Sun standing together, hands collapsed tightly as they stood next to Penny and Desmond who were navigating the boat. "Freckles?" Sawyer asked oblivious as he felt her stiffen in his arms. Anger slammed into her like a brick wall; they should be the ones up there, Jack should be here, not them, and suddenly her body shook with rage. In one fluid motion she had grabbed the hand gun from his back and was half way up the stairs, the gun pointed at Sun the entire time.

The Korean woman looked startled, and Kate was satisfied to say she looked afraid. Her arm shook as she held the gun, so she brought her other hand up to try and stop it. "Is this what you wanted Sun?" she asked, her voice a hoarse whisper, a tiny part of her brain knowing she was being irrational, the large majority of her not giving a damn.

"Kate…I…" The woman started.

"Is it!" she screamed, tears falling down her cheeks as Sawyer and Juliet came up the stairs, not sure how to stop her.

"Kate!" Sawyer and Juliet both said, trying to talk her down.

"Come on Sun!" she said, her voice wavering as she fought back more tears to no avail, "He "killed" your husband," she shook, "Said you knew I would do the same," she swallowed hard, her jaw clenched, and Sawyer took a step forward, almost able to reach Kate's arm, "Guess you were right," Sawyer leapt, flicking her arm up and away as she fired, causing the bullet to go wide as the Korean woman shouted in fear. Sawyer cursed, twisting her arm behind her back roughly as he dragged her down the stairs, she fought him the whole way, and finally he managed to throw the gun over the side of the boat.

He shoved her into her cabin, furious and closely followed by Juliet. "Kate," he yelled, shoving her against the side of the boat, almost knocking the wind out of her and holding her there. "Kate listen to me," his voice taking on an added twang as he got desperate." Listen to me," he said again, trying to get her to focus on him as she continued to scream at him to let her go. When she finally did a bit, his expression softened, seeing the fear and pain in her eyes, "He's gone Freckles, "he said softly. "Jack's gone. And nothing's gonna bring him back. And he wouldn't want you killin' nobody to try," he added. Her head jerked in a small nod, her eyes threatening to over flow with tears and he finally let go of her. She stared at the ground for a long moment, wrining the hem of her shirt in her hands in pain.

"It's my fault," she said hollowly. She looked up to them, but Juliet could tell she was more or less looking through them, "It's my fault," she whispered again, to no one but herself, her voice breaking, as she sank down against the wall, her chest heaving with the effort to remember to breath, "God I killed him," She whispered her voice broken, as she curled her legs to her chest defensively, her head on her knees as she cried rocking against the wall silently whispering his name over and over and apologizing to him as if he could hear her.

Juliet looked away, the sight of the broken woman in front of her, who in some twisted fashion was a good friend to her, was too much to bear. She tentatively sat down next to Kate, pulling the younger woman into her arms, shooing Sawyer out the door.

"It's okay Kate," she whispered as the woman cried.

"No," she whispered, her voice broken between sobs, "I killed him. It's…its all my fault, and now he's gone… oh god…," she brought a hand over her mouth to stifle a pained sob, "and now we really don't have anymore time," her voice barely audible as she sobbed brokenly, her entire body shaking and gasping as she again couldn't breathe. Her eyes were wide as she looked up at Juliet, swallowing hard, "I'm never gonna see him again," she whispered quietly as if the fact had just finally occurred to her, had just sunken in.

"No, you won't," Juliet said honestly, knowing there was no nicer way to say it.

Kate's body shook with another gut wrenching sob, and Juliet sat there, holding her until Kate finally cried herself into a fitful sleep; even then screaming for Jack.

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_Well, if I've done my job you all hate me at the moment. So, review and yell at me please, the more reviews the quicker you get the next chapter, and believe me you want the next chapter lol Its written and ready to go just as soon as I get reviews –hopefully lots since it's the climax-hope you enjoyed and hopefully Ill be able to update soon-your reviews dictate how soon that is._


	23. The Scar

_I'm glad I got such a good response to the last chapter. Killing Jack makes people want to review-good to know. He really is dead guys, sorry, but I think you should trust me, this chapter is **well** worth your time to read._

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That night, and the ones following Jack's death hadn't been pleasant. Kate had violent nightmares, screaming madly for Jack only to wake up in a cold sweat, tears pouring down her cheeks. Juliet sat with her some nights, Sawyer others. Hurley even did once. During the day she put on a brave face, trying to play with her son who didn't understand his mother's sudden sadness. Seeing how hard it was for her, Juliet had taken to playing with him for most of the day, chasing him through the halls of the ship playing hide and seek, while Kate sat at the foot of the boat, looking back at the wake in the water, back towards the island; where the island use to be. She didn't eat the entire way home despite everyone's protest, and when they docked the boat in England again, Juliet and Sawyer had followed her back to the states under fake names Penny had set up for them so they could watch her.

They'd given her a few more weeks to grieve, until finally Juliet had been forced to snap her out of it, seeing her behavior had started to rub off on her once energetic son. She had burst into Kate's room, and had looked at the once strong woman sadly, seeing her curled around a pillow holding a picture Jack holding Aaron in a park, on a picnic from the looks of the background. It was the only one she had of him, she had explained quietly. Juliet rubbed her head, almost hating herself for what she had to do, she blamed it on the hormones pregnancy had brought with it, and she had dragged Kate down the stairs and made her stair at her son who was sitting dejectedly watching a blank TV screen. Kate had swallowed hard, getting what Juliet was telling her without either of them needing words, and she had wiped the tears out of her own eyes as she went over to her son, her attention getting him to laugh and smile instantly; she would be strong for Aaron.

The pregnancy had helped-eventually. After a three day relapse of crying in the bathroom, knowing Jack wouldn't be there for the birth, Juliet had managed to bring her out into the real world again. Sawyer had been surprisingly good to both of them, keeping good on his promise to Jack, while starting a life with Juliet; something on the good days Kate managed to tease him about mercilessly.

About a month after Kate gave birth, three since Juliet had, Sun had called Juliet for the first time since the second rescue. Sun had been the only one to keep watch over Widmore's company, to make sure no one came looking for them, ever since Sayid had dropped off the map months earlier; into a self imposed exile still grieving over Nadia's death or dead, no one knew. She had warned Juliet, since Kate still refused to speak with her that her information told her a man had poking around, asking about her and Aaron and the island.

Severely disturbed, Kate had sold the house, using the settlement money to buy a private yacht for all of them. They had been running ever since, feeding off Kate's settlement money and cash Hurley sent their way. Sun kept in touch with Juliet, informing her whenever she heard additional news; whoever the man was he was looking for them and he wasn't giving up.

**Present:**

Kate sighed as she exited the grocery store. It was her night to cook, which usually meant take out for them, but Aaron hadn't felt well and was requesting macaroni. She'd volunteered to go to the store as she often did, feeling the need to get away for a while, feeling suffocated on the boat. Living on a boat, homeschooling Aaron, keeping both of them safe, it got to her still sometimes, especially when she saw Juliet and Sawyer doting over their baby girl everyday; when she knew it should have been them. She had never said so, knowing it was selfish, but she also knew it didn't need to be said, Juliet could tell when she was thinking it. The woman would just offer her a small smile and a pitying look. It was strange to her still how good of friends they had become under these unusual circumstances.

She swallowed hard, keeping the thoughts and the tears back. During the day she was strong, during the day she was a mother to two beautiful children; thoughts about him…those were for the night, when she could crawl into her bed alone and be Kate, the broken shell of the woman Jack had loved. During the night she was broken, and even though she held herself together during the day, she still turned her head into her pillow and cried herself to sleep every night; at this point unsure if it was guilt, grief, or both that was making her do it. Every night she dreamed of him; sometimes it was still the dream of him in the shower, where she declared her love to him over and over until her alarm woke her. Others it was of the night they had made their daughter, when he was clean and strong and they were ready to spend their lives together.

Those were few and far between though. Most nights she dreamed of the last time she saw him, of how she should have seen the signs that he was lying and something was wrong. It always ended the same; they always let her go back in the dream, back to the flaming island. She'd find him in the same place every time, and even though she never wanted to, she watched helplessly as her body pulled her towards his dead one, crumbled in a burnt and twisted heap on the ground. And she would sit next to it, looking into his hollow eyes, unable to wake up as she cried, cradling him in her arms, whispering over and over that she was sorry and that she loved him as his blood spilled onto her body, staining her hands as it had when he had been shot. When her alarm sounded those mornings, she would wake with tears on her face and a pillow cradled in her arms like she'd held him in the dream. She would cry again then, relived that the nightmare was over again, if only for a few hours.

Pushing the thoughts and tears down with a shiver, she exited the store with the groceries. It wasn't her fault; Juliet had told her that enough times when she'd walked into her room and stumbled across her crying, as she did many times each month. On some level Kate knew that. Jack had made the choice to stay Sawyer had explained to her, telling her of the last conversation he'd had with Jack. She still didn't know what to do with the knowledge that Jack seemed to know what would happen when he stayed.

Some days it made her hate him, for not telling her and for letting her believe as the ship pulled away that she would see him again. Others she was struck by how well he knew her; knew that she wouldn't have left him if she'd known, that she was too stubborn and it would have gotten them both killed instead of just one of them. And others, she managed to just be grateful for the life he had sacrificed himself to give her and their family. It was missing him, a key part of her happiness, but whenever she saw his daughter's smile that looked just like his, or heard Aaron asking Juliet about being a doctor, she was struck by how selfless it was that he had given himself so that his wonderful children could live; the thought never failing to bring tears to her eyes. That was why she got up in the morning. He had sacrificed his life so that Aaron and their daughter could live, so that Kate could raise them. He had trusted her completely with that task; one he had never, even in life, been allowed to complete because of that island.

Getting back to the ship yard where the boat was docked, Kate froze, hearing Juliet scream and a loud thud as something hard hit the ground. She took a deep breath, counting before five before she dropped her groceries, still shaking as she pulled the tiny gun out of a side pouch of her purse. She'd purchased it after the third time Sun had called Juliet, informing her that the unidentified man who was searching for them was still looking. There were more on the boat, both she and Sawyer kept one hidden deep in their closets. But she'd always assumed it would be at night, when they were all home that this man and whoever he worked for would strike and try to interrogate them about the island, find it and use their children to try and make them help; like Ben had. She kicked herself, knowing she couldn't have known, but still feeling like she should have been there to see this coming. She ran along the dock, unable to see anyone inside. She jumped on to the boat, glad the gun safety was on as she felt her finger twitch on the trigger. She knew that the jump must have alerted the assailant to her presences as it rocked from side to side, but she didn't care, running into the house, she saw Sawyer and Juliet staring wide eyed at a man crouched down patting Aaron on the head. His back was turned to her and he was dressed all in black. She swallowed hard, not understanding why Sawyer and Juliet weren't doing anything. She clicked the safety, alerting them to her presence and she raised it shakily, "Get the hell away from my family," she hissed, over Juliet's protests.

The man chuckled, and her face went pale. He turned and faced her, the scar over his left eye threw her at first, but the smile and the deep brown eyes, along with the thin layer of scruff on his chin were all familiar and she lowered the gun to her side, unable to speak, her throat constricted as she wiped tears from her eyes, not wanting her vision to blur, wanting to be able to see him standing there, alive and unharmed, forever.

"Hey," he said quietly, sounding breathless as he looked her over, checking to make sure she was okay; she was still as stunning as ever to him.

She swallowed hard, he never spoke in her dreams, and her throat tightened more, "Jack?" she managed to whisper, tears spilling down her cheeks freely.

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_Okay-so if you believed me at the beginning good. I had all these reviews talking about a reunion, and maybe I was obvious last chap. he wasn't dead, but just incase, I was hoping for you guys to read the beginning, what kate was going through not in the mindset of "oh thats sad but she's gonna see him again soon so w/e" ya know?_

_So he's back-and I couldn't resist giving him a sexy little scar through his eyebrow-and it also was some anti-locke symbolism b/c i can't resist. Anyways, there are 2 more chapters to go in this fic. Sadly, it ends at 25, so I will update them quickly, and decide on my new fic for good lol-I get the odd feeling people aren't happy about that though...anyways_

_I also apologize for the fact that so much of that chap. came off as a giant summary. I could have dragged it out into a few chaps. but with you thinking Jack was dead and stuff I didn't really see the point, so i'm sorry if it disappointed you. Next chapter you'll get some answers and a reunion._

_you know the drill-review= more; hope you enjoyed it!_


	24. The Return

_You all and your jabies lol. Its so hard to come up with a good name. I wan't going to name it at all ya know, but due to your insistence, I did._

_I hope this chapter is emotional, as usual I'm not satisfied. This took so long to get up because I had to add and rewrite chunks of it because I was so unsatisfied though, and it still doesn't seem right to me…hopefully you enjoy it though_

_Side note-any other writers not a fan of the changes to the accounts and stuff? I'm not a creature of change personally lol_

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Without waiting for an answer she had cross the distance between them, wrapping her arms tightly around his chest, breathing him in as she started to cry. His arms were around her instantly, and she was vaguely aware of Juliet ushering Aaron out of the room as she dragged Sawyer and the two babies out to give them time.

"Don't cry," he whispered hoarsely, his own voice choked with emotion as she pulled herself up, tightly locking herself around his body, kissing him hard, trying to make up for and show everything she had felt during the last year. He'd responded with equal hunger, holding her face gently in his hands. She'd been forced to pull back, as sobs wracked her body.

"How?" she whispered breathlessly, feeling every inch of him, wanting to make sure he was real, her head still buried in his neck.

"It's not important right now," he whispered, giving her a small smile as he kissed her forehead.

"Am I dreaming," she asked, her voice cracking and trembling in fear, looking at him with her big vulnerable eyes, terrified that this was some new game her mind was going to start playing on her. He smiled down at her, kissing her tears away gently, his tenderness only causing more to come.

"No Kate," he said, his voice low and raw, "Not anymore. I'm here. For good," he whispered into her ear, kissing her neck, and leaving his face there until she felt his tears drop onto her neck.

"I love you," she whispered, "I love you so much Jack Shephard," she said again, pulling his face back so she could look him in the eye while she said so. "God I love you," she said, her throat constricting, afraid that if she stopped saying it he would be gone.

"I love you too," he said back, "More then anything," he whispered, pulling her down to the couch and onto his lap so he could hold her better. She didn't know how long they sat like that, with her buried in his chest while he ran his hands through her hair, just listening to his heartbeat as she cried quietly, clinging to him to make sure he was really there. They were startled apart an hour later when Juliet, Sawyer, and the kids came back; take out food for them at hand. Juliet had excused herself, Sawyer, and their child; they had rented a hotel for the night, happy to give Kate time to be with her family which had finally reclaimed its missing piece.

"Sawyer," Jack had called as the Southerner had handed his daughter, Becky off to Juliet. "Thank you," he said his voice thick as he nodded appreciatively to the Southerner. Sawyer had rolled his eyes, after 3 years with Juliet his walls had decayed too much for his annoyance to look genuine or believable.

"You'd a done the same Doc," he said with a wave of his hand as he exited the boat.

Dinner had been hard, Jack had been unsure around Jackie, who cried whenever she left her mothers arms, insisting he was content on simply watching Kate feed their baby girl. And he seemed to be, sitting quietly as Kate air planed food into her giggling mouth, Kate could feel his smile on her back. Aaron meanwhile battered him with happy questions, elated at his fathers return.

"Will you read to me tonight?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yeah of course," he said calmly, ruffling the boys hair.

"Will you read Alice in Wonderland?" he asked, again, his grin revealing two missing front teeth, and Jack forced a pained smile.

"Yeah, if that's the book you want," he said his voice tight, and Kate frowned.

"Aaron, I always read you that book; think you could choose something new?" Kate tried, knowing that the book probably held sore memories for Jack now.

Aaron frowned," But Daddy reads it better," he insisted, eyes starting to bubble with tears; he wasn't one for tantrums very often but…

"It's okay Kate," he said a moment later, picking up Aaron in his arms, causing the child's face to light up instantly, all traces of tears gone from his small blue eyes. Kate smiled, watching Jack as he walked out of the room, listening intently to whatever Aaron was babbling to him.

He returned a few minutes later, resting against the side of the door, staring at the crib next to the sink that held his giggling baby girl as Kate talked to her happily, unaware of his presence while she did the dishes.

He chuckled, and Kate startled, pulling up to look at him with a smile, suds up to her elbows, and she blushed, wiping her hands on a towel, before turning around hands still on the counter rim to look at him.

"She's just like you Jack," she whispered quietly, and his jaw tightened, pained that he had missed so much time with his baby girl.

"She has your freckles though," he chuckled, crossing the room to take Kate in his arms, holding her to his chest, and she listened to his heart beat. She could feel his smile as he stared down at their daughter.

"Why Jackie?" he whispered after a minute, and Kate's hands balled into fist, holding tufts of his shirt, tears welling up at the memory.

"The baby was all I had of you," she whispered, burying her face into his chest, inhaling him and savoring him, still afraid this was a dream. He tightened his grip around her and she felt him draw a ragged breath. He pulled away slightly, pulling her chin up to meet his mouth and he pushed her back up against he counter as she responded, feeling consumed by his presence, love, and urgency. He gave a breathy laugh as he pulled back, pulling his hand off her back, inspecting the suds on it, and she blushed, realizing the sink was still full.

"We should probably do these," he said, with an amused smile.

"Jack you don't have to—"she'd started, as he turned her around in his arms, doing the dishes with her still in his arms, her back to his warm chest. This couldn't be a dream she realized, it was too real, his warmth, his breath, his presence. It would kill her if she woke up from this.

"It's therapeutic," he'd said, offering her a small but sad smile, which she'd echoed; not knowing why he would say that, not knowing what had happened, "Cheaper then a shrink," he'd added, and she'd laughed softly, her eyes still shining with concern. "I'm okay," he said quietly, offering her a small reassuring smile when he saw she hadn't been convinced.

She excused herself from his arms, taking Jackie from her crib to put her to bed. Coming back out, she swallowed hard, seeing Jack's rigid form over the sink, trembling, shoulders arched defensively. She approached him from behind, wrapping him in her arms and he relax instantly turning around in her embrace, smiling as he realized their positions were now reversed. He tried to offer her another small reassuring smile in response to her concerned frown, but she could feel him trying to suppress the shivers that still wracked his body.

She pulled him to the couch concerned, sitting cross legged on it, his hand in hers as she watched him frowning. His hand was over his face, rubbing the bridge of his nose like he was exhausted and stressed. "Hey," she asked concerned, putting her hand on his back and shifting closer to him, "You okay?" she whispered, already knowing the real answer, whether or not he gave it.

He gave her another weak smile, "Yeah," he said with a light chuckle, "I have a daughter," he said, his face breaking into a genuine grin and Kate felt tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry I wasn't there when she was born," he added quietly, shooting her a guilty look.

"Jack if it wasn't for you, she never would have had a chance to have this life," she whispered her voice thick with emotion as she tried to stay strong. He got a distance look in his eyes and tried successfully this time to suppress another shiver at her words, his jaw clenched instinctively. She pulled herself closer to him, forcing him to look into her eyes, tears spilling over as he looked back, his eyes dark and haunted, "What happened to you Jack?" she whispered concerned, holding his face in her hands, bringing her forehead to rest on his as she shifted into his lap. He pulled her to him tightly, burying his head into her shoulder, drawing a ragged breath.

"I don't…I don't know exactly…I ," he frowned, struggling for words, and she stroked his cheek lightly, giving his hand a squeeze, "I remember the explosion," Kate's jaw tightened, fighting back tears as she remembered the fiery inferno, "And the next thing I remember…it was 9 months later and I was waking up in an infirmary in Africa," he chuckled, "I was in a coma for nine months Kate," she swallowed, wrapping her arms around him, putting her head over his shoulder, "And no one could figure out why…other then the gun shot wounds and a few other superficial cuts…nothing was wrong," he said quietly. "I think Jacob saved me."

"Gun shot wounds?" she whispered, horrified. He nodded, pointing to his right thigh, and rolling up his sleeve, she saw a sleek scar running through the tattoo on his forearm.

"This one only grazed me," he said, seeing her concerned and horrified expression.

"And this scar?" she whispered, tracing her finger over the white line that went vertically through his left eyebrow. "I don't know," he said honestly, a hint of fear in his voice at not knowing, at the uncertainty. She put her lips to it gently, kissing it, before resting her forehead back on his. "It's kinda sexy," she whispered lightly. He chuckled, and she smiled, glad to see the small wrinkles around his eyes as they lit in genuine amusement. They stared at each other for a moment and without needing words, the mood changed. Jack brought his hands up from her hips to cup her face gently, running his hands over her cheeks, determined to remember every detail of her face, staring into her eyes as they both felt theirs well up.

"I missed you so much," he whispered, hearing his voice crack, "I love you Kate," he added, his jaw clenching, determined to remain in control. He smiled, "And now we finally can have our life back," he whispered, "The islands gone. We're free," he whispered, feeling the weight leave his chest, just saying those words aloud to her.

She smiled back, "No more craziness," she said, smiling, her own arms locked around his head, their faces inches apart, noses touching, "You and me; for good," she added, a tear silently slipping down her cheek.

"For good," he agreed, closing the distance between him with the softest and most tender kiss she had ever felt. Passion soon melded with the tenderness, and he pulled them to their feet, her legs still wrapped tightly around her waist, "Where's you're bedroom?" he whispered with a small laugh as they pulled apart. She pulled him into it, resuming their actions instantly as she felt him press her against he wall, one hand on her hip the other cradling her head, before they fell into bed, determined to make up for lost time.

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_I thought about having Kate slap him…it just didn't feel right here for some reason- I promise I'll find some reason for her to in one of my upcoming fics. Which unless I get numerous reviews telling me otherwise I have decided on. I will be writing New Dawn next, probably followed by the story Finding unless I think of something better. So be on the look out for the next chapter of that before I post the final one to this._

_IMPORTANT: if you guys can think of ANY lose ends I still haven't tied up please let me know so I can address them in the very short epilogue chapter that comes next. Its short, cute and just, ends the fic on a good note. And Ill probably babble on like I am now for another few paragraphs there lol_

_Enjoy and review_


	25. The End

_I apologize, this really is short. There wasn't a whole lot left to wrap up though so....why risk dragging out a good thing to long ya know?_

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After they made love, Kate had stayed awake long after Jack drifted to sleep, watching him, terrified she would wake up and this would all just be a horrible dream. Jack's sleep had turned fitful quickly; his face had turned into a hard frown, his brow furrowed in concentration and he had started calling out incoherently. Concerned, she had pulled him into her arms, which seemed to quiet him, but his face stayed contorted in pain and fear. He told her he never remembered much about the dreams the next morning, but that he'd been having them since he woke up from the coma. They returned every once and a while after that, and the only thing that seemed to calm him was her pulling him tighter into her arms reassuringly.

A year passed and they were married. Kate had insisted it be on the anniversary of the crash, of the day they had met. Jack had agreed with a laugh, saying it was the most morbidly romantic idea he'd ever heard. They'd honeymooned nearby, neither wanting to get on another airplane to go somewhere. They both agreed they had spent enough of their lives in exotic locations.

"No more Aaron," Jack said lightly, kissing the boys head as he insisted on another bed time story. The boy rolled his eyes, and Jack chuckled already dreading the teen years. "Get to bed," he said, running a hand through the boys messy blonde hair and Aaron stalked back to his bedroom annoyed but compliant. Jack laughed, shifting his daughter from his arms to her crib. They had moved back into it after selling the yacht once they realized the man Sun had heard about had just been Jack, trying to track them down. Jack smiled softly, leaning back against the wall, watching his children in their side by side bedrooms. A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he watched Aaron cuddle against his Superman doll that he slept with on his Batman bed spread, his daughters giggles echoing in his ears from the room next door. Kate smiled softly approaching him, her large belly making it hard for her to get as close as she wanted, resting her hands and head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Hey," she whispered softly.

"Hey," he said back, pulling her to him for a gentle kiss, before looking back at their children, his face again pulling into a small content smile, "We did good," he whispered, looking at their family proudly, one hand resting over hers on her belly protectively.

Kate turned away, feeling tears in her eyes, still over whelmed daily by how much she loved him and loved seeing him being a father; being a great father to both of them-soon to be three. "We did didn't we," she whispered back, a teary smile of happiness on her face; knowing that she could spend the rest of her life like this with him and their family; and also knowing that finally, after everything they had been through, they would finally be able to do just that.

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_Hm...I hope that was satisfactory. I suck at endings... _

_Anyways, reguardless, I'm exceptionally happy. I actually finished a fic. Yay._

_To the MANY MANY awsome reviewers, thank you so so much for your support. I never would have finished this if it wasn't for all of you. Your support means the world, and I hope it continues into my new fics. _

_Thank you so much, and I hope you have 1 last review in you lol_


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